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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29062455">Token of love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaydalen/pseuds/Kaydalen'>Kaydalen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Devote your hearts [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Best Friends, Canon-Typical Violence, Confessions, Drama &amp; Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Humor, Fluff without Plot, Friends to Lovers, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Gentle Sex, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, Light Angst, Oral Sex, Other, Pining, Public Display of Affection, Reader-Insert, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Sleepy Cuddles, Vaginal Fingering, so much cheesy fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:22:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>60,417</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29062455</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaydalen/pseuds/Kaydalen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I like your eyes you look away when you pretend not to care<br/>I like the dimples on the corners of the smile that you wear<br/>I like you more, the world may know but don't be scared<br/>'Cause I'm falling deeper, baby be prepared"</p><p>Hange's mind is wired like that of a cat; Pretends not to care, but actually overly affectionate. Climbs trees and nearly breaks their own neck in an attempt to impress you. But while cats hunt and fetch mice and birds to express their love for you, they bring you Titans instead.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hange Zoë &amp; Reader, Hange Zoë/Reader, Sasha Blouse &amp; Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Devote your hearts [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108616</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>322</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>aot need to read</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Pining</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hange is gender neutral, Reader is female. There won't be any placeholders for names I'm seeing in all the other Reader insert stories, because I find them very distracting. I try to use nicknames or simple pronouns to refer to the Reader, to not disturb the flow of reading.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What a cute little thing you are."</p><p>Hange's raspy voice purred into your ear and your whole body reacted by sending goosebumps traveling over your skin. A fuzzy knot started to form in your abdomen, sending waves of pleasure right to your body's center in between your legs, causing them to tremble and you to support yourself on their muscular upper arms, in case they gave out right underneath you. Said arms were circled around your form and their slender hands ran up and down the length of your spine. The Section Commander towered you by only a few centimeters, but this rather miniscule difference was enough for them to make fun of you. </p><p>"Would you please stop the teasing and get on with it already?", you groaned in a hoarse voice, the words leaving your mouth more demanding, more desperate, than you had intended them to be. Impatiently you tugged onto their nearly skintight white shirt, the only piece of clothing still separating your fingers from the delicate skin underneath, yearning for it to come off. Their own warmth was literally oozing through the thin fabric.</p><p>"Have a little patience, shorty", Hange chuckled and sweetly connected their lips with yours, catching the small mewl of disapproval about to leave your mouth. But they didn't grant you the opportunity to deepen the contact, outright denied you a more passionate, more intimate, kiss as they almost immediately moved to your cheek, your ear, your neck, leaving behind a thin flaming trail of saliva. </p><p>"Hange, please", you moaned and arched your back, squirmed in their soft but strong grasp and their auburn hair was tickling your skin as their tongue trailed your aorta, chasing the proof of your rapidly quickening pulse. Their utterly slow pace was driving you insane. Your face was flushed, your breath hitched in your throat and you could barely contain a needy whimper. </p><p>The way you were able to feel their amused snickering, clearly sensing your strong desire for more than simple foreplay, conveyed by their vibrating lips against your skin, only tied the knot settling in your abdomen even tighter, caused you to almost reach an early breaking point. Your mind was fuzzy and your memory a blank page. You weren't able to tell what pleasant turn of events had driven you right into your superior's embrace, but right now you were too hot and bothered to care. The only thought throbbing inside of your mind was how badly you wanted them to touch you. Wanted them to nip and claw at your naked skin, leaving their marks all over you. You couldn't even remember for how long you had carved for this to happen, for how long you had pined after an intimate moment like that with this strong and attractive person you were proud to call your closest friend - but also your superior. </p><p>And now that you had come this far, your patience was running thin. </p><p>Your body shivered and eagerly pushed against their hands, as fingers finally found their way underneath your shirt, to trail and scrape over the soft skin and for a brief second you brought enough distance between the two of you, that you were able to catch a glimpse of your lover's face. To your surprise it was just as flushed as yours, despite their confident teasing, their lips curled to a coy grin and the dark need swirling in these amber orbs of theirs elicited a soft moan of excitement from your throat.</p><p>Whispered words reached your ears.</p><p>"I want you to have</p><p><br/>a good time over here?"</p><p>A very different and loud voice startled you out of your reverie and you couldn't help but flinch, as a small body dropped onto the ground right beside you. Sasha was out of breath, drops of sweat clinging to her forehead, glistening in the sun, her chest heaved heavily and soon her back as well as her bow connected defeated with the soft grass, arms stretched out like a dying man, nearly smacking you in the process.</p><p>In a way you could relate to her - just for an entirely different reason.</p><p>"W-what do you mean?", you stuttered, acted like you didn't know what she was talking about, voice stoic, while in reality you felt like being caught in the act. Your hands frantically tried to get rid of the sweat on your palms by wiping it on your white pants. Colored smears indicated that it wasn't your first time letting evidence disappear that way. Your mouth was dry and your heart hammered violently against your ribcage, nearly deafening you, caused bright stars to explode right in front of your eyes. Your fingers trembled as they nervously fumbled with the straps of your maneuvering gear around your thighs, fastening them, even though they were already close to cutting off your blood supply. This way you struggled to hide the fact you were softly rubbing your legs together, to feel some sort of relief, as you could clearly feel the wetness pooling at your core and you begged to the walls no one else would be able to tell what you were doing - Especially Sasha. All of your senses were still lingering in the pleasant fantasy you had dared to indulge in and you had serious trouble pulling yourself back to reality, while it slowly faded into the back of your mind - leaving behind a strong feeling of disappointment. </p><p>"Like you weren't watching them", Sasha chuckled and gave you a side eye, accompanied with a sly smile resting on her lips, "The Section Commander, I mean.". You were looking for an appropriate rebuttal for her claim, but your brain wasn't able to fabricate one that even sounded remotely legitimate - especially not with the evidence left by your past fantasy still coloring your cheeks. Of course you had been watching them. How could you not? Your heart and mind felt warm and fuzzy whenever they were around, whenever they decided to join you in the dining hall for dinner. All of our limbs started shaking whenever they invited you up to their quarters to share the burden of the latest mission reports with you. And every pore in your body heated up, was tingling, as soon as they rested just a bit too close to you, so you were able to sense the warmth,emitting from their body through your two sets of clothing and their breath on your skin. All these activities you had been practicing with them for years, suddenly turned into exciting events you couldn't help but look forward to - nervous as much as content. What you had passed off as admiration, friendship, plain affection or later simple madness, had evolved into a full blown crush you weren't able to shake off anymore. </p><p>How they hadn't noticed by now was beyond your comprehension. <br/>   <br/>Levi, Erwin and Hange; the hot trio, as you had noticed the cadets referring to them quite often behind closed doors. To have all three of them couch these young ones at the same time was a rare sight for sore eyes. While Erwin was striding up and down a neatly formatted line of soldiers, correcting their postures and barking instructions at the same time, Levi was busy with unleashing them one by one on the quite battered Titan training dummies scattered all over the area. The boredom and sprinkle of anger and desperation were plastered all over his features and his face fell even more with each missed neck piece. You could tell his fuse was less than short.</p><p>And then there was Hange, who had been the cause for your blatant absentmindedness - also whose simple attendance at this special training was shrouded in mystery.</p><p>The Section Commander had rounded up a handful of young soldiers at the edge of the training grounds, where the sandy soil merged with the forest floor. With a swinging step they passed one after one, corrected postures and incorrectly buckled on gear, fixed jammed equipment and their raucous voice highlighted at great length the vulnerable parts of the Titans body and how to cut them most efficiently. Their heavy ponytail bounced with every step, the heat had provoked them to take off their jacket and you could spot the muscles poking through their shirt, as they send one after another cadet flying up the trees, trailing them with their amber eyes to criticize them on their either improper use of the maneuvering gear or mismanagement of their gas highly colorful - but without being insulting. </p><p>Even though you had to admit all of them were quite harsh with the young recruits, you managed to spot a common emotion amongst all of them - besides the stress and desperation; deep admiration.</p><p>No one openly wanted to admit to have a crush on one of your superiors, but you were pretty sure there were a handful guilty of said crime, who wouldn't mind getting some more one-on-one training. While many young, usually female, cadets were drawn to Captain Levi's harsh and demanding personality as well as his ruthless and rather unique way of fighting, others couldn't help but do anything to be as much of an upstanding soldier as possible, just to get some extra attention from Erwin, even if it was only a silent nod of approval - a hinted smile, if they were extra lucky. </p><p>At first the concept alone, of all these young soldiers pining after the best of the best humanity had to offer, had been rather amusing to you - maybe even bizarre. You weren't as close to Erwin and Levi as you would have liked, they usually didn't invest too much time or energy into getting to know new people, to step outside of their trusted circle and comfort zone - they had too much on their plates, or so you assumed. But the Section Commander turned out to have a completely different mindset. Only months after you had decided to join the Survey Corps, years back, you had bumped into them during a critical mission. You had been offered a singular and exclusive opportunity to work and fight with them you certainly didn't want to go to waste. And in the end they seemed to have been rather impressed by your performance. They had invited you to join their Squad more and more often after that and it had turned into a habit for you to meet during downtime. The both of you clicked right away. Quickly you became something like Hanges unofficial personal assistant for their Titan research - a passion you didn't quite share, but couldn't help and support wholeheartedly. Or rather, you had turned into a quite variety of things, had acquired an pretty impressive set of skills; even outside of combat. Butler, Cook - something Sasha also appreciated -, personal appointment calender. It wasn't like you were forced to do any of these things, but it was something you kinda grew into the longer you had been working with the crazy scientist, who wouldn't even remember to brush their hair, if you didn't remind them.</p><p>But first and foremost you had grown into something more: inseparable friends. And that was all you were; Friends and nothing more. Even imagining to be more than that had been something you wouldn't have been able to wrap your head around.</p><p>Though things had drastically changed over the years.</p><p>Hange's personality was rather unique, to put it mildly, but their passion and their honest, considerate and warm personality, as well as their sometimes cheeky humor had caused you to always feel comfortable around them from day one. They were an amazing person, if anyone bothered to get to know them any better. Just a handful of people had been able to even take as much as a peak behind their facade of the dedicated, but eccentric and often ruthless, Titan researcher. </p><p>After all these years of sharing your life with them, the idea, the concept, of actually having a crush on someone like them suddenly wasn't so ridiculous anymore. <br/>After all these times your heart skipped a beat whenever you spotted Hanges eyes lighting up in excitement, spotted their lips curling to a bright smile and experienced them hugging, or rather crushing, your small form so close to their chest they nearly choked you, you couldn't help but relate to them.<br/>To this heat smoldering your insides, which caused your head to spin and your hands to sweat. Which caused your mouth to dry up, your stomach to twist and turn and send goosebumps traveling over your skin. Suffered through these feelings resting heavily upon your tongue to prevent you from ever voicing them, letting them know what they meant to you. </p><p>Truly meant to you.</p><p>But also to being confronted with the freezing disappointment and the cold desperation of knowing, that they would never return your affection. All you had left were these, sometimes rather explicit reveries, which came more and more frequent as your feelings bloomed. </p><p>Today Levi had rounded up a handful of Cadets for some extra maneuvering gear training, after Commander Shadis had snitched that quite a few had been struggling with it; right before their exams too. You had snickered into your tasteless rice pudding as you had overheard him talking to the Captain about it over lunch and you had been able to literally observe his face get longer and longer with every spoken word. You knew he wouldn't have been able to refuse, not with Erwin and his restless quest of recruiting new capable soldiers breathing down his neck. He would have to train them sooner or later.</p><p>To your misfortune you hadn't been able to hide your gloating behind your cup of dessert very well. Before you could even wipe the grin off of your face he had announced, with a voice dripping with sarcasm, that the new Captain would certainly be happy to be able to join as well - adding in a surprisingly quieter voice he would also be dragging Erwin along. Was that what this so called Karma felt like? To be fair, you had been lucky to even come out of this rather life threatening confrontation alive and with your pride mostly intact. </p><p>Now you were here at the training grounds, sweaty and more exhausted than you had expected yourself to become, after teaching your own batch of cadets the basics of the maneuvering gear and their use in combat for the last few hours. The beginners had turned out to be not as much of a lost cause as their teacher sold them out to be and they were actually picking up your instructions rather well. So you had decided to grant them and you a break, but your superiors seemed to have quite a bit more stamina to spare than you. </p><p>"Maybe I was", you finally admitted quietly, admitting defeat, your tongue close to getting caught between your teeth, your eyes glued to Hange's slender form again. Watched how their bruised fingers brushed the messy auburn hair out of their forehead, tugged at a particular feisty strain caught between their face and their stained goggles, the amber eyes behind the glass sparkling with pride, something you were able to spot quite regularly, whenever they got the opportunity to share the results of their Titan research. <br/>Watched how their biceps flexed, as they caused the hooks connected to their 3D maneuver gear to bury themselves into one of the nearby trees for demonstration purposes. <br/>How their back muscles became quite visible beneath their white shirt, already stained with sweat, as they reeled in the wires again to fling themselves with a nearly inhuman sound resembling an enthusiastic battle cry up on one of the stronger branches, joining some of the more capable cadets, to balance on it with the grace of a cat - their face the embodiment of excitement. The embodiment of passion. </p><p>You couldn't prevent your breath from hitching in your throat at the turn of events unfolding before you and you could have sworn their eyes flicked over to your position for a split second to focus you. To gift you a warm smile. <br/>As soon as they had made sure they had grabbed your attention, they straightened their back and walked fearlessly off the tree branch, to launch themselves into a free fall. The concerned gasps of their peers didn't even face them, as they fired off their hooks a second time. This time they drilled right into the massive trunk of a tree a few meters away and the strong wires pulled the sleek body, with the assistance of the powerful gas emission, towards it's destination, but not without it's owner freeing their lungs of another outcry. After an unnecessary but nonetheless impressive air maneuver, leather met wood with a thud as their feet connected with the tree, their casual position mostly being supported by their own body strength, which caused all of their upper body muscles to peak through their shirt. Pleased with themselves they pushed up their goggles onto their forehead to wipe the sweat of the bridge of their nose.</p><p>You had trouble freeing your eyes from the sight - just as their impressed peers gathering in a small cluster right underneath them.</p><p>"So are you two a thing yet or what?", Sasha wanted to know curiously, as she sat up again right beside you, following your gaze. You couldn't help but choke on your own spit, taken aback by her bald question.<br/>"Of course not!", you coughed as your friend patted your back companionable, to prevent you from suffocating, "By the walls, no, I mean ... they are my best friend and that's all there is."<br/>"Oh yeah?", the younger girl raised her eyebrows in disbelief, "I'm your friend too and I'm certainly not drooling over you like that."<br/>Your mind couldn't help but jump onto this opportunity unfolding right before you to possibly change the subject and as soon as you gained back control over your breathing you started snickering.<br/>"Why aren't you?"<br/>"Oh, come on now", she groaned over your improper joke, "That's not the point here." Her features softened. <br/>"Look, I can't believe I have to be the one to break it to you, but if you never tell them what you're feeling, you will never find out what's going on in that head of theirs."<br/>Nervously you licked over your dry and chapped lips. If even Sasha had figured it out, chances were Hange already knew about your crush as well - and you were not sure if them not bringing it up was a good or a bad sign. <br/>Your friend's hand had moved from your back to your shoulder to give it a comforting squeeze.<br/>"To be fair, chances are you never will anyways, 'cause it's Hange we're talking about here, but you know what I mean."</p><p>Her last statement actually managed to draw out quiet laugh from your throat. She couldn't have been more right about that. Hange's thought processes usually were all over the place and hard to follow, jumping from one topic to the next, while you barely had been able to fathom what they had been talking about a minute ago. Their blueprints tended to be quite messy and unorganized, but the results were always clean and structured. <br/>Despite that, they were brilliant. No one else could have been able to launch humanity as far as they had with their countless inventions to minimize casualties on the side of the Survey Corps and maximize those of the Titans. </p><p>"I can't", you breathed out, tried to ignore that lump settling in your throat, threatening to block off your air supply, "What if I tell them and they don't feel the same way, what happens then? What if I ruin this friendship we have? I would never be able to forgive myself."<br/>A voice deep inside your head started to whisper, to remind you, that your explicit reveries had already stained your view of them anyways, that you certainly had crossed the thin line between platonic and romantic affection with your fantasies and had launched you past a point of no return where simple and plain friendship would be enough to satisfy you anymore. You couldn't help but shiver at the thought of losing your best friend over those ridiculous desires filling you up.<br/>"So what exactly is it, that you want to do?", Sasha finally asked the question torturing you for quite a while now.<br/>"I ... really don't know", you admitted defeat, "Just ... for now act like you don't know anything and that everything is fine until I have figured that out. Whenever that is. If it will ever happen."<br/>Your younger friend didn't seem to be pleased with your answer and deep inside your heart you felt the same way, but this was as far as you had planned things out for now; Keeping quiet until your anxiety receded. Your craving for the love and affection of the Section Commander haunted your mind constantly, but these throbbing fear of rejection and failure was present just as consistently. You simply weren't able to find a consensus, as much as you tried to wrap your head around it. </p><p>Dissatisfied Sasha gritted her teeth. <br/>"Fine then", she sighed, "We'll figure something out together, alright?" A second time she squeezed your shoulder comfortingly, before pushing herself back onto her feet, stretched her limbs and touched the bow in it's holster, like she was making sure it was still there. <br/>"Come on now, we should get back to training."<br/>She offered you her hand to help you up, but before you were able to take it a familiar voice grabbed your attention instead.</p><p>"What are you ladies up to over here?"</p><p>Your stomach started to turn and your wobbly legs, that you had tried to mobilize to get moving again, instantly refused their services and dropped you back down on the soft grass. <br/>Hange. Of course it was Hange who had approached the both of you while you had been distracted. This one time they had not been in your sight they had actually managed to sneak up on you. Usually they tended to announce their present quite audibly.  </p><p>"Section Commander Hange!", Sasha barked and pounded with her right fist onto her chest forcefully in a salute. You could spot her lip quivering ever so slightly and how her eyes shifted nervously. Despite her knowledge of how close the two of you were and that she wouldn't have to fear any form of cruel punishment from their superior, her early run in with Commander Sadis on her first day sure had made an impression on her she probably wasn't able to forget. <br/>"You don't have to be so formal, Blouse", Hange laughed and pushed their goggles up their nose again to wipe off the sweat constantly pooling underneath it, fogging up the glasses. Now you could clearly see the exhaustion catching up to them as well, their whole upper body seemed to be drenched and tense and their clothes were quite messy. You had to gather all of your strength to detach your eyes from the few spot where skin was showing through the white shirt.</p><p>This certain persistent knot in your abdomen tightened. </p><p>"You already done with training?", they wanted to know, as they reached out their own hand to offer it to you, "Because I know I am.". Gladly you took it and let them pull you onto your feet in one swift motion, causing you to squeal in surprise and stumble right into their open arms, bumping against their broad chest. Your face lit up as their familiar scent of ash and damp wood penetrated your nose, now mixed with the strong smell of sweat and wet leather. Their fingers gently and almost unnoticeable tangled with yours, while their free hand hovered over your hip; too insecure or maybe just too considerate to risk the touch. A quiet hum of approval caused their vocal cords to vibrate and you had the distant inkling they had provoked the brief contact of your bodies on purpose.</p><p>Memories of your reverie caught up to you, how a mellow and cheeky smile curled their lips, how their tongue was running across your collarbone, how their lips were sucking the soft skin on your neck. But as soon as it came, the imagination ceased. And everything left was the distant sensation of their fingers ghosting over your skin, the unreliable memory of their bright orbs swimming in need scanning and taking in your form.  </p><p>With a few forceful coughs you loosened the lump in your throat and pushed yourself out of range of their emitting body heat. <br/>"No, we were just taking a short break, that's all", you answered truthfully and withstood their piercing glance; emotions swirling deep within these dark orbs of theirs you weren't quite able to place. You couldn't help but let this thought of how exceptionally attractive they were occupy your mind, which made it hard for you to concentrate on your current conversation. </p><p>You felt this pent up frustration burning in your chest and for a mere second the both of you stared at each other, gazes lingering. The tension was nearly tangible.</p><p>"Actually", Sasha, who had regained her composure, tossed in and both of your heads turned at the same time, like you were being caught in the act, "We were watching Captain Levi." The younger girl juggled her eyes between the both of you, Hange's facial expression growing more and more curious, while you couldn't help but let yours display pure terror.<br/>The exact moment the Captain's name fell from her lips, you had a terrifying suspicion where she was going with this seemingly random comment. </p><p>Please don't do this.</p><p>"Oh, were you now?", the Section Commander commented and raised their eyebrows. This sudden worry coloring their voice caught you off guard. You suddenly felt dizzy. <br/>"A-ah, you know", you stuttered, on your desperate mission to diffuse the situation. Just trying to deny it now would either cause you or Sasha to look even more suspicious, so you had no other choice but to go along with it. Soothingly you reached out to pull Hange's goggles back over their eyes, spotted your own reflection in it, fingertips brushing hair and skin, "Just trying to learn some new techniques. You usually don't have the chance to observe him that closely during missions."<br/>Despite your desperate attempts you couldn't stop the heat from rising up your neck and to your cheeks, coloring them deep red with frustration and embarrassment; a fact Hange didn't even have a choice but to misunderstand considering the context.<br/>Panic exploded in your chest and spread like poison through your entire body as their features were suddenly plastered with keen disappointment. But not for long. For a split second maybe, until they reeled back to being their smirking and carefree self. Though you couldn't help but feel that something had changed, even if you weren't able to put your finger on it.</p><p>"Shorty, you should have told me!", they exclaimed and put their heavy hands onto your shoulders, their eyes sparkling, "Are you into the Captain? Do you need me to hook you up? Damn, that's so surprising, finally some gossip in the Survey Corps! That's usually a Garrison thing."<br/>"P-please", you begged quietly, unable to drain your face of it's treacherous colors, "Try not to be so loud, would you?"</p><p>
  <em>Desperation.</em>
</p><p>Your throat was dry, your hands shaking and your knees weak. Your lip was quivering and as you felt yourself being close to tears you broke the eye contact to your partner. You didn't want them to know. You never wanted them to know your feelings for them, were filled with so many self doubts they threatened to choke you, but right at this moment you wished they would. Because them believing you were attracted to someone else made the whole situation even worse. A part of you had the strong conviction Sasha didn't mean any harm with her comment, another part couldn't help but curse her for it. What happened to 'We will figure it out together?' How was this helping your situation at all?</p><p>
  <em>Frustration.</em>
</p><p>"OK, listen, shorty", Hange snickered, still didn't show any other sign that the fake reveal of your crush on Captain Levi had faced them in any way and your 'Stop calling me that' went right past them as well, "I have to scram, but we meet at 6 like always later, right? Then you have to tell me all about it. I promise I won't break the news before you do, trust me."</p><p>Excitement. They seemed to be utterly excited and even happy for you and your mind had trouble placing these new information.</p><p>"Sure, like always", you promised, your voice stoic, your eyes still not able to focus your best friend but staring into nothingness instead. You realized they were taking their leave, still loud and bubbly, the feeling of their warm hands on your shoulders fading, just as their scent. Their parting words didn't reach you anymore, were replaced by a strangely consistent static, you weren't able to shake off. Your whole body felt like it being deep underwater, sinking, farther and farther away from the surface, your back lastly connecting with the sandy ground. Finally every inch of you seemed to have realized what had just happened.</p><p>Sasha's voice tried to reach you through your daze, her fingers touching your shoulder, but your body didn't even react to your own name anymore.</p><p>It's all over.</p><p>"Get a hold of yourself!" Suddenly a sharp pain exploded in your skullcap, which pulled you out of your state of shock and you couldn't help but yelp and groan in surprise and protect the bruised area with your arms.<br/>"Sasha, what the fuck!", you cursed and weren't sure if you were complaining about her lying to Hange or her smacking you. You sucked the air through your teeth in pain and tears formed in your eyes, while your head throbbed painfully and you shot your friend a quick and icy glance. </p><p>The young cadet clutched her bow, she had brought for training, tightly in between both of her hands and you were sure this piece of wood had to be the weapon responsible for your future bump. To your surprise and irritation you found Sasha glaring at you nearly in the same way you did at her.<br/>"Why are you angry now? You hit ME!", you snarled at her. <br/>"Did the heat get to you or something?", the girl snapped in her defense, "You just told me, you don't ever want the Section Commander to find out you're crushing on them, so I think I did you a favor back there, didn't I?"<br/>"A favor?", you laughed in disbelief, the anger rampantly boiling up your insides, "Sasha, I wanted you to back me up and keep quiet and not blow all of my chances by lying to them!"<br/>"What chances? You never wanted to tell them anyway, so what's it to you?", she countered and you already took a deep breath to return fire, but no suitable collection of letters managed to form in your brain. Your mind unwillingly put her words on repeat and while you knew that she was right, your stubbornness refused to admit defeat. </p><p>"A great friend you are", you spit out the words drenched in sarcasm in front of her feet and turned on your heels to storm off, past your peers who followed you with their eyes clouded in shock and curiosity. You weren't sure if they had eavesdropped on your bickering, but at this point you couldn't care less. <br/>Rushed past Erwin who barked an order you refused your ears to pick up. A decision you would probably regret later. <br/>And past Levi who seemed to be in conversation with Hange, but they were the last person you wanted to witness your verbal confrontation, so you blocked them out of your view entirely. <br/>You didn't even know where you wanted to go. Didn't even know what your next move would be. Had trouble ignoring the voice in your head scolding you for literally running away from your problems.<br/>Everything you knew was, you wanted to leave these damn training grounds with all it's damn people, suddenly plastered with too many emotions for one single soul to handle all at once, as far behind as humanly possible. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I cut these into several chapters this time, I'm never sure if longer chapters are better or several shorter chapters, so I'm experimenting a little. Will result in my first ever smut, so don't be too hard on me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Worrying | Sasha</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Despite all of your efforts to contain it your fury didn't cease. </p><p>Persistently it followed you back to your quarters and into the bath, tingled on your naked upper body as you roughly scrubbed your skin down like a distant shiver. <br/>
Stuck with the sweat to your back as Erwin called you with this stern expression plastered all over his face to his office, to give you a piece of his mind with a rage of his own, that caused your eyes to swim in tears. <br/>
Was sitting uncomfortably with the ever growing lump in your stomach at lunch in the dining hall, as you made sure to scare off any possible company to even come close to your table, with your icy glare and long face - especially Sasha or Hange who you managed to spot once or twice from the corner of your eye.<br/>
Took over your limbs as you tried to distract yourself with maintaining your maneuvering gear, something you hadn't done in a long time and caused you to jam a screwdriver right into the back of your hand. You voiced your frustration and pain with a harsh swear and as you sucked your own blood from the skin around the piercing wound you knew, you had to do something. This problem wouldn't fix itself. These feelings occupying your mind wouldn't just fade away on their own, no, quite the opposite. Because as time elapsed even more uncomfortable emotions accompanied the flat fury; guilt and embarrassment - even a dash of sadness. </p><p>Underneath that consistent anger you felt miserable about the way Sasha had treated your secret you had entrusted her with and you felt especially miserable about Hange being present as the betrayal had occurred. But at the same time you were not sure if you had the right to be angry, the right to drown in this kind of self pity. You were the one who had told her you didn't want your friend to know about your crush in the first place, probably never would have told them if it hadn't been for her backing you into a corner. Because now you only had two options; Denying it completely would only result in even more questions, so you were either forced to go along with the lie, Sasha set up for you and betray yourself as well as Hange's trust or to clear it up and hand your heart over to them on a silver platter, facing whatever reaction they had in stock for you. Possibly ruining your friendship if you failed. The stakes were even higher now, but the more you were wrapping your head around it, the stronger was that sense of relief creeping up from the bottom of your stomach. That excitement. </p><p>Lying to Hange wasn't an option, so your only way out was to tell them. To confess to have this burning affection smoldering your insides - and finally be free of this uncertainty. Maybe it wouldn't even be this bad, you tried to cheer yourself up. Maybe they would just laugh it off, decline politely, call you by your hated nickname again to tease you and be done with it. Even if your heart had a very different opinion about this possible outcome, it was soothing your troubled conscious a little. You were both adults, best friends, partners, a little crush like that wouldn't get in the way of your relationship, would it? It wasn't like you were forced to reveal you secretly yearned for them to eat you out.</p><p> As the sun was kissing the horizon and colored the sky in a soothing amber tone you had finally decided to meet up with Sasha to apologize. Driven by guilt you had managed to drown the rage, the disappointment, all these toxic feelings. She was a kind soul, you had no doubt about her intentions being any less than good. You only had little time left until you had to meet with Hange in their office, so you quickened your pace. Your muscles were sore and shaking after today's training, so you had decided to abandon your maneuvering gear in the workshop to relief your body of the unnecessary extra weight. You would fetch it later, after you had finished your business with your partner to at least wrap up the repairs you had started to perform earlier. To Hange's disapproval you were usually pretty lax with maintaining your equipment. You felt like it being a waste of time and effort and were only screwing around with it, when the worn wire or jammed blade sheaths were starting to slow you down and affect your combat abilities. </p><p>You knew exactly where to find your friend. The both of you usually spend a lot of time together, if the Section Commander wasn't keeping you busy and it had become some kind of ritual to meet up on top of the wall every day just before dinner, to watch the Titan's movement slowly grind to a complete halt as the sunlight faded. It was utterly fascinating and caused you to feel a certain sense of security, to observe them stopping in their tracks or slumping to the ground one after another, to leave behind complete and utter silence. Tranquility even. You had considered from time to time to take Hange up here with you as well one day, but a part of you didn't want to break the exclusivity of this activity to only Sasha and you. </p><p>Even though you had parted on bad terms, you felt this invisible force tugging at your core, causing your legs to move on their own, like a very strange case of activated muscle memory. You walked this very same path every day, you wouldn't feel complete if you didn't. You had an inkling you would find Sasha on your usual spot as well and as soon as the slow elevator, designed to take humans as well as horses up the enormous wall, reached the top you were proven right. </p><p>The young cadet faced the sunset, as she rested right at the very edge of the wall, feet dangling over the abyss, heels forcefully smacking the stone beneath her, her hand clutching a moderate sized piece of bread. To your initial surprise was she still carrying her full maneuvering gear, until you remembered her complaining to you highly colorful about a late night training mission, she was supposed to venture on with the rest of the cadets. Oh, how glad you were, that your days as a cadet were over. The only thing you had to worry about disturbing your well earned rest, was Hange startling you awake by smacking research papers in your face - or Levi as he returned the restless scientist to their babysitter, after he had caught them sneaking out. </p><p>As you slowly approached Sasha you scolded yourself for not bringing any food; that certainly would have been a peace offering she could appreciate. The nervousness clumping in your stomach nearly prevented you from moving any closer, but as you noticed her head perking up and her rhythmic bumping against the wall stopping as the sound of your footsteps reached her ears, you knew there was no going back. Her back muscles tensed.</p><p>"Hey", you simply greeted her, your voice hoarse, as you sat down right beside her, but made sure to keep a considerable distance, in case she wasn't in the mood for company. For a few anxiety filled moments she didn't reply and you couldn't bare to face her, so instead you observed the sunset painting the area as far as the eyes could reach in it's colors reminding you of fall. It's calming warmth covered your face, caressed your cheeks and you took a deep breath. You felt the unusual sensation of peace tingling in your stomach. The handful of Titans resting on the grass threw long shadows, plastered like graffiti on the wall beneath you, made them look even more threatening than usual. But it was quiet. So quiet you could almost imagine a world without them. The sole thing disturbing the atmosphere was one lonely soldier on it's horse, carefully maneuvering around the dozing Titans. They were too far away to make out any details regarding their identity. Their cape fluttered in the warm breeze. You considered their behavior quite strange as it wasn't even nighttime yet. The possibility of one of them still being energized when provoked was pretty high. Sasha and you probably weren't the only ones fascinated by the monsters being at a complete halt for a change, but you preferred to keep a safe distance.</p><p>"Hey", Sasha echoed and took an especially big bite out of the already half eaten loaf of bread, "You feeling better?" <br/>
 Her question took you by surprise. You had already come up with a heartfelt speech, neatly listing the reasons why you were the biggest coward and idiot the Survey Corps had ever seen and why you felt so bad and guilty about arguing with her earlier. But after all this planing and overthinking, she had rendered all of your efforts pointless with those three simple words. <br/>
"I'm ... ah, yes", you stammered, thrown off track, not prepared for the embodiment of kindness that was Sasha, "I'm good, yeah, I'm fine, thanks." Nervously you kneaded your hands together until your knuckles whitened and your tongue ran over your dry and chapped lips. Your still fresh wound caused by the screwdriver throbbed painfully, as your fingers brushed over it.<br/>
"Alright, good", she answered, but at the same time didn't sound very convinced. As you curiously finally shot her a glance you spotted her furrow her brows in worry, her fingers clutching the bread now resting abandoned in her lap. The thumping of her heels continued. "I was worried, you know?"<br/>
"About what exactly?", you wanted to know and dared to slide a little closer to her. You chalked up the fact, that she apparently didn't mind, as a victory. <br/>
"That you wouldn't come." Sasha's voice quieted more and more with every word, so that the last syllables were barely audible and an ice cold claw seemed to clench your heart tightly in it's clutches. Now you couldn't help but feel downright awful about your outburst earlier. About calling her a bad friend. About even as much as considering that she had tried to make you look bad on purpose. Because right now you witnessed an exact reflection of your own guilt plastered on her features. <br/>
"Being alone up here sucks", she sighed, still dancing around the topic at hand, not addressing the elephant in the room, "It's not as fun as when I'm with you."</p><p>Your throat escaped something like a choked gasp, as you tried to gulp down the tears forming in the corner of your eyes. Her words burned themselves into your heart like a stigma. The two of you were close, but you had never heard her voice her affection for you that openly. You didn't deserve this kindness directed at you. Didn't deserve her warm and gentle confession about enjoying your company after how you had treated her. You had expected her to block off your attempts to reconnect, to simply ignore you, had already expected to be forced to raise your voice to make yourself heard. Never would you have guessed for your conversation to take this kind of melancholic turn. </p><p>It was hard to be forced to admit that you didn't know your friend as well as you had always thought you did. </p><p>Seemingly carelessly you shifted your body weight onto both of your arms as you placed your palms on the stony ground behind you. <br/>
"Well, we made a promise, didn't we?", you reminded her and as you caught her hastily wipe her eyes with the back of her hand, you insistently hoped she hadn't been removing evidence of her shedding tears, "To always meet up here, remember? To have this little piece and quiet? What kind of friend would I be to leave you hanging like that?" For a moment you hesitated, your fingers twitching in anticipation, before you took the leap over your insecurities and reached out to carefully take Sasha's free hand into your own, lacing your fingers together. You knew she appreciated any form of physical contact in your friendship, as small as it might be and this seemed to be like the right time for it.</p><p>"Sasha, listen", you mumbled and her dark orbs, clouded with uncertainty as well as a sprinkle of gratitude, focused you. The way she was looking at you enabled you to clearly spot the wetness clinging to her cheeks, "I'm sorry about what I said and I'm sorry if I hurt you with it in any way. It was stupid and I don't want us to fight over something like that."<br/>
A heavy weight got lifted off your chest, as soon as these words left your mouth and you noticed her eyes widen. Suddenly you were able to breath again, even though you didn't even know yet if she accepted your apology. <br/>
"O-oh no, you don't have to!", Sasha hurried to interrupt you and a faint blush colored her face pink, "It was me who was way too blunt and inconsiderate with your feelings and everything and I really shouldn't have done that. I should be the one to say sorry."<br/>
Her mind seemed to be all over the place and she was clearly taken aback by your initiative, but you were still able to spot the worry fading from her eyes and being replaced with relief. Gratefully your friends lips curled to an apologetic smile and she squeezed your hand. <br/>
"So you're not mad?"<br/>
"No, I'm not. Not anymore", you assured her, "I have to admit, you did a good job with setting my head straight." <br/>
You let out a sigh. <br/>
"I mean, I'm still pretty worried about what's going to happen, but you're right; telling Hange about this is the only way I'll ever know if they feel the same way about me. There's no way around it."<br/>
Sasha's eyes lit up. "You're actually going to do it? You're going to tell them?" Their honest and genuine excitement about you possibly entering a relationship - just combining these words in your head caused you to feel dizzy - with your superior was as heartwarming as it was putting pressure on you. Now you felt this weird sense of obligation to make sure not to disappoint her and her expectations.</p><p>"If it makes you happy", you snickered and untangled your fingers to lightly punch her shoulder instead, caused her to yelp, "I can't let them keep thinking I'm into Captain Levi. I mean, even if I was, he would be way out of my league. They'll think I'm delusional."<br/>
Despite your confident words you couldn't help but fumble nervously with the straps of your maneuvering gear to hide your trembling hands. You tried to convince yourself complaining about Levi being out of your league was just a joke, but deep inside you actually believed it. Meanwhile Hange was just as far out of your reach as him. You had been more than blessed to even call them your close friend, but desiring more than that was pushing your luck to the edge. Why would they be catching feelings for a plain soldier like you? Just thinking about actually confessing to them caused your throat to close up - and imagining their response even more. You should ask Sasha if she would be available to act as a living tissue dispenser in case the mission failed.</p><p>"A little more confidence wouldn't hurt you", she commented and directed her attention back to her nearly forgotten dinner. Considerate she broke the loaf in two halves to offer one to you and at this exact moment you knew that everything really was alright again between the both of you - otherwise she never would have parted with her food. <br/>
"You hungry?" You appreciated her peace offering silently, only nodding your head as a token of your gratitude as you took the piece of bread of her palm to shove it in between your teeth, to have an excuse not to answer - even though a full mouth had never stopped Sasha from talking and spraying the crumbs all over her conversation partner.</p><p>"Let's see; you're smart, you're a good soldier, you're actually pretty funny and considerate. And the both of you have been working together for years now, you know each other like the back of your hands. They'd be stupid to not at least give you a chance." Your face was burning up at her neatly listing her arguments, counting them with her fingers. It was an honor to know how highly she thought of you, how highly she rated your chances of success with someone like Hange. Though she probably was the only one. <br/>
"I'm sure you'll be fine. Trust me."<br/>
Sasha was naturally an optimistic person, though you still couldn't help but mark her strong conviction of your success as quite strange this time. Maybe she was just really set on cheering you up, granting you enough confidence to take the leap. Yet it was still strange enough to ask her about it. <br/>
"How come you're so sure about that?"<br/>
Without saying another word, Sasha abused the nearly completely annihilated remaining piece of bread to point at the figure at the bottom of the wall, who had circled the Titans with it's horse earlier - before letting it disappear in her mouth. While the both of you had been busy, whoever was down there had switched to their maneuvering gear and was dancing above and around a 5 meter Titan, pestering it like an annoying fly, while it was weakly flailing with it's arms trying to catch the bully. You noticed that they didn't have their swords out, but were rather fumbling with some sort of device, you weren't sure you had seen before.</p><p>Suddenly it hit you like the Colossal Titan's foot. How could you have been so blind?</p><p>"Sasha, please don't tell me that's Hange down there."<br/>
"Fine, I'm not telling you then."<br/>
Your throat escaped an annoyed groan. It wasn't like you were used to situations like this. Their non existent fear of Titans had been the source of countless problems in the past already. You had to practically drag your friend out of the danger zone by the collar to prevent them from inspecting some particular feisty and dangerous Abnormals up close, which would have most likely resulted in them ending up as Titan food. Or collect them from an irritated and sleep deprived Captain Levi, who had caught them sneaking out in the middle of the night to study these human eating monster's sleeping patterns - which, they had tried to assure you later, were a very important part of their behavior to explore. But you didn't recall a single occasion where the Section Commander had left the safety of the walls on their own or even had picked a fight with one of their obsessions without having any form of support watching their back. What had changed? Why were they so reckless?</p><p>"You wouldn't have any idea what they're up to, would you?", you wanted to know and regretted that very same question the second it spilled from your lips. Actually you were not prepared to be faced with what they had set their mind on this time. <br/>
"Catching a Titan for you."<br/>
Time seemed to be put on hold, as your brain desperately tried to process the words that had just spilled over Sasha's lips. You felt sick, dizzy and for a second you feared to lose your footing and just drop right over the edge of the wall and to your certain death. <br/>
"P-pardon, I think I didn't catch that", you croaked, while your eyes were glued to tiny Hange dashing and jumping around the small Titan, the constant gas emissions caused by their excessive air maneuvers trailing their slender body. Each time it's plump fingers missed them by just a hair, you couldn't help but flinch. Your pulse quickened rapidly. You had heard loud and clear what your friend had just informed you about, but you needed her to repeat it just once, for it to actually settle in your brain. For you to actually believe it.<br/>
"Well, the Section Commander came through here with their horse earlier", the young cadet explained and wiped some bread crumbs from the corner of her lips, "And when I asked them, what they were up to, they said they'd catch a Titan for you. Crazy, right? Wait, where are you going?"<br/>
Before Sasha even the chance to finish you were back on your feet, hands trembling. But not with anxiety, no, not with worry. These deafening feelings had been drowned out by nothing else but fierce fury. How could they be this stupid? Why were they risking their life for a fruitless and pointless task like that? </p><p>"That idiot!", you snarled, fingers clenched to fists, as the anger, you had successfully managed to suppress during your soothing talk with Sasha, unleashed itself. Boiled up your stomach again, your throat and started to fill your body up from bottom to top, colored your face bright red. Your tender affection and the fear for your partner's life were weakly pounding against the back of your head, so that you were able to easily brush them aside for now.<br/>
"Sasha, why didn't you tell me earlier?"<br/>
You were not able to comprehend why Hange's action had caused Sasha to think, that your chances to win over their heart were high - you were not able to spot any connection whatsoever, at least not at this moment. <br/>
"They're the Section Commander, they'll be fine", your friend tried to unsuccessfully calm you down, worry again plastering her face, "Haven't you guys done this before?"</p><p>Sasha was right; Hange had attempted to capture Titans before - Once. And it had nearly wiped out their whole squad, they had confessed to you with a husky voice, as you were cleaning their wounds and patching them up afterward. In the end they had been forced to kill the monster, that had been in their sights as the perfect candidate for an in depth study and their confidence had taken a massive blow as a result. It was a challenge you had rendered literally impossible before you had joined the Survey Corps years back, so just their attempt had impressed you in the beginning. But after you had witnessed them limping back to their quarters and nearly collapsing in your arms, bruised all over, you had them swear to you, to never try something like that on their own ever again. </p><p>And you hadn't been the only one to have second thoughts. Erwin as well as Levi appreciated the way the Section Commander invested themselves into their research, but weren't especially keen about their constant requests to borrow a small squad of soldiers to have them come as close to this human devouring monsters as possible and to actually catch one this time; even if it was just a small one. You couldn't decide which side to be on when it came to this rather sensitive topic. On one hand, you had sworn to support Hange and their efforts to the best of your abilities and whenever you spotted the disappointment darkening their features, every time their quite formal inquiry got rejected again, you couldn't help but feel bad for them. On the other hand you appreciated the other superiors aiding you with keeping them in line. It was dangerous, a big risk, a gamble not only with their own, but with every soldiers life under their command as well and even if it there was the slim possibility to launch mankind forward with whatever they would be able to learn by slicing one of them to pieces; It just was not worth it. If the Survey Corps ever lost someone like Hange, their ability to function would take a giant blow. Not even considering the emotional aspect of the loss of the known veteran. </p><p>What, by the walls, had caused them to think now, they had to catch one of them for you? What kind of purpose did it serve, despite making you want to strangle them personally?</p><p>"Yes and it nearly got them killed!", you blurted out in desperation, your hands snapping to the trigger of your operation device, to set the machinery in motion. To jump off the wall, fire off the hooks and let the wires close the distance between you and the Section Commander, to kill this damn Titan yourself, they had been messing around with for way too long and give them a piece of your mind. </p><p>But your fingers grasped at nothing. </p><p>With horror rising, clenching your heart and painting your face white as a ghost you patted yourself down, like you would be able to find pieces of your gear in the pockets of your pants or a sharpened blade hidden underneath your jacket. The persistent throbbing of the piercing wound on the back of your hand painfully reminded you of your decision to leave your weapons behind in the warehouse. <br/>
"You have to be kidding me!", you groaned and raked your fingers through your hair, "I will never make it back in time." Slowly but steadily the fear, that you had been able to brush aside until now, was creeping up your stomach, your throat, settling around your heart, slowly drowning the initial spike of fury. What if you were forced to sit up here and watch them die? Witness them get devoured? Powerless, Useless, without being able to intervene. </p><p>"Take mine."</p><p>Your head darted in Sasha's direction, who was back up on her feet again as well. Calmly she patted evidence of her dinner off her pants, before fumbling with her maneuvering gear without any hesitation, quickly and efficiently loosening screws, unhooking hooks and unbuckling straps, until the first part of the fine machinery nestling in the small of her back clattered abandoned to the ground. It was like she had sensed your strong desire to safe your partner, even is she didn't consider them in need of protection. <br/>
"Sasha, I ..."<br/>
"No, no complaining. Come over here." </p><p>Soon after one of her blade sheaths dropped to the ground as well, metal meeting stone with a sharp thud. </p><p>You wouldn't even have thought about borrowing her equipment, if she hadn't offered it to you. Usually soldiers didn't switch their gears, unless they were in a life threatening situation and their life's depended on it. As from the day you were granted your own after graduation, polishing, caring and upgrading it was your own responsibility. If you managed to break or lose it, you had to replace it yourself and with your own funds as well. Regular Check-ups were supposed to keep you on your toes to actually do it, but since these were mandatory for Cadets only, who were borrowing special training gear which didn't actually belong to them and they had to return fully functional and in one piece before they left the academy, rarely any other graduate usually bothered to show up. </p><p>Since your graduation you had gotten so used to your own trusty gear, that you couldn't tell how you would be performing with a completely foreign one. You were familiar with all it's tweaks and jams, could point out every little scratch and dent. You had even upgraded it, years back, when you still had the energy and motivation to actually care for it, and extended the wires for more reach and flexibility during air maneuvers. The gas emitters and fans were tweaked as well, to consume less gas while still boosting you with the same speed. A sprinkle of anxiety trickled down your neck at the thought, that you had to use one completely unfamiliar to you, but in this situation you had no other choice but to make it work. </p><p>"Thank you", you mumbled, as you lifted up your arms and allowed Sasha to assist you with gearing up. <br/>
"Don't mention it."<br/>
Experienced she nestled the fans and gas emitters in the small of your back and fastened the buckles around your hip tightly, to quickly proceed to hooking the blade sheaths onto your belt. Impatiently you fixed the quite loose straps to secure the operating device where you would actually be able to reach it. The whole time your eyes seemed to wander on their own, locking on Hange's small form, again and again, a persistent back and forth. Like you had to check their status constantly, to make sure they were still moving. To make sure they were still alive. In the meantime the Section Commander had abandoned their ominous device and finally unsheathed their swords, separated their target from the other Titans, which appeared to be too sluggish to actually chase the human, while using themselves as bait. They departed further and further from the wall. Hange was plunging the wires connected to the hooks of their maneuvering gear in one tree after another, tearing bark and ripping leafs while leaping from branch to branch and from branch to the ground, stumbling and tripping for a breathless second, just to perform an air jump soon after. Determined they set gas and fans in motion and launched themselves back towards the sunset to again escape their pursuers clumsy fingers by a hair - Carrying the pitch black device on their back.</p><p>As angry and concern filled as you were, you still couldn't deny that their skills were impressive. Maybe they didn't have the strength and the perfect technique required to assassinate a Titan as quickly and efficiently like Levi or Mikasa, even if they were able to teach it in theory, but their agility and stamina were unmatched. You couldn't help but study them in awe, just as you had been this morning, how they contorted their sleek body with the grace of a cat seemingly effortlessly. You on the other hand were painfully reminded of your own fatigue as soon as Sasha fastened the last buckle keeping your gear in place tightly around your thigh and caused your muscles to strain and tense. How Hange was still that full of energy was beyond your comprehension.</p><p>"You're ready to go, Captain", she snickered and took a step back to admire her handiwork, while you weighted the operation devices in your palms sceptically, pulled the trigger for test purposes and grimaced as your ears picked up the faint sound of the mechanism's whine in protest. The metal was weirdly sticky to the touch.<br/>
Sasha seemed to have noticed your wary look. <br/>
"I might have spilled meat juice over it the other day, but it should still be good to go", she tried to unsuccessfully appease you.<br/>
"Why am I not surprised?"<br/>
Curiously you tapped against the gas canisters and the dull sound revealed their insides being just about full. It wasn't perfect, but it was as good as it was going to get. As long as you remembered the shorter wires, which would force you to keep air maneuvers at a minimum and to calculate distances more accurately than usual, you were going to be fine. </p><p>You positioned yourself at the edge of the wall and stared down at the ground beneath your feet. The scenery greeting you suddenly didn't remind you of tender things like fall anymore, but rather blood and fire - hell itself. With your gear back on your hip, your brain switched to combat mode. The dozing Titans didn't represent tranquility anymore, but rather were intrusive obstacles for you or your wires to get caught on while maneuvering. So for you to move around the area safely without a horse or at least until you had caught up with the one still loosely, but quite disoriented, following Hange, you had secure a route beforehand. Your mind instantly highlighted the scarce trees populating the area or rather the small clusters of greenery seemingly randomly placed, far from meeting the requirements to be called a forest. Only a few of them would be tall and close enough to be usable, but all of them grew in a straight line - a fact you could utilize to your advantage. It was the very same route your partner seemed to have taken as well.</p><p>You noticed Sasha coming up from behind you, idling at your side, her fingers nervously kneading the hand you had taken in yours previously. Her features softened. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. <br/>
"Be safe down there."<br/>
"Don't worry", you assured her and gifted her a winning smirk, to not only motivate her, but yourself as well, before your fist beat onto the winged patch of your uniform in a salute, "See you soon."</p><p>One step forward and you were in free fall, the air flogging around your face, causing your eyes to burn and water, the tears streaming upwards your cheeks and forehead, dripping of your scalp, while you forced yourself to keep your mouth shut, to not accidentally bite off your tongue. The ground, covered with dazed Titans, came closer, faster than you had anticipated and the adrenalin pumping through your bloodstream caused your fingers to twitch to the trigger of your operation device earlier than intended. You had to squeeze the metal harder than you were used to and for a breathless second you panicked they wouldn't actually fire, but as soon as the familiar sound of the wires unraveling filled up your ears, your freezing spike in fear ceased. </p><p>Just seconds before your body would collide with the ground and smash into a thousand pieces, the hooks found their wooden targets and the wires yanked your body upwards, past a muscular Titan's slumped form, your hips barely scraping the outside of it's cheek. You tried to not let this incident stifle your resolve, as you loosened the metal teeth in the bark and used the momentum gained to activate the gas emitters and launch yourself forward. The wind howled in your ears, but after all these years of training your hearing was sharp enough to drown out the unnecessary white noise and focus on the task at hand. Hange was nearly out of your sight, but they seemed to have stopped venturing even further from the walls, had settled on a spot barely hidden in one of the fake forests, free of other Titans besides their target or other obstacles to get in their way. </p><p>Energized by the fact that you were rapidly closing the distance between you and your partner you gritted your teeth and clenched the operation devices triggers again to fire off the hooks. With every other pull they seemed to whine even louder and more desperate. Skilled you avoided any other immobile Titan while following Hange's trail, only accidentally barely collided with another one of these monsters once, as they unexpectedly yanked up their arm right in that moment you tried to pass them. With the support of the burning hot adrenalin exploding right in your chest, you instinctively performed a straining pirouette, your muscles arching and screeching in pain. You were close to strangling yourself, your body dangling helplessly from the connected metal wires for a split second, which were digging sharply into your soft skin and caused you to wince in agony, before you were able to regain control and reel them back in, to fling yourself up on a strong branch and catch a deep breath. As you rolled up the sleeves of your uniform, fingers still trembling and heart fluttering, you unsurprisingly uncovered the long and thin bruises left by the wires spreading over your forearms - reminders of your negligence. Sasha's equipment sure felt different, yet you weren't able to pinpoint what exactly it was that was bothering you - besides the operation device's handles stained in meat juice of course. </p><p>You weren't granted a very long break, as Hange's familiar voice rang in your ears, calling your name. Your head perked up, while you wiped the sweat dripping of your chin. The scene unfolding before you was quite bizarre. Hange had actually managed to cripple the small Titan, they had been chasing, by cutting their Achilles's heels and force it on it's belly, their deformed head strained awkwardly to still be able to focus the scientist. It groaned and screeched and ground it's teeth, desperately digging it's bruised fingers into the ground. One time after another it tried pushing itself back up and grew more angry with each failed attempt. Hange didn't seem to be bothered by the imminent danger before them in the slightest. Daring they had sheathed swords as well as their operation devices and instead of positioning themselves at a safe distance, their slender body lingered just centimeters out of the monster's reach. If you hadn't known it any better, you would have guessed they had some kind of death wish by provoking it on purpose. Their clothes were drenched in sweat and blood, but this time you were not in the mood to enjoy the sight. A winning smirk was plastered on their lips, their eyes sparkling with anticipation.</p><p>"I didn't know you were interested to see the show!"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Originally this chapter consisted of two parts; Part One for Sasha and Part Two for Hange. Though I didn't manage to finish Hange's part on time or at least I'm not satisfied with it yet. So I left you with an anime like cliffhanger for Hange's part, which I will deliver as the chapter for next week</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Worrying | Hange</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I didn't know you were interested to see the show!", Hange cackled, dancing sideways nearly absentmindedly as another pair of fingers attempted to grasp their fluttering cape, "I would have reserved you the best seats. But you're lucky; you're just in time. So take a seat, relax, enjoy the view. I mean, look at this beauty!" They threw their arms in the air, presenting the flesh devouring monster behind them like they were proudly showing off their most beloved pet - or child.<br/>At first you were speechless. You had witnessed quite a few of Hange's escapades over the years, but this was beyond any other incident you were able to recall - or rather, beyond any they had actively involved you in before. Unwilling you soon were seething with anger again, which twisted and turned your stomach and caused it to ache. Your hands clenched to fists.<br/>"Hange, what the fuck are you doing here?", you barked and rappelled down from the tree branch, nearly lost your footing as your trembling knees connected with the soft grass. You already knew the answer they were going to present to you yet you wanted to hear it coming out of that pretty blunt mouth of their's to be sure.</p><p>"What does it look like?", the Section Commander cheekily returned your question and again fumbled with the device they had brought with them. Up close you were now able to identify it as one of their latest Titan catching prototypes; a net, charged with spikes and strong wires, stuffed inside a barrel so it was portable for a single soldier and released with a similar technique used to fire off the wires of your maneuvering gear. They had designed and build this in secret from the rest of the Survey Corps. You had often caught them sketching on the messy blueprints in their scarce spare time. But since Erwin didn't approve of their Titan catching experiments, they kept them hidden from their official invention drafts. You had voiced your concerns about their dangerous intentions more than once and they had assured you over and over again, with that sweet apologetic smile curling their lips which tended to set off the butterflies in your stomach, to never actually construct a working prototype or even use it. So right now, catching them red-handed with this fully functional Titan trap, they had kept a secret even from you, you felt betrayed.</p><p>"You can't be serious about catching this Titan", you complained and vaguely gestured in the direction of your uninvited guest, who gifted you a piercing stare with pitch black orbs in return, "You promised me to never try this again and now you're here, without any backup, playing with your little friend, putting your life in danger and for what?"</p><p>You spitted out the last words in a much more ferocious and harsher tone than you had intended. The two of you were close, yet they were still your commanding officer and could easily punish you for such insolence. But right now you didn't care about the consequences. This painful tug at your heartstrings you felt just by thinking about losing your partner to one of these monsters, just the way you had countless times before, was enough for you to blow a fuse. You were already forced to accept and live with this nerve wrecking fear for them every time they left the safety of the walls with the rest of the Survey Corps. Had to watch them all excitedly shift on top of their horse, yelling and cackling at a quite irritated Captain Levi and imagine with a heavy heart that this could be the last time you would ever see them alive. You were aware they were one of the toughest and brightest soldiers humanity had to offer and you trusted their intelligence as much as their abilities in combat, yet Titans didn't care about any of that. Once they caught you by surprise, with no opportunity for an escape, you were nothing more than another casualty, another winged and torn patch to return to family and loved ones.</p><p>This time the Section Commander didn't answer right away. Their sight was directed at a point somewhere behind you, the sunset reflecting in their bloodstained goggles. The silence was onerous and only torn by the pained groans of the Titan wallowing in the dirt behind your partner.</p><p>Shakily you took a deep breath.</p><p>"I know what you told Sasha earlier", you confessed, voice breaking and you noticed their body tensing ever so slightly, "You said, you were doing this for me. What did you mean by that? Why do you think I would want that?"<br/>Slowly you set your legs in motion and shortened the distance gaping between the both of you. For a brief second they seemed helpless, conflicted, furrowing their brows, probably weighting their options just like you were and you couldn't help but witness a worried spark to weakly flicker in their eyes. Suddenly you felt torn; you weren't sure if the desire to either smack or kiss them was stronger. </p><p>"All I want is to not lose you, Hange."</p><p>The Section Commander broke their silence, as their throat escaped a sigh and they lazily stretched their arms, ultimately crossing them behind their head. Their chin was raised, eyes focusing the sky like they were actively avoiding having to face you.<br/>"Man and here I thought I could impress you with some fancy new techniques", they complained, turning on their heels to admire their handiwork, but to also leave you with the view of their back and prominent biceps peeking through their shirt. A breath quietly hitched in your throat. Steam still oozed from the wounds at the bottom of the Titan's legs, swirling in tiny tornadoes skyward. <br/>"But looks like you don't have that much faith in your Section Commander's abilities."<br/>"I didn't -", you hurried to correct them, as that definitely wasn't what you were trying to convey at all and you weren't exactly keen about stacking even more misunderstandings.<br/>"Relax, I'm joking", they snickered, their heavy ponytail whipped and you spotted them scratching the back of their neck nervously. Since you were not able to observe their facial features and how they corresponded, you were not so sure if you should really believe this statement.</p><p>Your stomach cramped painfully.</p><p>"I mean, this new blueprint really is foolproof." Absentmindedly they gave their device now resting at their feet a soft kick.<br/>"I had no other choice but to cut this baby's little feet to make it work though. I have to remember to improve that with the next prototype."<br/>Before you were able to even take a breath, to, quite offended, have them recall their promise to you, the third party present in this conversation startled you and caused you to choke on your words. Accompanied by an agony filled wail the monster's hand lunged forward, giant fingers curling in anticipation to crush the skilled soldier in it's palm and this time Hange didn't even flinch. It's fingers cramped just centimeters away from the seam of their cape, your own already twitching in the direction of your blades sheathed at your hips, ready to put it down in case it as much as brushed your superior. Instead your throat escaped an anxious gasp, faintly resembling your partner's name, as they actually reached out for the Titan to touch it, stroking the sickly colored skin almost gently.</p><p>The scene unfolding before you featuring the eccentric scientist connecting with their crippled obsession in this rather tender way nearly caused you to forget, that this Titan wouldn't hesitate to crush the both of you in the blink of an eye, if it had been able to move.</p><p>"I wonder if he could have pulled it off", Hange uttered under their breath, rather a statement than a question, a faint frustration coloring their voice. You weren't quite sure if they were even directing their words at you anymore, but rather themselves. They were barely audible.<br/>"Everything he has to do is his fancy slashing move and slice some Titans to pieces. Extra points, if he looks as bored as possible while doing it. And congratulations, all the woman fall at his feet. Well, Men too, let's be honest here."<br/>They cackled quite bitterly.<br/>"But what he is lacking, I always tell him that, is a basic sense of teamwork. Tactical awareness. He doesn't have what it takes to catch one of these alive. In fact, he could learn something from me."<br/>Frantically your mind tried to pierce together the information it was able to gather from their little heated speech, to make some sense out of them. Their thoughts seemed to be all over the place again, you had trouble keeping up.</p><p>"So why him?"</p><p>Ultimately they pulled away their hand resting on the Titan's chapped fingernail, turned around and you couldn't help but be taken aback by their facial expression. Their features were plastered with something loosely resembling despair, twisted their lips to a sour smirk, tickled their nose and caused it to twitch as well as their brows to furrow and transformed their forehead into a wrinkled landscape. Disappointment clouded the amber orbs behind their spotted glasses. They took in your shocked and anxious form for a split second, before they forced themselves to put on a rather warm smile. This time it was quite obvious they were using it to cover up their true feelings hiding right beneath the surface.</p><p>"Why are you looking at him and not me?"</p><p>The tension between the both of you was nearly tangible, as the silence nestling in after the words had fallen from their lips grew louder and more oppressive with every passing second. Your mind was clouded and your face flushed, as your brain slowly started to process what they had just told you - confessed to you. To realize how much trust they had placed in you to let you witness them this hurt and vulnerable. And suddenly it dawned on you, as you recalled Sasha's words from earlier; They really had tried to impress you. Only you. Apparently they had been so frustrated by Sasha's comment about you allegedly only granting Captain Levi all of your undivided attention, that they had gone out of their way to make you shift your eyes - and heart - back to them. Like a kitten whining and yearning for the hand of it's human to pat and caress it's furry belly. </p><p>"Hange", you sighed, slowly unloading the air that had built up inside your lungs, as you unknowingly had been holding your breath for the last few seconds,<br/>"So that's what this is about. Listen, I ..." <br/>The proper words escaped your dried out throat. With a fluttering heart you remembered, that not too long ago you had been at Sasha's side, worrying about how your blooming feelings of affection, rapidly growing beyond any still appropriate for a simple friendship, would affect your close relationship to Hange. And now you were facing them, witnessed them squirm beneath their crushing worries, wrestling with their own emotions and insecurities, confessing how jealous they were about you possibly redeploying your focus to someone like Captain Levi. Practically begging you to lay your eyes on them, so they could ruffle their colorful feathers and show off their own set of abilities.</p><p>Like they were courting you. </p><p>It was now or never. You had been given this one opportunity to clear this up, to settle this once and for all and you were not going to waste it.</p><p>"It's always been you, OK?", you blurted out rather bluntly. You had tried to wrap your words, your own confession, in a pretty and more melancholic little speech yourself, but you just couldn't do it. You were lucky your mind was able to fabricate words at all, as it send out wave after wave of the strong feeling of anticipation as well as anxiety to nestle in every inch of your body; mainly pooling at your core.</p><p>To your - quite pleasant - surprise you witnessed your partner's cheeks flush, their muscles relax and the worried wrinkles on their forehead smoothed. Faintly they were uttering your name under their breath, but you cut them off.<br/>"Please, just shut up for a minute and let me finish or I'm never going to say it", you pleaded and instantly they replaced their bitter grimace with a challenging smirk, setting one foot in front of the other to remove themselves from the Titan and rather close the remaining distance to you. Frantically your heart was beating against the insides of your ribcage and you feared you were going to pass out right on the spot, before you were even able to finish.</p><p>"Sasha was talking bullshit", you croaked, "I haven't been watching Captain Levi, I never was. I've been watching you."<br/>You lifted your head to focus them in the desperate need to watch their reaction to your every word.<br/>"And I don't have a crush on him either. Not him. I just really wanted to clear that up, I don't want you to have the wrong idea."<br/>Despite your need to be sharp and level headed, your brain was not able to focus on the task at hand, with your Section Commander barely lingering a meter away from you, in plain reach of your hands. Secretly you yearned to reach out and brush this messy and blood soaked strain of hair out of their face, that painted their forehead like a colored brush, to skim their skin and revel in the soft touch. Thus even considering the direction this discussion was going, you were conflicted if it would be an appropriate behavior or simple too much.</p><p>"Because I don't think I could handle that."</p><p>"Oh yeah?", Hange commented rather cheekily, "Sounds like you do have a crush though, even if it isn't our dear Captain." They rested their fingers on their chin and tapped rhythmically with their free hand on the outside of their goggles, acted like being deep in thought.<br/>"But then who could it be? I just can't figure out who you'd fancy. Come on, let me in on the secret!"<br/>It was quite astonishing how quickly they had managed to dig their usual eccentric and energetic personality out from underneath that gloomy facade, that had taken over for the last few minutes. And even more how quickly they had decided to tease you to an extent that you were already squirming, even though they hadn't even touched you, instead of keeping up that courtship behavior.<br/>Uncomfortable you shifted your weight from one leg to the other, avoided their gaze beaming with excitement and looking for eye contact.<br/>"I can't believe you're making me say it", you groaned with frustration and pouted at their amused snickering. They knew exactly how to rail you up, which buttons to push and you hated them for it.</p><p>Nervously your hand reached out, with them following suit, like facing a mirror and soon both of your palms connected in a soft and loving touch. Their strong and rough fingers were brushing and caressing your skin, before lacing them with yours. <br/>It wasn't the first time that you had linked your hands since you knew each other, but the first time it felt quite this intimate. You had always feared how Hange's knowledge of your crush on them would affect your relationship, this close friendship you had build, in case they rejected you. Never would you have even considered what your future would look like in case they accepted and even returned your feelings.</p><p>But now with Hange's hand resting comfortable in yours, you were pleased to realize that everything was different and yet nothing had changed.</p><p>You took a deep breath.</p><p>"It's you, Hange", you confessed with a heavy tongue and this burning sensation tingling on your face, your skin, traveled down your body to pool and settle in form of an embarrassing wetness between your legs, "It's always been you."<br/>As soon as these words had fallen from your lips, your mind seemed to snap back to being crystal clear, like someone had flipped a switch. Before it had been clouded with uncertainty, uneasiness and anxiety, but now it was empty and ready to be filled with all these new emotions you were eagerly looking forward to experience.<br/>Hange's throat vibrated with a deep hum of approval and they used their free hand to brush your chin and gently angle it upwards. Your eyes widened at the unexpected contact.</p><p>"You have no idea how long I have wished to hear you say that", they shared, their voice hoarse and your own excitement caused your blood to boil as you spotted this dark sprinkle of desire underneath the burning affection swirling in their amber orbs, nearly draining it of every color. The soft squeeze of your hand in theirs barely elicited a soft moan from you. Bits and pieces of your past reveries trickled in your now empty mind and started to occupy the recently freed up space.<br/>"I have thought about how something like this would play out lots of times before and I have to admit, Titans have been involved once or twice." You decided not to pry into this already bizarre enough statement any further, to preserve your own sanity - and possibly innocence.<br/>"But the real thing is so much better than anything I could have imagined."<br/>"By the walls, that was so incredibly cheesy", you chuckled and gladly leaned in the touch, as their slender fingers trailed up your face to cup your cheek,<br/>"I didn't know you were such a sweet talker."<br/>"Oh honey, we're just getting started", they purred, a sly smile decorating their lips and their promise set your skin on fire.</p><p>Before you were able to think of an appropriate return for their suggestive comment you felt a strong tug, which caused you to squeal in surprise and soon after you bumped right into Hange's chest, as they pulled you in for a hug. Your full maneuvering gear still decorating your body collided with their thighs, but they didn't seem to be bothered by the obstacles between you as they let out a relieved and content sigh, which send a shiver traveling over your skin.<br/>"I'm glad you came after me to clear this up", they uttered under their breath, as you reluctantly wrapped your own arms around their waist to pull them closer, to feel more of them, clutching their shirt between your fingers like they would slip away from underneath you if you didn't. Their body felt incredibly warm. You couldn't resist the urge to bury your face in the crook of their neck and take in their strong and familiar scent of ash and damp wood, now mixed with blood and sweat. The tips of their straggly and messy hair tickled your cheek.</p><p>In this moment the world only consisted of you and them and nothing and no one else. Time seemed to stop and you desperately yearned for it to stay that way.</p><p>"But I hope you know, that I still would have delivered this little present right to the doorstep of your room if you hadn't", Hange's voice vibrated right beside your ear, lips faintly brushing the lobe. But just like that the atmospheric bubble burst and you yelled with laughter at the thought of them attempting to guide and squeeze this massive Titan through the tiny doorframe.<br/>"Oh, I have absolutely no doubt about that!", you snorted and brought your hands to their chest to gently push them back, to create enough space between the both of you to take a glimpse at their face. It was still slightly flushed, eyes sparkling and a smirk tugged at the corner of their lips. Their strong hands absentmindedly trailed down from your shoulder blades to your hips and gently gripped onto them, guiding them to connect with their own and you feared to choke on your own spit as you let out a gasp.<br/>"I love that I can make you laugh like that", they said and another lonely strand of hair fell into their eyes as they angled their head and leaned down to you ever so slightly. Your heart started to pump much more adrenaline through your veins than it probably needed, left your hands on their chest trembling with anxiety and anticipation. You were sure this soon would be too much for your body to handle and it would just shut down right on the spot - and you were weirdly fine with that. You just needed it to hold on for another few breathless moments.</p><p>Hange's lips were just centimeters away from your own and their hot breath tickled your skin. "May I?", they asked for your permission, your eyes already fluttering shut and you hummed in approval. Your whole world went as dark as tar, with your partner's aura as the sole dazzling exception. You held your breath in anticipatory thrill of your mouths and tongues meeting and -</p><p>Suddenly a harsh cracking noise, accompanied by a growling moan, assailed your ears, which tore the both of you apart instantly as you jumped in horror. Already expecting an ambush your hands flew to the hilts of your blades, to yank them out of their sheaths and even your Section Commander's fingers, which had just lingered on your body so sweetly, cramped around the handles of their operation devices. Frantically you swirled around and it took you an anxiety filled second to locate the sound originating from the neglected third party in form of the small Titan, which had been the one to disturb your private moment - probably on purpose.</p><p>"By the walls!", you blurted out, desperately trying to calm down your wildly throbbing heart, sounding about defeaning in your ears, which in return made your head spin and you had to bury your feet deeper into the forest floor to not lose your footing. Hange's chosen token of love had used the time both of you had been distracted with each other quite efficiently to regenerate. It had gained back one of it's Achille's heels, the other still steaming like a teakettle and had managed to crawl dangerously close to your position, leaving behind a trail of flattened and destroyed vegetation - lastly smashing something beneath one of it's paws.</p><p>"No!", Hange screeched and ruffled their hair, as they identified the wooden splinters and miserable tangled pieces of wire between the giant fingers as their forgotten trap prototype. You wouldn't call this particular Titan an Abnormal or exceptionally intelligent at all, but smashing the device that had nearly bestowed unnumbered days under surveillance by the Section Commander's waking eye on them, had been kind of a smart move. You were not sure if you should feel at ease or sympathy that your partner's plan had, once again, not come to fruition.</p><p>The flesh tearing monster bared it's teeth and it's greasy and messy black hair, which you couldn't help but compare to Hange's thatch, nearly covered it's dangerously glowing eyes. A cracking voice in the back of your mind suddenly urged you to leave as quickly as possible. But before you were even able to submit your proposal to the Section Commander, they decided to do the complete opposite; they strode past you and right back into the range of the Titan's grabby claws.</p><p>"Hanni, young lady", they scolded the giant human resembling creature, now balancing on hands and one knee, their body twisted and bent, "Look at what you've done!" They gestured desperately at the scattered pieces of their smashed invention and took a deep breath to wail in it's general direction, fingers close to snapping their hair tie by accident.<br/>"Now I have to start all over again! I was so close!"<br/>Your brain needed some time to even process what was happening, while your body was so baffled by the scene unfolding before you, that it forgot it was still supposed to be shocked. The grip around your swords loosened, yet you didn't find the courage to follow suit and stand in reach of your partner to drag them out of the danger zone if necessary, since they were way too close to the enemy for your liking.<br/>"Hanni", you echoed stoic, as you finally realized who they were even talking to - which was not you, "Please don't tell me you have already given it a name." Right after these words left your mouth, you were bestowed with a - quite indignant - answer.</p><p>"Of course, I have given her a name, you brute", Hange scuffed and turned on their heels to face you, "I can't keep calling her Titan, can I?"<br/>This was one of the most Hange-like things you had ever heard them say. But you didn't have the luxury of time to be offended by their blunt response and suggest, that they, quite certainly, could keep calling her just that.<br/>"Hange, eyes up front!", you warned them instead and panic spiked in your chest, as Hanni pushed herself forward and ripped it's jaws open, in anticipation to crush the Section Commander's body in between her sharp teeth. She actually managed to tear the seam of their cape as they skipped out of reach at the last possible second, the Titan's chin ultimately colliding with the forest floor in defeat. This was the warning shot, the sign for you not to push your luck any further and get out of here as soon as possible. Somewhere where you were able to wrap up your earlier conversation in peace and without a crazy Titan lady breathing down your necks.</p><p>"Ah man and I just fixed that one", they sighed and lifted their tatty green cape to take a closer look at the damage. You couldn't help but be hypnotized by their overly messy hair and crooked glasses. You felt the sudden urge tickling in your fingertips to take up a brush to attempt to tame their thatch, while listen to the soothing noises escaping their throat at the physical contact. For now you pushed the idea into the back of your mind.<br/>"I hate to break it to you, but we have to put Hanni out of her misery, before she returns she favor", you suggested to a not very convinced Hange.<br/>"How can a mother kill her own child like that?", they asked in return and grimaced, like you had just urged them to slaughter their own flesh and blood, "You're really asking a lot, love."<br/>You tried to not let the sudden use of this cute little nickname knock you off course, even if you had a much more difficult time forming words out of your thoughts. It was ridiculous, how easy it was for them to reel you in. <br/>"Alright, fine", you gave in, since you knew you wouldn't be able to win any argument against them and grabbed a hold onto your operation devices, finger already on the trigger, "Your Hanni can live a little while longer, but only if you promise to get us out of here right now."</p><p>A smirk decorated their lips and absentmindedly they wiped a smear of blood off of their cheek.</p><p>"As my lady commands", they purred and before you were even able to take a breath, gas funneled out of the Section Commander's gas emitters, causing their cape to flutter. The hooks on their wires whooshed right past your head and buried themselves into the trees behind you and with an inhuman squeal they rushed forward, snatched your form off the ground like a doll and launched themselves upwards.</p><p>Your throat escaped a terrified scream, as you held onto your friend for your dear life, arms clasped tightly around their neck, feet dangling at first, but soon wrapped desperately around their waist, while you gave it your best shot to not block their ability to maneuver with your limbs - as it would cost both of your lives if you did.<br/>"What are you doing?!", you cried in panic with your mouth right besides their ear, as you observed over Hange's shoulder Hanni getting smaller and smaller by the second and soon being obstructed by trees completely. The heels of your shoes collided with the massive blade sheaths first with a bright thud, then nearly got tangled up in the exposed wires scraping over your own gas tanks and it certainly took more of your upper body strength to hold onto your Commander, than to just use the gear yourself. Frustrated you grabbed a handful of the fabric of their shirt peeking from underneath their cape and squeezed your eyes shut, as the strands of their hair as well as yours smacked into your face repeatedly.</p><p>Your partner however seemed to be clearly enjoying themselves.</p><p>"What? Didn't you tell me to get you out of there?", Hange yelled with laughter and you shrieked every time the strong wires yanked both of your bodies upwards, screeching and whining under the extra weight, "Relax, you're fine!". You had trouble believing that, since you were not sure the device was exactly constructed to carry the weight of two bodies - even if Hange didn't seem burdened with it at all. Also, it was one thing to have a clear view and to be in full control of your own limbs as well as the machinery they were operating, but it was another matter alltogether to have to blindly trust someone else to carry you safely and to not crash with any seen or unforeseen obstacles.</p><p>A leap of faith.</p><p>"I didn't mean that literally!", you groaned and buried your flushed face in the crook of their neck. Just now you were aware in what kind of position you had found yourself in, with your arms and legs clutched firmly around your crush, hips connecting with their waist and their wildly fluttering heart right beneath your right breast. You weren't able to tell if it was just the adrenalin driving up their pulse and the strain of carrying you, that caused their firm muscles pressing against you to jitter or the exact same excitement and yearning filling you up.</p><p>All you knew was, that you were glad about them not being able to see your face right now.</p><p>"Oh Sina, we're going to die, we're so going to die", you chanted under your breath, only interrupted by the familiar noises of the wires rotating and unraveling, as well as the fans beneath your heels bursting out spurts of gas. You felt another sharp pull at your core, as Hange used the momentum as well as the gas emission to fly forward and to extend their air jump, possibly looking for another obstacle to grapple onto.</p><p>"Don't worry", they mumbled, their deep voice soothing and more mellow this time, possibly noticing your trembling body. Their cheek connected with your ear shell, as they slightly moved their head - the only available skin contact for them to perform in your current position, without abandoning their maneuvering gear, "I've got you, you're safe with me."</p><p>And this time, you believed them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Trivia: Hanni is a female German name and derived from Hannibal Lecter. Also its pronounced almost the way same way than "honey". Thought that was a cute touch. Honestly, I grew a little attached to Hanni while editing this one. It wasn't intended, but I think she needs a comeback - for Hange's sake.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Caring | You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of your journey back to the walls Hange and you spend in comfortable silence.</p><p>Despite your initial worries Hange managed to not cause any life threatening incidences, neither with a Titan nor another more stationary obstacle, yet you still audibly exhaled in relief as soon as they finally set you back down on your jiggly legs in front of the elevator. At this point in time every last drop of energy had been sucked from your body - and you were not the only one. After that training session this morning, their dance with Hanni, the emotional strain on their heart and mind and ultimately their flattering, but unnecessary, show off with their body strength, your partner was clearly worn out as well. So you had persuaded them to take the elevator back to the top, instead of utilizing the maneuvering gear and even though their need to impress you was still very much present in that amber orbs of theirs, they thankfully yielded to your arguments.</p><p>As the lift started to move up, you noticed how much time you must have spend outside of the safety of the walls. The sun had almost completely disappeared beyond the horizon, spending you their last rays of sunlight, desperately crawling over the grass, but were not even able to reach the bottom of the wall anymore. The Titans weren't more than dark puddles in a see of darkness. That you had managed to return without bumping into one of them was a miracle. </p><p>The entire wordless ride Hange had their arm gently wrapped around your shoulder, spending you their warmth in the now chilly evening breeze. The consistent rattling of the machinery pulling both of you up was now and again forcing your eyes to fall shut and your partner's amused hum vibrating in their throat, whenever your chin dropped onto your chest for a split second and their fingers playing with your hair, faintly brushing your scalp, surely didn't help keeping you awake either. Everything you could think about right now was properly washing that stench and dirt off of your body, hiding in between your blankets and sleeping through until the next day. In the back of your mind flickered that weak and selfish yearning for Hange to join you; to not necessarily engage in any sexual activities, even though that part of you, that desired for them to mark you all over, wasn't entirely silent during this inner debate. But right now you wished for nothing more but for them to hold you, whisper sweet nothings in your ear and help you drift off to sleep. </p><p>A dumb smile curled your lips as the reverie occupied your mind and a warm fuzz filled your stomach. Absentmindedly you laced your fingers with their's dangling over your shoulder and satisfied you felt them squeezing them quite tenderly in return.</p><p>Though the soft atmosphere didn't last.</p><p>As soon as the elevator reached it's destination and you and your partner stepped onto the lazily drawn path to the very same machinery designed to set you back down on the other side, a lump build by an entirely different emotion settled in your abdomen and caused you to suddenly feel dizzy. Hange pulled their arm from your shoulder and out of your gentle hold, like they had burned themselves and let out a silent swear. You had emerged at the exact same spot where you had left Sasha behind earlier and watching the scene unfold before you, you felt downright awful to not even have wasted a minute thinking about her after you had departed. </p><p>In the weak flickering light of the torches circling around the entirety of the wall, intercepting the brewing darkness like fireflies, you managed to spot Sasha's small form, her face a grimace, eyes swimming in tears and her fist curled to a desperate salute, clutching the winged patch on her chest tightly. Towering her were no one else but Commander Sadis and Erwin himself. Even if you couldn't hear what they were saying or rather growling, judging by their facial expression, the wrinkled foreheads and faces clouded with anger, it sure wasn't pretty. </p><p>It didn't take long for the both of them to notice Hange and you arriving at the scene and immediately they relocated their attention from the relieved cadet and rather to you. Instinctively, as they firmly closed the distance between you, you mimicked Sasha's forceful salute, your fingers trembling, all of your fatigue and scorching feelings of pure affection drowned out by anxiety and worry. It turned out, that the young soldier had missed the beginning of her late night training, she had been supposed to attend, which had caused Commander Sadis to go look for her. Since he hadn't been able to find her, he had been forced to inform Erwin about the missing cadet, probably assuming the worst and they had dispatched a search party, grinding all other training activities to a complete halt. As they had finally managed to detect them, on top of the wall, their maneuvering gear nowhere to be seen and freezing in the chilly evening breeze, they had send for the head of the Survey Corps right away, who joined them to pick her up personally.</p><p>You couldn't help but feel downright awful. It hadn't been your idea to take Sasha's gear, since she had offered it to you, but you hadn't rejected it either; despite your knowledge of her late night training. Yet your guilt and the drive for taking responsibility for your actions as well as deep affection for her, prevented you from telling the truth and determined you took the hit for her instead. You watched your friend's eyes widen as she heard and witnessed you lie through your teeth to your Commander, about you ordering the cadet to hand over her gear, to venture one some one-man scouting mission. Quite believable you told them this very rashly pierced together story, about a Titan you wanted to chase and possibly study, since it had been an Abnormal far from any other you had seen before. And after you had spotted it again earlier this evening, you didn't want to let it escape again. But considering you didn't have your own gear with you, you had no other choice but to take Sasha's.</p><p>Needless to say, Erwin and Keith weren't impressed. They were downright furious - especially since you had been forced to admit that your fictional plan, on top of it, had failed. With a quivering lip, but a firm stance, you let the second harsh lecture of this day hit you repeatedly in the gut, to an extent you were close to bending and breaking beneath their shouted quotations of deep disappointment. You noticed Hange interrupting your superiors more than once, desperate to calm them down and shift some of the blame, you had completely shouldered yourself, on themself. But since you had described quite credible, how the Section Commander had been required to trail you, as they had noticed what you were up to, to drag you back to the walls personally, they didn't pay their words any mind, brushed them off as a weak attempt to shield their assistant. You sensed their piercing and worried gaze right inbetween your shoulder blades, like a hot knife slicing through the soft skin, but you silently urged yourself to not give in, to not assure them that everything was fine, that you were able to handle it, as this would have blown your cover.</p><p>You knew it was the right thing to do. You could have ratted Sasha out; her offering you her gear, to assist you with your personal troubles and even waiting patiently for your return, endangering her position as one of the most promising cadets by simply not showing up to training.<br/>You could have ratted Hange out; them venturing beyond the walls, smuggling a not approved Titan trap, build in secret with Survey Corps' funds right underneath the Commander's nose, only to foolishly catch a Titan to impress the woman they crushed on like a lovestruck fool. <br/>The consequences would have been devastating for the both of them. Yet all of the red strings connected back to your fingertips, marking you as the guilty party. None of this would have happened in the first place if not for your intervention. Cowering before your superiors now would have transformed you into a spineless coward.<br/>So taking the verbal punches leaving the two men's mouth, having their saliva spray all over your own sweaty face, made you feel ashamed and miserable, but also left a faint trace of pride tingling in the back of your mind. That you had managed to take the leap to protect the two people so close to you.</p><p>You gritted your teeth in quiet endurance. Listened to Keith and Erwin voicing their deep disappointment and fury, even rambling about your early promotion possibly being a mistake, that it had gone to your head, that the responsibility now resting on your shoulders was too much for you to handle. Meanwhile your cramped and trembling fingers curled to something only faintly resembling a fist on top of your heart, dug through the fabric of your uniform and into your skin, leaving you with a burning strain. </p><p>After what felt like hours it was finally over. The voices died down, the quite audible drawn breathes transformed into sighs and Erwin's tense muscles relaxed. By now your eyes were swimming in tears and you forced yourself to keep that choked gasp, close to escaping you, down your throat by steadily swallowing spit and sucking the insides of your cheeks in between your teeth.<br/>Your confidence wavered, as they decided on your punishment right on the spot, not only for disrupting Sasha's training and allegedly stealing from them, but also for neglecting your duties during this morning's drill, venturing beyond the walls alone, putting the Section Commander in danger and on top of that, losing a horse - something both Hange and you had completely forgotten about.<br/>Hearing all these allegations piling up dangerously high, you were nearly surprised when they informed you, that you were able to keep your rank as Captain for now, but it was going to be discussed among your superiors in the following days, if you were really fit for the job, as Erwin himself considered a demotion. Additionally you were dismissed from all your other duties for the next week, until they had arrived at a decision and sentenced to kitchen duty from tomorrow on. </p><p>Frustrated your heart sank as the realization about what you had just dragged yourself into started to manifest. You had fought hard for your rank as Captain, for this promotion and had been over the moon by the time the Commander had finally decided to give you a chance. It granted you the possibility to plan and execute missions outside the of the walls as Hange's assistant yourself, without having to take another one of your superiors with you to observe the entire operation. It granted you a certain freedom, independence, but also challenging responsibility you wouldn't want to miss anymore. The fear of losing what you had worked for continuously for years and the fear of losing your extended quality time with Hange, as well as the crippling anxiety of becoming useless to them in return, was enough for your mind to snap. With the tears dribbling down your cheeks, you silently obeyed Erwin's last firm order and unbuckled the belts holding Sasha's gear in place. The fans and gas emitters in the small of your back went first and met the ground with a bright thud. The massive blade sheaths followed and as your jittery fingers failed to unclasp the operation devices, Hange couldn't bare to stand idle any longer. Swiftly and experienced they loosened the remaining belts, freed the last pieces of the complex machinery and placed it harshly into the palm of Erwin's outstretched hand. </p><p>It felt like not only a physical, but also a mental weight had been lifted off your chest. Choking on your tears, you finally breathed freely, as Hange's palm lingered on your arm for a second too long to calm you down, still quite insecure about displaying this affection still new for the both of you that publicly. Though you already appreciated their silent camaraderie, their simple presence, the emitting warmth of their body right behind you.</p><p>Everything after you had handed over the borrowed gear was a blur. You spotted through your veil of tears obstructing your vision, how Sasha turned her head, as Erwin and Keith escorted her personally and formed the words "Thank you" with her mouth. Silently you nodded, observed how the relief washed over her features, until the three of them were out of sight.</p><p>While you waited for the elevator to reach it's destination at the bottom of the wall and return to fetch Hange and you, the both of you didn't exchange a word - your hitched sobs the only sound disrupting the silence. An arm snaked around your shoulder again to pull you closer and like a dam had broken, you couldn't help but weep bitterly into the insides of your Section Commander's uniform jacket, soaking their shirt, while they hummed comfortingly. Their rough fingers gently trailed up and down your spine. The anxiety and utter devastation had your heart in an icy grip and caused your whole body to shiver and tremble. And while you didn't regret defending your best friend and your partner, while you didn't regret any of the things you had done, you couldn't help but yearn for a different outcome. </p><p>Later you weren't able to tell how you had gotten back to your room, since your memory was clouded, but you assumed that Hange must have escorted you. Your mental blackout escaped you the moment you watched the door to your quarters fall shut from the inside, exposing you to this utter silence and solitude. It was pitch black around you, only the ascending moon, which had just replaced it's counterpart, was sending faint rays of light through your barred windows, snaking over the wooden floor and licking your boots covered in mud. Your tears had dried up, leaving you with sore and puffy eyes and you wiped the itching trails of water off your cheeks. </p><p>Your body arched for your partner's warmth, their soothing voice and breath tingling on your skin. Their messy thatch framing their scruffy face and that apologetic smirk resting on their lips. </p><p>You wished they had stayed. </p><p>After what felt like forever you finally managed to get a hold of yourself. There was no use to continue crying over spilled milk. Defeated you took a deep shaky breath and cleared your throat, before you let your hands roam around in the dark and ultimately pull open the drawer you were looking for, to take out a box of matches and light all the candles inside of the dusty lanterns decorating your room. The atmosphere you unwillingly created was rather ominous. Bitterly you dumped the box back into the drawer and started to undress. The dirty boots went first, spraying a sea of dirt over the floor boards, followed by the countless straps of your maneuvering gear, intended to utilize the full strength of your upper body - which was completely gone by now. One leather strap after another hit the floor, the metal buckles clinging softly on impact. Removing the gear was much easier than putting it on, yet still time consuming and considering your strained muscles whining in pain, you were sure you'd have trouble the next morning. </p><p>But just after you had traversed your room, to chase after every last piece of gear so carelessly discarded, to store them in a neat little pile on top of your chair it hit you, drained all the air out of your lungs; You were not supposed to put them on either tomorrow, nor for the whole next week. Your heart skipped a beat and irritated you lunged forward, to topple your weak attempt of tidiness back on the floor, where it turned into a disorganized hump. With an odd sense of satisfaction you ground your teeth while inspecting the mess and ultimately proceeded to snatch one of the lanterns to withdraw into the bathroom directly connected to your room. With your promotion you had just managed to trade your spot in one of the flimsy bunk beds in the cramped ladies dorm rooms for this private space, close to the quarters of soldiers like Petra and Eld. And now this persistent and nagging fear to lose all of those new earned privileges again in a matter of months clung to your chest like a parasite while you undressed. Your uniform jacket and especially your bright purple shirt stuck persistently with the help of dried sweat and blood to your back and you wrinkled your nose as you peeled them off. Before you had met up with Sasha you had made sure to at least give yourself a cat lick, but since time had been scarce you hadn't been exactly thorough and it showed. You were lucky you were so mindful to always have a clean spare uniform in your dresser, otherwise the stench following you into the canteen tomorrow would have been unbearable. </p><p>Yet you couldn't help but notice the faint scent of your partner still clinging to it, though sadly being overshadowed by all that unpleasant smells. </p><p>Soon your underwear joined the rest of your dirty clothes on the pile and you let your now naked body rest on a small stool, which elicited your lungs a pleased sigh, as your legs were relieved from your body's weight. You picked up the wooden bucket standing right underneath a lonely dripping faucet poking out of a bald wall, and emptied the stale, cold water filling it up nearly halfway. It splashed up your toned shanks and ultimately swirled down a mostly covered drain embedded in the floor between your feet. Quickly you unscrewed the tap and lukewarm water refilled the bucket instead. Being able to wash yourself with actual hot water was a rarity, so you were grateful about the small amount of heat you had managed to coax out of the pipes tonight, while letting it run over your fingertips. To not risk to waste any of it you screwed it as soon as the container was full and didn't hesitate to dash your bruised and filthy skin with it. </p><p>Your throat escaped a satisfied moan, as the warmth embraced you and you attempted to catch this feeling in your palms and retain it as long and as close to your heart as possible, but as soon as the last drops of water dribbled on your forehead and ran over your cheeks, the rush was gone. With a bitter grin on your lips your hand reached out to snatch the soap from the sink and furiously started to scrub the dirt of your body.</p><p>From the corner of your eye you could spot your own miserable, slumped over form in the smudged and cracked mirror, but you didn't dare to take a closer look like you usually did. Instead you mindfully let the bar of soap run over your bruised forearms, covered in red streams from your accident with the maneuvering gear. Over your arching biceps and firm shoulder muscles, build from years of fighting. Over the distant claw mark on the swell of your left breast. And over your fingers, trembling and stained with blood, sucking the air through your teeth as it collided with the open wound on the back of your hand caused by the screw driver. Quietly you cursed yourself as the pain splashed in waves up your arm, trailing the path of the soap pressed onto your skin. You were convinced it was going to leave a scar, joining the countless others on your upper body and hips, lasting reminders of either accidents with the maneuvering gear, the harsh training or Titan attacks. </p><p>As your fingers reached the part of your skin on your thighs where the belts of your gear had left their marks in your soft flesh, a faint thought dazzled in the back of your mind; the shameful urge to touch yourself, to relieve you of the frustrations the day had burdened you with and to satisfy the desire that had been filling you up for hours. For a split second your fingers ghosted over your wet folds, dripping with water, your breath hitched in your throat and a blush crept up your cheeks. Just a quick and dazzling self-stimulation was all that you wanted, all that craved right in this moment. Yet the memory of Erwin's words, his stern face right in front of yours, with that disappointment flickering in his eyes, jammed every kind of emerging reverie, choked off any possible pleasurable experience. Your fluttering heart immediately returned from it's brief exciting high and your thoughts cleared up, fingers cramping. This morning you would have been grateful for an opportunity like this, but now your mind was too far gone, these new worries too desperate and too present to indulge in any of those fantasies - even if Hange was involved in them. </p><p>Frustrated you gritted your teeth and wet strands of hair catapulted water onto your forehead and into your eyes, as you instead reached out to unscrew the faucet one more time, to refill the bucket and to wash the soap off your body, taking special care to plainly scrub the dried juices of your slit. Usually you took a lot of time to bath and clean yourself, making full use of ever opportunity presenting itself, in great contrary to your partner. Unfortunately you didn't always have this luxury of time or the water spilled as cold as ice out of the faucet, rendering it impossible to even give yourself a quick cat lick. Sometimes you didn't get to bath for a whole week. </p><p>Today it was different. The conditions were just about perfect, yet you weren't able to focus - all you could think about was your imminent demotion and forced kitchen duty. It even almost overshadowed the bright joy and warm affection bubbling deep in your chest, whenever your mind just as much as brushed this bundle of thoughts exclusively belonging to Hange. You struggled to comprehend that they had accepted and even returned your feelings and as you dried your now shivering body with a towel, you couldn't help but let a small smile loosen your pursed lips. Remembered their tender fingers on your skin, their firm hands on your hips, that bright and passionate spark in their eyes and that relived and loving expression decorating their features. </p><p>No matter what would have happened after your partner's confession, even if Erwin had demoted you right on the spot, you were able to tell with strong conviction you wouldn't have turned back time, even if you had the chance.</p><p>Just as you had dressed yourself in clean clothes, which immediately increased your mood and pulled a fresh gray sweatshirt over your head, you flinched as a firm tap on your door shattered the silence. You were frozen on the spot and for a second you feared the worst, but quickly recollected yourself as another knock sounded, this time accompanied by a familiar voice calling your name. </p><p>
  <em>Hange.</em>
</p><p>Carelessly you grabbed your towel, pushed your discarded clothes out of the way and left the bathroom. Mindfully stepped over your dirty forgotten boots on your way to the door and nearly managed to entangle your feet with the disorganized piled of maneuvering gear, until your fingers finally reached out for the doorknob. You still had no recollection about what had happened in the time frame between Erwin's lecture and now, but suddenly you felt like an utter fool for even considering your partner had just abandoned you after what had transpired. While still drying your hair with the towel you opened the door and the sight of a concerned Hange greeted you. Their fingers were clasped around a steaming white tea cup, it's contains driving their intense smell of peppermint right up your nose and a strand of hair stained with now dried blood fell into their eyes, as they crooked their head at your unusual sight and let a mellow smile take over their lips. The warm light of the candles reflected in their stained goggles.</p><p>"I'm back", they chimed and your throat escaped a sigh, as their soothing voice encapsulated you, "I brought you your tea." Before you could comment, that you didn't remember asking for tea, you were forced to make room instead, as they practically invited themselves in. They squeezed their sleek body through the space between you and the door frame, navigated without a comment around the mess that were the discarded pieces of your filthy uniform on the floor to confidently find their destination on your unmade bed, settling the cup on your bedside table and their behind on the mattress, bouncing ever so slightly. <br/>"Sure, come on in", you sarcastically answered the question they never asked as you let the door fall shut, yet couldn't bring yourself to feel even a tiny bit of indignation over their boldness. You noticed them shift their weight onto their palms, resting behind them on the covers and observed you fling the wet towel around your neck, their amber orbs curiously trailing your hand's movement, as you raked your fingers through your damp hair.</p><p>"Sorry, I tried to snatch some food too", Hange apologized hastily, like they had been caught in the act, had noticed your interrogative gaze following their quite obvious stares, ultimately lingering a bit too long on their face, "But they tightened security after Sasha and Conny got their hands on that roast last month." <br/>An amused grin tugged at your mouth, as you remembered your friends' escapade that would have gotten them both into quite a bit of trouble if they had been caught. You appreciated the way your partner was trying their utmost to cheer you up. You could tell they hadn't even rested for a minute, since allegedly escorting you back to your room, considering they had neither changed out of their uniform, nor attempted to even wash themselves - not that this particular detail would have surprised you either way. Only the weapons and the cape had been discarded, leaving them with unbuckled and loose straps, not sitting where they were supposed to anymore. </p><p>"Thank you", you uttered under your breath, barely audible, felt the tears burning in your eyes again and bit your quivering lip - but this time not due to stress or anxiety, but pure gratitude. What had you done to deserve this bright and gentle person caring for you that deeply?<br/>Hange's features softened and they invitingly patted the free spot on the mattress right beside them.<br/>"Come here, sit down."<br/>Obediently you closed the distance to your partner and let yourself fall onto the soft bedding, taking a deep breath as that calming warmth emitting from their body encapsulated you again. Even after everything that had happened, you felt weirdly at peace knowing they were with you again. <br/>For a breathless second silence occupied the space between you, your shoulders brushing. <br/>"That hit you pretty hard, didn't it?", Hange finally asked, their fingers reaching out and gently rested on your thigh, the rough inside of their palm and stroking of their thumb nearly setting your skin on fire through the pants. A distant tingle traveled up your body and nestled in your abdomen. <br/>"That grump was unnecessarily harsh, I might add."<br/>"I'm afraid I just lost his trust. Probably blew all of my chances of keeping my rank as Captain", you confessed, nervously focusing your own hands clasped tightly in a bundle on your lap, just centimeters away from Hange's. A breath hitched in your throat as your body refused to put the thoughts throbbing in the back of your mind into words at first - but that wave of anxiety nearly drowning you lastly spilled them for you. <br/>"I'm afraid I'll become useless to you."</p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>A sharp hiss nearly caused your muscles to flinch and Hange's slender fingers moved to rest on either side of your head, gently but firmly forcing you to face them. Surprisingly you were met with a rather irritated expression.<br/>"Don't say that", they pleaded, the tone coloring their voice close to an order, "Don't ever say that you're useless. And especially not to me."<br/>You were taken aback by their harsh reaction, but before you were even able to open your mouth, they cut you off, furrowing their brows in frustration.<br/>"No, listen", they added, "I don't care about your rank. Even if you weren't a Captain anymore, nothing would change between us. Of course it wouldn't. All I care about is that you stay with me. As my assistant, as my dear and precious friend."<br/>You noticed that hitch in their voice as the word 'friend' spilled over their lips, like they weren't quite certain if this still was the accurate way to address you. <br/>"Besides, if there is anyone to blame for any of this, it's me. It's my fault. You shouldn't have been punished instead of me."<br/>A flicker of guilt clouded their expression and for a moment they had to tear their amber eyes away from yours to hide it, while running both of their thumbs over your cheeks, in anticipation to catch the tears that didn't fall. You successfully stopped them from overflowing as you again bit down on the insides of your mouth. Their moving words oozed down your body, your throat, like hot honey and send goosebumps traveling over your skin. Never before had anyone made you feel this wanted, expressed their affection for you in such a loving way. </p><p>It was nearly too much for your heart to handle.</p><p>"Hange, it's fine", you assured them, voice breaking, "The consequences would have been much more severe for you and Sasha. I'm glad I got to protect you, I just ..."<br/>You took a deep trembling breath.<br/>"I still wish it would have turned out differently."<br/>The Section Commander's eyes located yours again, now glowing with compassion. Appreciation. <br/>"Yeah, me too."<br/>Surprised you held your breath, as your partner leaned down to you, your face still in between their hands, slowly closing the distance between you. Your heart skipped a beat, as it stumbled over your obtrusive feelings of love and affection and you spotted your own widened eyes and baffled expression reflected in their goggles. Sweetly their soft lips connected with your forehead, lingering, spending you warmth and comfort, followed by your eyelids fluttering shut, as your whole body calmed down. Right in this moment you felt safe and secure in their arms, like time had ground to a halt to grant you room to breath and collect your thoughts. You reveled in the gentle attention directed at you. Soaked up these featherlight touches and mute yet strong emotions coloring them, spawning from deep within their heart. They seemed to struggle to unshackle them with the help of a distinct choice of words, so rather decided to utilize tender displays of affection instead.</p><p>And this way they reached you loud and clear.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Updated a little before friday. A bit of a slower chapter this time. It was actually pretty hard to find any kind of information about stuff like bathrooms and electricity in this universe. Ultimately decided on the bucket method, not sure if they the people not living in the interior actually had something like proper showers.<br/>Not sure why, but this whole chapter really consumed all of my brainpower. I barely managed to get any sleep last week and I had to split it in two again, because I couldn't finish Hange's part on time. Will be delivered next week.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Caring | Hange</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Fluff without plot, anyone? Also bonus points for whoever spots the Mass Effect Liara Romance references.</p><p>UPDATE 03.03.2021</p><p>I realized I may have caused unintentionally a little bit of ruckus in the tag. I didn't mean to insult or blindly accuse anyone and I realize my comment may have been a little bit hasty. I again apologize to Momkasa and thank her as well, for handling my stupid ass that professionally.<br/>You should really check out her cute HangexReader FF "The crazy scientist"!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Go drink your tea."</p><p>Your eyes fluttered open, still half-lidded. You were greeted with Hange's gentle gaze, their thumbs caressing your flushed skin one last time before ultimately pulling away. Instead they reached out and grabbed the still steaming cup of tea from the bedside table, their fingers cautiously only touching the elegant handle and the bottom, to not burn themselves. <br/>"You'll feel better, trust me", they smiled as you took the beverage out of their hands gratefully, hissing at the spiking heat immediately bruising your sensitive fingertips, "It's been made with all my love for you." <br/>An embarrassed snort emerged from your throat at their statement, as you warily brushed the rim of the cup with your lips and you could sense your cheeks easily match the heat of the pot in your hands. You briefly caught a glance at your partner's features, only to witness them lit up with pride and affection, spotted this excited sparkle, the passion swirling in their amber eyes and right in this moment you couldn't help but envy them.  For their ability to make you laugh and to lighten the mood, whenever they noticed you struggling. For their ability to always stay positive and optimistic and dragging everyone else around along with them. </p><p>"All I can take from this is, that your love is quite hot", you joked, not sure how to otherwise handle the weight of the emotions clinging to their words, which earned you an amused snickering and your suddenly quite sheepish partner scratching the back of their neck, as the realization, what they just proclaimed out loud, filled their head and burned their cheeks. Hastily they relocated their attention to the flickering flame in the lantern on your bedside table, avoiding you.</p><p>
  <em>Love. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>These four letters suddenly pulsated in the back of your mind.</em>
</p><p>"Thank you. For everything", you added in a much quieter voice, before filling the inside of your mouth with tea, nearly burning your gums in the process, to prevent you from spilling too much yourself. Too many words painted with too much meaning. Today your mind had been all over the place. You had experienced a vast variety of emotions, constantly circling in your head like they were performing a complicated attack maneuver, leaving you not only physical but also mentally exhausted. <br/>Admiration, desire, embarrassment, anger, anxiety, sadness. But above all glowed the deep affection and love for your partner, dazzlingly brilliant, with still massive room to grow. The urge to make them aware of this fuzzy flame in your heart, putting it on display, to let them know how much you appreciated them in return, after the way they had cared about you, rose and filled you up, yet was quickly beat down by a frustratingly persistent fatigue and exhaustion. </p><p>"Don't mention it", Hange assured you and pushed themselves back on their feet, "Man, I'm pooped. Time to hit the sack." <br/>You couldn't prevent your eyes from staring and taking in their whole attractive and fit form in silent awe, as they linked their arms behind their head to stretch the cramped muscles which coaxed a satisfied mewl out of their throat. Hastily, to not be caught in the act, you swallowed down the gulp of hot tea, but were punished for your small sin, as you ultimately choked on the liquid threatening to spill down your windpipe.<br/>"W-wait, you're leaving?", you coughed, and beat on your chest to help your body relocate the drink and the tears filled your eyes as a result. You didn't mean to ask them this question. It came across as desperate and clingy, almost pathetic, but this part of you still stunned by your partner's confession from earlier cried for them to stay. To prove their words true to you. To simply hold you and to use their soothing voice to help you drift off to sleep. </p><p>The Section Commander however seemed to be completely oblivious to your desires.</p><p>"Yeah, sorry", they answered and flashed you an apologetic smile, clasping their hands together in front of their face, "You should get some rest, too, before you have to feed all those hungry mouths in the morning. I'll catch you tomorrow, alright?" <br/>Almost robotic you nodded, yet your chest suddenly felt too tight. Your body was already yearning and aching for your partner before they were even out of reach, out of sight, before their scent would ultimately be overshadowed by your own. This feeling was new, yet so tenacious, you didn't manage to get rid of it. You had never missed them this badly before, even after all these late evening you had been forced to part, at the end of your daily sessions of filling out reports and poring over books. <br/>But this time you were sure you wouldn't be able to sleep soundly, if you hadn't at least raised that question pounding in the back of your mind, if you hadn't at least attempted to make them stay. </p><p>Yet you still hesitated.</p><p>Nervously you clenched your fingers more tightly around your teacup, ignoring the heat nearly igniting your palms, to prevent yourself from reaching out and capturing the seam of their uniform jacket, like some sort of clingy girlfriend. <br/>What would they think about you? <br/>While holding your breath you observed them traverse the room, navigate around the mess you had made and for a moment, as they passed the window, the moonlight lit their prominent features, reflected in the glasses of their goggles and allowed you to take a glimpse at that melancholic smile resting on their lips. Just as their fingers got a hold on the doorknob, you finally managed to leap over your insecurities and raised your voice. <br/>"Wait!", you blurted out and immediately Hange turned their head to shoot you a curious glance over their shoulder. <br/>For a moment the oppressive silence lingered between you. <br/>"Would you stay with me tonight?", you muttered under your breath, uncertain about if they that even heard you, your muscles tensing and before the words had even completely rolled off your tongue, you already sensed the heat crawling it's way up your neck. Your intentions weren't sexual, yet you couldn't shake off the feeling, that you had just requested something unspeakable.</p><p>"Please?"</p><p>"Look at you, asking so nicely", Hange snickered and turned on their heels quite energetically. That melancholic smile from earlier had transformed into an amused smirk, yet you managed to discover that loving spark in their amber orbs, <br/>"I could check my schedule for you, if you like."<br/>Immediately the tense bubble burst and you couldn't help but snort with laughter, as soon as you witnessed them take a non-existent notebook out of the front pocket of their uniform and skim through it's invisible pages, their expression morphing into a serious frown. They squinted and pursed their lips. <br/>"This must be your lucky day, because it looks like I have no dates with Titans lined up in the near future."<br/>"You are such a dolt", you chuckled, while at the same time felt the tears burning in the corner of your eyes and the seething hot sensation of gratitude flooding your insides, filling your chest, encapsulating your heart. Everything with them was so easy, so casual. So lighthearted. No matter the situation, they always found a way to make you feel at ease, to make you feel loved and appreciated, without belittling you at the same time. </p><p>
  <em>Love. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>Still pulsating, pounding. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>Is it still a crush or am I falling in love with you?</em>
</p><p>With Hange's hands being casually clasped behind their back they made their way back to you, this stupid grin plastered on their face, which seemed to be slightly flushed as well. <br/>"You know, this would be much more believable if you actually kept track of your own appointments", you reminded them cheekily and crooked your head as you glanced up at them, "Because that's what I usually do."<br/>"Oh, I'm aware, trust me. In fact, I can hear your nagging over me not remembering things even in my sleep now", they teased, theatrically staring into nothingness, like they were recalling a particular painful memory. With the heat now clawing at your cheeks, you puffed yourself up with indignation, but before the cattle managed to boil over, they had already raised both their hands in front of their chest in self defense. <br/>"Relax, relax, I'm joking", they reeled back, quietly cackling and their eyes showing an amused spark, "Enough with the jokes now, I swear!"<br/>Nervously they racked their slender fingers through their messy hair instead. <br/>"Of course I'll stay. In fact ..." The Section Commander cleared their throat and you were surprised to become a witness of one of their rare displays of open vulnerability.<br/>"I was actually hoping you would ask."</p><p>The words formed with that deep and soothing voice of theirs coated your body like honey and send goosebumps traveling over your skin as you shivered in appreciation and excitement. You suddenly felt dizzy and had to grasp onto the tea cup for your dear life, acting like them agreeing to your quiet plea that casually hadn't faced you in any way. </p><p>
  <em>'I was actually hoping you would ask'</em>
</p><p>Their voice echoed in your head, nearly drowned out by your own heart fluttering against your ribcage like a jailed bird and you couldn't tear your eyes away from their lips attempting a weak smile and that loving gaze behind their stained goggles, now colored with a distant flicker of insecurity. <br/>"I uh ...", they continued, again grabbing onto the back of their neck and clawing at the soft skin, "I just don't want to put pressure on you. I'm still your superior and I don't want you to have the impression, I'd want to take advantage of you or anything by maybe going too fast."</p><p>It was the first time you ever heard them voice any of those worries and for a split second you couldn't prevent that guilty, that you put them on the spot like that, from clawing at your insides. They were right; they were your Section Commander, the next in line for the command over the Survey Corps after Erwin. One of the highest ranking Officers and humanities most successful, and probably solely, Titan researcher. Meanwhile you were, in comparison to them, a freshly graduated plain soldier just turned Captain, with barely any distinct battle experience. You had been serving under Hange as their personal assistant for years, had aided them with their research and acquired quite a bit of knowledge yourself in the process, had grown so close to them to call them a precious friend, but now you had overstepped a line. Some could accuse you of only making advances at them as an attempt to sleep your way higher up the ranks, while Hange's initiative might as well be considered fraternization. They had just assured you, that ranks didn't matter to them on a personal level and you shared this opinion, but technically your relationship could actually become something to be frowned upon. It was a problem you hadn't spared any mind until now.</p><p>You couldn't help but feel that this also had been the entire reason behind them not confessing their feelings to you sooner. You remembered how grateful they had been about your confession, that they had waited for so long to hear you speak these words. They hadn't been exactly passive with displaying their affection so far, yet still hadn't dared to cross certain boundaries, especially not with other people around. Their only faint touches in front of Sasha. Them freeing their hand from yours as Erwin and Keith approached you.<br/>All the pieces seemed to be falling into place, the longer you wrapped your head around it. </p><p>"Hange", you sighed, set the teacup back on the bedside table and rose to your feet as well, to be on their eye level. You resisted the urge to reach out to touch them and instead tugged at the towel still wrapped around your neck. <br/>Their amber eyes locked with yours and for the first time today they were hard to read.<br/>"I'm aware of your status since I've met you and I'm also aware, some could accuse you of taking advantage, but I know that's not what this is."<br/>You watched their features turn into a distant grimace at your words, teeth gritting. Usually Hange wasn't someone to be fazed by the opinions of others, probably due to their already unique personality linked to that ridiculously loud voice, so their concerns could only circle around you. Other people's hushed whispers, they knew you tended to be affected by easily sometimes, spreading rumors, fabricating their own reasons why you were suddenly this close to your Section Commander.</p><p>And your opinion of them, as your partner. Solely yours.</p><p>"I know you're not like that."<br/>Your voice was firm, it was crucial that they heard you loud and clear. "This is still new for me, for both of us, so I really appreciate your concern. But I don't want to hide this. Our ... relationship. We'll handle whatever comes our way, like we always do. And Hange."<br/>Amber eyes locked with yours and breathless silence polluted the air. </p><p>"You don't need to hold back. I want this. Really."</p><p>You couldn't help but feel some sort of embarrassment about your own words, your own second, even more intimate, nearly suggestive, confession of this day. <br/>The way you had offered your heart, body and soul to them. <br/>The way you had probably just unleashed the full force that was Hange Zoë by freeing them of their last mental restraint. <br/>However as you first and foremost noticed the wave of relief washing over your partner's features, draining if of every worry and insecurity and replacing it with pure gratitude and love instead, causing your own heart to ache, your initial flicker of discomfort smouldered to ash. </p><p>
  <em>Love. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>Pulsating, Beating, Drumming, Fluttering. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>I'm falling. I'm falling. </em>
</p><p>Hastily you cleared your throat, your hands still fidgeting with the towel around your neck, yanking at the fabric until you barely choked yourself with it.<br/>"Besides, I have fond memories of the last time you put pressure on me."<br/>Immediately Hange's face lit up, a faint glimmer of red covering their cheeks and their throat escaped a sheepish snicker, as they realized what you were referring to. The memory of their tense and desperate form was still very vivid, that piercing gaze pinning you down and you recalled their bold question, in demand of an answer, falling from their lips. <br/><em>'Why are you looking at him and not me?'</em><br/>"So do I", they agreed, their voice a lot more lighthearted again as they adjusted their goggles almost absentmindedly, the reflection of the dozen candles decorating and brightening up the room danced on the spotted glasses and obstructed your smudged view of their orbs for a little while.</p><p>"Thanks, love."<br/>"Don't mention it."</p><p>The weight, which had hampered your breathing for the last few minutes, got lifted off your chest and you couldn't help but feel a small and weird sense of pride, that it wasn't solely them supporting you all the time, but that you got to assist them with their emotional struggles as well for a change. You weren't very experienced with relationships, but you were sure that with Hange at your side, you would manage just fine.<br/>"So, how about we finally try to get some rest", your partner changed the subject, reeling back to their carefree self just as effortlessly as they had before and their eyes snapped to the mattress behind you for a second, tilting their head ever so slightly, leaning forward, "I can't wait to- "<br/>"Oh no, not happening", you interrupted them almost immediately, stretching your vocal warning as long as your breath allowed it. Finally you dared to reach out and placed your hands firmly on their ribs, before gazing up at your Commander. You were met with a quite curious and indignant expression. <br/>"You're not thinking about sleeping in those, are you?", you wanted to know and raised your brows in anticipation of their answer, even though a part of was already able to construct their reply almost letter for letter, before they had even voiced it.<br/>"Well, yeah", Hange huffed and tugged at the hem of their uniform jacket, "Why waste time to change, when I have to put the uniform on again tomorrow anyways."<br/>"You can't be serious!", you groaned and gently shoved them backwards, the dried dirt sprayed over the floor scrunching underneath your feet, your hands lingering on their abdomen, bringing more and more safe distance between your stiff with dirt partner and your almost clean bedsheets. </p><p>You were fully aware of Hange's disastrous way of handling their personal hygiene. Some would consider them filthy and unhygienic or too lazy to clean themselves, while in reality their always busy mind was at fault. Jumping from one task, to the next invention, to the briefing for another scouting mission and back to their never ending Titan research. And in between all of these chores, their own humanly needs fell through the cracks. They simply neglected meals, basic hygiene or sleep - because it simply didn't fit their schedule. You, as their assistant, had taken on the tireless task of gently nudging and reminding them to stay hydrated, to eat and bath and free up the space in their mind by simply keeping track of their next appointments for them. But even if you noticed them taking breaks and downtime more and more serious as of late, they still had a long way to go. </p><p>"Come on, don't be like that!", they whined, longingly ogling the bed now entirely out of their reach, as you lastly pushed their back up against the door to your bathroom. They could have easily wiggled out of your grasp if they had really wanted it, could have overpowered you quite effortlessly, yet they had allowed you to blindly maneuver them around the obstacles on the floor and across the room, to pin them to the piece of wood still separating them and the bath. <br/>It was an unusual and yet very welcome sight; Hange's lean body pinned down by your palms, their firm muscles right beneath your fingertips and their half lidded eyes turning their attention back to you, briefly checking you out, a tongue flicking over their lips. A breath hitched in your throat and a sharp pull at your core nearly caused you to whimper. Your little speech from earlier echoed in your ears, fighting for dominance with the deafening beating of your own heart, suddenly forcing you to remember your straight forward words, drenched with an almost sexual overtone; Don't hold back. </p><p>Your pure intentions were discarded for a split second, as you managed to put the memory of Erwin's stern face, the persistent loud pounding of his barks in the back of your head, behind you and boldly got a hold onto your partner's hips. They gasped in surprise, yet lips quickly morphed into a challenging smirk and now it was your turn to snicker. <br/>A tingling blush accompanied by a dumb grin matching theirs settled on your face, as you held their mesmerizing gaze and managed to spot that strong flicker of desire within their amber orbs. <br/>For a breathless moment the two of you only stared at each other. <br/>Eventually it was you who found her voice again first. "If you want to stay in my bed", you demanded, almost purring, with hands traveling upwards and tugging at their uniform. You noticed with a weird sense of accomplishment how a low hum of approval of your actions vibrated in their throat.</p><p>"Then you have to loose the rags."</p><p>The tense bubble burst.</p><p>"Oh, excuse me!", Hange complained out loud, their face still faintly flushed and snatched your wrists to free themselves and their clothes from your grasp, "Now that's just unnecessarily rude. My uniform is perfectly fine."<br/>Briefly your eyes scanned the fabric, gaze lingering at every prominent smear, splatter and stain, the majority of unknown origin, before circling back to their orbs, like trying to prove a point and squinted doubtfully.<br/>"Hange, don't be ridiculous", you scolded them stoic, while in reality being quite amused about the reaction you had been able to coax out of them and snaked your arms out of their gentle hold, to slip your fingers between theirs instead, squeezing their palms now connected with yours, "Since when are you that eager to go to bed anyways?"<br/>Yet as expected your brief experience with having the upper hand in one of your exchanges didn't last.<br/>"Since it's not only to sleep, but to spend more quality with my favorite assistant", they blurted out with a straight face and the heat crawled up your neck to take over your features quicker than you brain was able to even process their words, rendering you speechless. You had never imagined Hange being much of a sweet talker, but rather a pretty blunt person, but only today they had already proven you wrong numerous times. </p><p>Even though you considered your efforts to win any kind of argument against them futile, you refused to admit defeat this time. </p><p>"How about this then?", you croaked and were forced to clear your throat, "You take a bath and I'll lend you some of my clothes, so I can spare you from going all the way back to your room to fetch new ones to change. Efficient, economic and not wasting any precious quality time."<br/>You could literally observe the gears in Hange's brain operating, while they were wrapping their brain around your generous proposal, absentmindedly tapping the back of your hand in theirs with two fingers, like they usually would their chin or rim of their goggles. <br/>"I think that sounds fair", they ultimately decided and you deflated your lungs of the air they had stored for too long in relief, as you had been holding your breath. <br/>A small step for humanity, a big step for the Titan researcher.<br/>Swiftly you freed your hands out of their grasp, before they could change their mind, earning you a huff of disapproval.<br/>"Wonderful", you chimed and for a brief moment, just as a weak sneer appeared to be tugging at the corner of their lips, you weren't able to shake off the feeling they had put on a bit of a fight on purpose, enjoying your verbal playful banter as much as you did. <br/>You reached out and brushed their cheeks, gripping onto the elastics holding their goggles in place and slipped them onto their forehead, detangling them from their thatch and lastly successfully removed them completely, enjoying the clear and unobstructed view of their attractive amber orbs observing you, brimming with affection.<br/>"Off you go, I'll be right here."</p><hr/><p>After the Section Commander had closed the bathroom door behind them, leaving you to listen in on the rustling of clothes, as they peeled the fabric off their body, and clinging of buckles, announcing the harness hitting the floor, accompanied by their consistent muffled muttering to themselves, you couldn't prevent a bright smile from taking over your lips. It wasn't the first time you had nudged the Titan researcher to take a bath, yet the tension lingering in between you this time had felt so much different. The spoken words similar, yet colored with a completely different meaning. During the short time after your confession so much had already changed, like someone had flipped a switch, especially the way you perceived their affectionate gazes, the interpretation of their regular seemingly careless touches. It was new and different and yet felt so familiar.</p><p>
  <em>Love. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>Filling, Arching, Warming. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>I'm falling deeper.</em>
</p><p>As you traversed the room to collect your own gear obstructing your movements for a second time this night, you were pleased to actually hear the water running in the bathroom, splashing in the wooden bucket. It was just about time they took a breather to relax and actually take care of themselves. It probably had been just as long for them than it had been for you, if not longer, since they had taken a bath last. <br/>Suddenly you jolted in surprise and nearly dropped all the leather belts dangling from your arms, as a splash immediately followed by a shrieked "Cold!" and a bunch of inaudible swears assailed your ears. <br/>"You alright in there?", you snorted and dumped your collection onto your desk covered with neatly written documents and folded newspapers, desperately trying to calm your jittery heart. <br/>"Why is it always so cold?!", their muffled whining sounded from the other side. For a moment you toyed with the idea of teasing them about the lukewarm water you had been able to enjoy earlier, but ultimately decided against it.<br/>"Pick up the pace and you can get underneath the warm blanket."<br/>"What?!"<br/>"Just hurry up!", you laughed and pulled the door to your wardrobe open, rummaging around for clothes your partner would be able to fit in. Since they were a tad taller than you, a lot of your already limited options could turn out to be too short for them. You eventually decided on simple gray pants, baggy and misshapen, and one of your favorite dark blue shirts, displaying a unique pattern of darker and brighter squares, the colors already faded from it's countless dives in the wash. One of the buttons at the top had come lose. As you brushed over the fabric, the imagination of Hange wearing it buried itself in your brain and a blush crept up your cheeks. If anyone besides you saw them with it, they would know something was going on between you. The thought was somewhat exhilarating. </p><p>Considerate you folded the clothes and set them on top of your chair, where Hange would be able to quickly grab and slip them on, as soon as they were done - which shouldn't be too long, since a second familiar splash just sounded from within the bath, swiftly followed by a disapproving hiss and annoyed groan. Your partner would without a doubt rush their cat lick with the water seemingly being this freezing cold - if they were not being overly dramatic. But you were sure they would thank you for your tenacity later, as soon as they would be able to snake their clean body beneath the sheets and revel in the cushy sensation. <br/>With your stomach turning in anticipation of the door opening again, your tense body rested on top of the covers, reaching for your half empty cup, with only lukewarm tea sitting at the bottom now, to empty it. And just as you had guessed, soon after your ears picked up the sound of the wooden stool scraping over the floor and naked feet toddling, fabric rustling for way too long and the knob turned; causing a breath to hitch in your throat simultaneously.</p><p>The sight that greeted you was almost too much for your helplessly fluttering heart to handle. In the door frame shivered a nearly naked Hange, merely dressed in their simple black underwear, the soaked auburn hair framing their flushed face, water dripping on their broad shoulders and running down their muscular back, over their impressive as much as concerning collection of countless healed scars decorating the soft skin. <br/>A sudden adrenalin rush send goosebumps traveling over your skin and you had to gulp down the spit, that had pooled in your mouth, to prevent yourself from drooling - only to notice the wetness relocating right in between your legs. Embarrassed and taken aback by the impact their exposed lean body had on you, you squeezed your knees together. </p><p>A weak flicker in your mind brought back glimpses of your past reveries, how their strong and rough hands got a tight grip on your thighs, how their muscles tensed as they gently, but firmly, parted your legs, to press their lips on the soft skin on the inside now revealed to them. </p><p>You couldn't help but release a quiet whimper, head spinning.</p><p>"That was a shitty deal", Hange pouted, teeth chattering and you jolted, as you were being pulled back to reality. You could call yourself lucky, they were most likely unaware of you staring, since they weren't wearing their glasses. They hated to admit it, but they were almost as blind as a mule without them.<br/>You couldn't help but crack a smile at their statement, while getting back up on your feet and closing the distance between you, snatching the clean clothes from the chair on the way. You noticed how they were wrapping their own arms around their upper body, freezing in the cold evening breeze blowing through the leaking wooden window frame, solely covered by a tight loop of fabric, only faintly resembling the bras you were used to, almost entirely concealing the swell of their breasts.<br/>"Don't mope", you snorted, desperately shoving the inappropriate thoughts far into the back of your mind, yet couldn't help but take a quick glance at their prominent abs, "It was worth it, you'll see."<br/>"Right now, I'm actually not seeing a whole lot", they complained and squinted like they were trying to prove a point, while you offered them the neat stack of clothes, as soon as you were in reach of their hands. Grateful they took them and slipped into the pants and shirt you had chosen for them, mindfully buttoning it, until they reached the top. Curiously they tugged at the part of the fabric where the button was supposed to be.<br/>"You're missing something", they pointed out, brushing over their still exposed collarbone because of it. It fit them surprisingly well, maybe only a bit tighter than it was on you. You had build up some muscles yourself, but not to the same extent as you partner. Seeing them with this almost lazy look was quite an unusual, yet very welcome sight.</p><p>"One more complaint and you're sleeping on the floor", you jokingly warned them and before they could present you this witty remark, you were already reading off of their lips, you snatched the small towel still dangling around your own neck, spread it out and covered your Commander's head with it to shut them up. Almost immediately their throat escaped a sigh instead, resembling an eased mewl, whatever they were about to say fading into nothingness. It was quite a rare sound to draw from them and their quiet purrs just kept coming in staccato, while you rubbed the fabric over their now clean, but still quite messy, hair to dry it. You took special care to gently massage their scalp in the process and the small hairless spot behind their ears, your face so close to their's, that you were able to feel their hot breath tickling your skin and their familiar scent, now mixed with your own, encapsulated you. </p><p>"You have such pretty hair", you uttered under your breath, racking your bare fingers through the damp and silky strands, removing the towel once you were satisfied with the result, "You should really take better care of it."<br/>"If it makes you happy", they mumbled in return, eyelids fluttering at every distant touch, only revealing a sliver of their amber orbs. Your heart was almost bursting with pride, about the way you witnessed the Section Commander relax underneath your fingertips, about the amount of trust they had placed in you to allow themselves to unwind like that in your presence. And a singular thought pounded almost painfully in the back of your mind, as you gently maneuvered them towards the bed with you. </p><p>
  <em>'You make me happy'</em>
</p><hr/><p>It didn't take any more cogency to finally put Hange to rest. The almost forgotten fatigue had quickly caught up with the both of you, as soon as there was nothing left to say, nothing left for your minds to focus on. It felt like gravity had intensified by a tenfold, brutally tugging at all of your limbs at once. <br/>Your partner's usually busy brain also seemingly had completely shut down, their body flopping face down onto the mattress in defeat, arms stretched out like a dying man and groaning in exhaustion. It didn't look like they intended to move another inch any time soon.<br/>"Hey, scoot over", you snorted, as they had basically claimed the whole bed for themselves and without the anticipated resistance they slid their slender form underneath the covers, moving as close to the wall as possible to make enough room for you. Your bed was originally designed for only one person, so this was going to be a tight fit; not that you were complaining about it. If you had known you were going to be in the need of space for two people, you would have requested a bigger one.</p><p>Invitingly Hange lifted one corner of the blanket, offering you the scarce freed up space, their head lazily propped on their elbow, studying you with these amber orbs brimming with affection behind damp strands of hair and a sleepy smirk resting on their lips. If you hadn't been this tired, you probably would have been beyond flustered and a little aroused at the sight, but at this point in time all you were able to muster was a pleased hum, as you dipped on the mattress. Swiftly you closed the distance between both of your bodies, your hands feeling for their waist, snaking around to trail their spine, lastly pulling yourself into their embrace. They let the blanket drop back down as soon as you were settled in, trapping both of you underneath.</p><p>Their affectionate chuckle sounded almost deafening in your ears. Your two bodies, so eager and desperately yearning for more contact, tangled their legs to an extent it was nearly impossible to distinguish which limb belonged to who, thighs and calfs brushing and squeezing. Gently the Commander lowered their head and offered you their now free upper arm as a pillow. Grateful you took the invitation and buried your face in the crook of their neck, able to clearly sense their quickening pulse. Your hands clutched a handful of fabric of their shirt, as you snuggled up and reveled in their calming body heat, their loving attention. Your eyes fluttered shut. Right in this moment the world consisted of only you and them and nothing and no one else. </p><p>
  <em>Love. Love. Love. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>I'm in love with you.</em>
</p><p>These unspoken words lingered tensely in between you, yet no one dared to pick them up.</p><p>"Hange", you purred barely audible against their neck, voice drowsy, while fingers found your scalp and returned the favor by lovingly brushing and massaging it. Their chin touched the top of your head.<br/>"You smell very nice."<br/>"Now you sound like Miche", your partner commented, voice hoarse, "Not who I want to think about right now, thank you." <br/>"Honey, you're ruining the moment."<br/>You felt their chest heave against your own, as they let out an amused as well as apologetic laugh. <br/>"Sorry, sorry. Alright, I'm game; what do I smell like?"<br/>For a silent moment you didn't answer, as you took in their familiar scent again, to be able to describe it to them as fitting as possible.<br/>"Usually it's wood", you mumbled, "Wet wood. Burned wood. Freshly cut wood. Ash."<br/>"That's oddly specific. Not what I was expecting."<br/>"But today it's more like moss", you continued, "The forest after a rain shower. And a sprinkle of lavender."<br/>While talking your hand drew lazy circles on their back, trailing up and down their spin, eyes still closed, fully enjoying the cuddling, the sensation. It was even better than you had imagined it, the way this headstrong and tough Commander held you this close to their heart, in their loving embrace, so tenderly, every distant touch of their rough hands barely indicating what they were usually capable of doing with them.</p><p>"I mean, I did borrow your soap earlier", Hange confessed after a brief wordless pause, "And I am wearing your clothes, in your bed. So I'm pretty sure technically it's your own smell."<br/>You couldn't help but groan in frustration and barely resisted the urge to pinch the soft skin on their neck as punishment for making you look like a lovestruck fool.<br/>"I'm trying to be romantic, you dolt."<br/>"I know, don't worry, you're doing a good job, love", they assured you, their soothingly deep voice dripping with affection, chin resting on top of your head. </p><p>A long while the both of you cuddled in silence, slowly lulled to sleep by each other's calm breathing. The tranquility was only being disturbed by the rustling of the covers, as either Hange or you shifted your body weight or adjusted the position of limbs ever so slightly, to feel more comfortable. <br/>In and out. <br/>In and out. <br/>"You know", Hange's drowsy voice shattered the quiet, not more than a whisper, "You smell very nice too."<br/>Your mind was barely able to even comprehend their words anymore, though you still managed to order your brain to fabricate an answer.<br/>"What do I smell like?", you slurred.</p><p>"Like home."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I have to admit, I got more emotional finishing up this chapter than during any of the angsty stuff I have done so far, especially the last part.</p><p>Trivia for this chapter: I actually managed to already finish it on Tuesday night, but as I was rereading and editing it, I was so dissatisfied with it, since Hange felt so unbelievable out of character, I trashed the whole thing twice and had to start all over. I think I only got about 2 or 3hrs of sleep every night this week, since I was so determined to deliver something nice on time. I hope the effort was worth it. Hange does feel a lot more believable now at least.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Displaying | You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>More cheesy fluff? More cheesy fluff.</p><p>Also, greetings, to all of the new readers and welcome back and thank you for your support, to everyone already along for the ride.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Before you knew it, the night was over. </p><p>One moment you lay in Hange's arms, purring and trembling beneath their tender touches and soft words, the other you squinted your eyes at the obtrusive rays of light of the early morning sun snaking through the window, licking it's way up the blanket, you were wrapped into and resting cheekily on your features. Your throat escaped a tired groan and you lazily shielded your face from the sudden brightness forcing your eyes to flutter shut once more for a few voiceless moments. </p><p><em>What a day</em>.</p><p>Your brain send waves of memories pulsing in front of your closed lids, causing your head to spin. The emotions clinging to them crawled in form of goosebumps over your skin and the words spoken, barked and hushed sounded in your ears. The training session, the fight with Sasha, you making up, your deep dive into Titan territory, the meeting and parting with Hanni, Erwin's lecture and Hange's confession. You still weren't able to properly comprehend what had transpired. Your brain wasn't able to establish it as part of reality. That you superior, the Section Commander, member of the hot trio and your eccentric boss for the last few years, had voiced their interest in you. Hugged and caressed you, beamed at you with this dumb smirk of theirs and the undeniable deep affection lingering in their eyes. <br/>It still felt like a dream you had just woken up from. Your heart arching with love and excitement now yearned for some sort of confirmation that any of it had actually been real. </p><p>Drowsily you cracked your eyelids open again, removed your arm from your forehead, you had used as protection from the sun and gently let it fall to your side, in breathless anticipation to feel the lean and warm body of your partner beneath your fingertips, still dozing, chest heaving peacefully. <br/>Only to find the space beside you cold and empty. <br/>Immediately an uncomfortable lump settled in your stomach, growing heavier by the second, as you pushed yourself in a seating position to obtain the visual evidence that in fact Hange was not here anymore. Had they ever been in the first place? Or had your mind been playing tricks on you all along? <br/>Your fingers clenched tightly around the blanket, lip already quivering and your breath quickening, when you sensed it; that faint and subtle smell of moss, damp wood, was coating the fabric and you yanked it up to your face, burying your nose in it, to make sure you weren't just imagining it. </p><p>
  <em>Hange.</em>
</p><p>But before your mind was able to make proper use of this new information, the door opened - and the curious amber orbs of the Section Commander met with yours.<br/>You deflated your lungs of the air they had stored and put a hand on top of your chest, to calm your wildly fluttering heart, spurred on by the adrenalin rush. <br/>It hadn't been a dream.<br/>"Good morning, honey!", Hange chimed, a bright smile plastered on their face, as they closed the door again behind them and shortened the distance to your slumped over form on the bed with a bouncy step. Immediately you noticed the hair, the strands tied back up in their usual messy ponytail, being much more silky than it usually appeared to be; distinct proof of their late night bath you had persuaded them to take. <br/>Your partner had replaced their goggles with simple slim rimmed glasses, the sunlight reflecting in them proofing them to be smear- and spotless, which indicated that the workload on their plate for the day was entirely Titan-free. <br/>They had also changed back into their Survey Corps uniform; the skintight white trousers, displaying faint bloodstain, the wash had surrendered to oppose, the leather straps of their harness digging into the soft flesh on their thighs and the faded uniform jacket was draped over a blue colored shirt, showing off way too much of the delicate skin on their neck and collarbone. </p><p>You weren't able to shake off the distant feeling you had seen this shirt before somewhere, yet you didn't manage to put your finger on it.</p><p>"Good morning", you greeted them in return, a pleased smile tugging at the corner of your lips, as you observed them beaming at you in plain and pure excitement, face faintly flushed. You had an inkling you weren't the only one still reveling in the pleasant memories of last night. "You're already awake?"<br/>"Of course!", they exclaimed nosily, "I couldn't sleep any longer, so I have already put some work in. But I would have felt bad about waking you this earlier, so I just let you sleep a while longer."<br/>Nearly absentmindedly Hange set the neat stack of fabric, they had pressed to their chest up until now, on top of the chair flanking your desk and reached out to grab a fistful of leather straps, that were sitting on top of your nearly forgotten workload, to make quick work of detangling them for you. <br/>"But now I can't have much more mercy on you, we have so much to do today", they snickered, as you pushed your arching body out of bed, groaning at the muscle hangover paining your biceps and calves, slowly spreading up the total length of your arms and legs like poison.</p><p>"Hange." A weak attempt to grab their attention.</p><p>"Oh, I also dropped our dirty clothes off at the laundry, they should be done with them tomorrow morning", they continued spouting words, washing the sound of yours away like you hadn't even voiced them in the first place, "You impressed I remembered that, huh?"<br/>"Hange!", you called again, louder this time, finally halting them in their tracks, "I don't need those."</p><p>Oppressive silence polluted the air and amber orbs met yours, flickering with compassion. Their bubbly expression crumbled, the sight alone sending your heart, formerly bursting and fluttering with tender feelings, into a free fall and you gritted your teeth. You didn't want to remind them. Not like that. You didn't want to pronounce the fact, that you were not only relieved of all of you Captain's duties from now on, but at the same time unable to fulfill your role as their loyal assistant as well. Since Erwin had sentenced you to kitchen duty, more or less chaining you to the canteen and the kitchen, you wouldn't be able to follow them around, jog and stumble right behind their broad shoulders, barely able to match their lively step - but still with an excited smirk beneath that flush painting your cheeks.<br/>You couldn't bare to watch the energy drain from their body, didn't want to to become witness of their expression morphing into a worried frown. Your partner placed the dismantled harness back onto the desk, buckles clinging softly and pinched the bridge of their nose, uttering a sigh.</p><p>"Shorty, I'm ... sorry, I forgot about that."</p><p>Still drowsy you toddled over to them on naked feet, like being drawn by an invisible force and reached out for them. Without a second thought your partner offered you their hand to engulf yours into, to feel that familiar warmth oozing off of their rough palm. They squeezed it tightly.  <br/>It wasn't a dream. Your brain repeated this stoic phrase in a persistent loop, as you rested your forehead against their chest, taking in their scent, to proof to yourself and your self conscious mind, that it had actually been the one you had sensed on your blanket and all over your clothes. <br/>"It's fine, don't worry about it", you assured them, eyes fixated on a particular big crumb of dirt right beside your partner's toecap on the wooden floor, "I'm just glad you're still here."<br/>Hange's chest vibrated as it unshackled a pleased hum and their free hand found the back of your neck, gently brushing over the fuzzy fur on the edge of your hairline, tenderly stroking upwards through the silky strands, until their slender fingers rested on top of your head, massaging the scalp, coaxing quiet mewls of comfort out of your throat. </p><p>Just like last night. <br/>It was just like last night, it was all still there.<br/>That smoldering feeling of love.</p><p>"Where else should I be?", they chuckled, followed by a brief pause, as their brain seemed to assemble the bits and pieces of your behavior on display, to make sense of it all, "I'm sorry if I scared you. I did enjoy our night together a lot." <br/>Your heart pounded harder against the inside of your ribcage, threatening to burst it open at any given second, causing a certain familiar shortness of breath, as their loving words, their voice coated with honey encapsulated you and you released an eased, but still trembling, sigh.<br/>"Me too", you confessed quietly, their fingers stroking the top of your head. But just as their honest confession had managed to calm your conflicted consciousness, yet another thought, another insecurity, that kept on slashing deep gashes into the back of your mind, ever since you had woken up to the sight of your empty bed, forced itself upon you. And you felt like if you didn't resolve this right now, duty wouldn't grant you another opportunity any time soon. </p><p>"Hange, what did it mean to you?"</p><p>You lifted your chin, to be able to locate your partner's eyes, still faintly brimming with affection, but now quickly clouded with worry. Their fingers retreated from your scalp to their previous position at the back of your neck.  <br/>"What are you talking about?", they wanted to know, crooking their head and you watched a silky strain of hair fall into their forehead. <br/>"I was just wondering where we're about to go from here", you explained yourself, with a remote uncertainty coloring your voice, <br/>"We did all these things and you know, kinda admitted we're into each other, but are we now, like ..."<br/>Suddenly you felt yourself tripping over your words like a flustered teenager, nearly unable to pronounce the question your heart yearned to find an answer for, your eyes evading the Section Commander's curious, almost stern, glance, <br/>"... Dating?"</p><p>"Oh, honey."</p><p>You couldn't prevent your cheeks to heat up in embarrassment, as Hange gently nudged your face with their palm to turn back to them. An amused as much as comforting expression painted their features.<br/>"Someone is not as confident as she pretended to be last night", they teased, humming, almost singing ever other letter in a different pitch.<br/>"O-oh, shut up, jerk", you groaned, squirming beneath their piercing gaze and their caressing fingers, quickly morphing you into a flustered mess, "It's just that I won't hear the end of it, until I've given Sasha a full report about what happened."<br/>This statement wasn't as close to a lie as your shaking voice made it out to be. Your friend indeed wouldn't stop pestering you about the outcome of your dangerous trip into Titan territory, that had ultimately cost you so much. And with them being this deeply involved in the beginning of your little love story, you couldn't stop feeling like you owed them. In more ways than one.</p><p>"She already asked if we were 'a thing' yet", you uttered in a much quieter voice, the volume dropping with each word.</p><p>A faint glimmer of pride had also started to rise, swiftly gaining proper form, crawling up the insides of your stomach and settled in your throat in the most obstructive way, causing you to nearly choke on it. It was a selfish, maybe childish, desire, but as much as you didn't intend to hide your relationship, you also wanted to be able to officially call your Section Commander your partner, your second half, the person you were closest to and trusted almost blindly. And you wanted to hear that confirmation from their own mouth. </p><p>You wanted this to be something real.</p><p>"Ah, our nosy little matchmaker", Hange reminiscent and a tug on the corner of their lips pulled them into a soft smile, "I would have never thought she'd be able to fool me like that. Guess we shouldn't keep her in suspense for too long then, shall we?"<br/>An honest and bright snickering chimed from their throat, the sound encapsulating you and only added more fuel to the fire burning within your heart.</p><p>
  <em>Love. I'm so deeply in love with you and soon you'll know.</em>
</p><p>"To be honest", they confessed, thumb nearly absentmindedly brushing over your cheek, their amber orbs locating yours, "I have been thinking about that all morning, actually. And I don't think the term 'girlfriend' fits either of us, does it?"<br/>That slim glimmer of confidence you had held close your heart flickered and wavered, like a candle in a storm. Your friend sounded quite serious, but since you weren't able to define the meaning behind the tone in their voice properly, you wouldn't want to suspect the worst just yet. Why would they reject you now, after all their gentle and honest touches, their tender kisses and purred confessions?<br/>"I don't know about you", they continued, almost anxiously scratching the back of their neck, "But I think it makes us sound like lovey-dovey teenagers. Besides, I never quite connected with the label 'girl'."<br/>Your lungs heaved a deep sigh of relief, calming your wildly fluttering heart. You should have known that that was what they had been referring to, yet your own lacking self confidence had led you to believe otherwise. Remorseful you scolded yourself for losing faith in your partner even if just for a brief moment. But soon you found your worries and anxious thoughts being buried underneath this scorching and heavy anticipation their words had stirred you to experience. </p><p>"So instead", Hange announced almost solemnly while beaming at you, the eyes behind their spotless glasses, with the slim golden rims gleaming in the sunlight, sparkling passionately, "Do you want to be my life partner in crime? And dedicate your heart to the noble cause of chasing down Titans with me, until the day we die from old age?"<br/>Before they were able to even finish their little speech, you bluntly interrupted them by launching your small body forward to wrap your arms around the Section Commander's neck, squeezing your bright hot cheek against theirs and inevitably send them stumbling back a few steps, squealing in surprise due to the unexpected extra weight in their arms. </p><p>
  <em>Love. Love. Love.</em>
</p><p>The words connected to the seething feeling of crystal clear affection pounded against the insides of your mind like a drum, briefly obstructed your hearing, replacing it with a persistent beeping. The sole sound able to push through to you was your partner's radiant infectious laughter vibrating in their chest pressed against yours. Not only had they agreed to date you and call you their partner for life, but had done it in the most cheesy and Hange-like way possible, probably not even aware of the fact they had made it sound like you were already tying the knot.</p><p>"There's no place I'd rather be", you breathed as an answer to their proposal against their ear, voice shaking and eyes swimming in tears. Reluctantly you pulled away to be able to take a proper glimpse at Hange's face, "No other place than right at your side. As your life partner." </p><p>Time seemed to grind to a complete hold, as the bright sunlight reflecting in your partner's glasses obstructed your view at their amber orbs and for a breathless moment you weren't able to read them, though their former cheekiness apparently had been completely smoked out by your plain choice of words. Slowly but steadily the crimson blush started to creep up their neck, their cheeks, forcing their lips to twist, their nose to twitch, their brows to furrow, before they unexpectedly yanked both of their arms, with hands curled to fists, above their head and unshackled an almost inhuman victory cheer, leaving you stunned. </p><p>But also filled you up with pure and plain happiness, the anger, anxiety and disappointment from last night almost forgotten. </p><p>Eagerly they snatched your form off the ground, fingers digging into the soft skin on your waist, hot palms almost about to burn through the fabric of your shirt, as they used the momentum gained to spin both of your two bodies around in a full circle, causing you to gasp and squeal at their unforeseen action, before they placed your naked feet safely back down on the wooden floor. Yet their arms refused to release your body, while your own were also still tightly and securely clasped around their neck. </p><p>Tenderly your foreheads connected, the both of you fully aware of the dull, honest and mad pounding of each others hearts, your quickened pulse. <br/>Ba-dum, Ba-dum, Ba-dum.</p><p>"Maybe I was wrong." Hange was the first to speak again, slightly out of breath, strands of their silky hair faintly brushing the heated skin on your cheeks, reluctantly pulling back to get a better view at your flushed face. Their features were plastered with pure passion, coated with excitement, painted with love.<br/>"Maybe we're lovey-dovey teenagers after all."<br/>Your throat escaped a bright laugh, morphing into a chuckle and your eyes met theirs, noticing your own flustered form reflected in their spotless glasses - until they crooked their head ever so slightly and the reflection was replaced by their amber orbs swirling and flickering with honest affection. </p><p>Tense silence lingered in between you, while you persistently held each others gazes. And as your own breath quickened in anticipation, hitched in your throat, their's seemed to noticeably slow down instead.<br/>Just like yesterday, outside of the walls, as their lips had been so close to meeting yours. <br/>Just like last night, in front of your bathroom door, as you had their lean body pinned right beneath your fingertips. <br/>"Sina", the Section Commander ultimately exclaimed, voice hoarse and dripping with longing, "I want to kiss you so badly right now."<br/>Goosebumps traveled all over your skin, ultimately nestled as a comfortable lump in your stomach and resulted in your fingers to dig into the back of their neck, to scratch the soft skin, eliciting them a faint hiss. Your knees trembled ever so slightly. You were sure, if you hadn't been in their arms, your legs slowly but steadily refusing their services would have flopped your almost lifeless body disloyally straight to the wooden floor.</p><p>Considering your current state of mind you were surprised yourself to hear these confident words leaving your mouth, nearly purring them:</p><p>"Then why aren't you?"</p><p>With your almost challenging permission pending in between the ever shrinking space still separating your faces, Hange didn't waste any more time. A last shaky breath visibly inflated their nostrils, before they swiftly pressed their soft lips onto yours. The tingling sensation of their hot skin on yours coaxed a quiet moan out of your throat, causing you to unintentionally mewl against their mouth. Your ears picked up a hum of approval originating from your partner at the sound and their hands eagerly drew your body closer to them, hips bumping into each other. They pulled their head back ever so slightly, disconnecting their wet lips from yours for a brief moment, releasing an almost pleased and stifled sigh, only to reapply them at a different angle, turning one kiss into two. </p><p>You felt like being in a daze, holding onto your Commander for your dear life, eyes fluttering shut and your body yielded beneath their loving caresses. Reveled in the gentle almost unnoticeable movements of their mouth on yours, unable as much as unwilling to gain control over the situation. The lump in your abdomen grew at the exact same pace as the obstructive bundle of scorching hot feelings in the back of your mind, jamming any coherent thoughts; I'm so madly in love with you.<br/>Just as you bravely parted your lips to give Hange easier access to deepen the kiss, you desired that badly, they relocated their attention instead, drew a tender line of kisses from your cheek over your jawline, chasing the prove of your rapidly quickening pulse, leaving a thin flaming trail of saliva behind. Memories of your past reveries flooded your mind at a relentless pace and you started to squirm underneath their strong grip.</p><p>"Hange", you whimpered, a breath hitching in your throat, as they began to nibble and audibly suck at your delicate skin, while you helplessly felt the need coat the space in between your legs inexorably. But just as you feared to reach a mental breaking point where you wouldn't be able to restrain the desire, you desperately tried to keep sealed, any longer, the Section Commander luckily released your neck and their flushed face, with amber eyes clouded with love, reappeared in your field of view. Despite their bold initiative and their confident teasing they seemed to be just as flustered as you were. </p><p>"Sorry about that", they uttered under their breath, an apologetic expression plastered on their features, while your trembling fingers felt for the part of your skin right on top of your aorta they had decided to latch onto, "I couldn't help but leave a little token of love."<br/>An indignant gasp escaped your throat at their almost cheeky confession and even though you were not able to see it with your own eyes, you knew exactly what they had done. <br/>"You didn't."<br/>"Sure did."<br/>"Hange!", you blurted out, again felt the blush, that had never even drained from your face, burning on your cheeks, as your hand instinctively covered the probably quite visible bruise on your neck, rubbing it, like you expected it to come off like a stain of dirt. As soon as Sasha spotted this, she'd chew your ear off until you spilled all of the juicy little details; not even mentioning everyone else you would be serving their food in the canteen today. Your Section Commander really had shamelessly put you on the spot.</p><p>"I just had to make sure", they explained with a breathy voice, close to a throaty growl, faintly brushing your fingers on top of the bruise with their thumb, "That everyone knows you belong to me now."<br/>Their unexpected possessive words caught you off guard and send your heart into a free fall. The memories of last night reemerged and while you were glad you had been able to free them from their oppressing mental restrain, this fear of being forced to hide your relationship from everyone else, you couldn't help but worry what you had gotten yourself into. </p><p>Your still dazed and stunned mind browsing for an appropriate answer, turned it's attention back to Hange, who was sheepishly tugging at the hem of their uniform jacket, like a cadet awaiting punishment for disturbing the lecture, your eyes trailing their hands movements, and suddenly this distant feeling of missing something you hadn't been able to shake off the whole time, forced itself upon you again. </p><p>Then it hit you like a Titan's foot. And your eyes widened.</p><p>"Wait a second", you gasped, reached out and got a hold on the dark blue collar of their shirt, you had been most curious about before, peeking from underneath their uniform jacket and pulled on the faded fabric missing a button at the top, causing them to release a stifled squeal in surprise.<br/>"Are you still wearing my shirt?"<br/>As you had handed it over to them last night, you hadn't been able to stop wrapping your head around the idea of them wearing it even outside of your room, putting your close relationship on display by showing it off, but you hadn't expected them to actually consider it themselves. <br/>Hange's eyes lit up and an excited expression painted their features.<br/>"Oh yeah!", they cackled, "It's so cozy, I couldn't help myself."<br/>Their features softened. <br/>"Also, it reminds me of you. Your smell is all over it. Mind if I hold onto it for a little while?"<br/>"You really are taking this 'Don't hold back' quite seriously, aren't you?", you commented, more of a statement than a question, your words accompanied by a sigh, while an amused smirk started to form on your lips. You should have at least considered the possibility of them going right overboard after receiving your permission - like they always did. You were acquainted long enough for you to already be accustomed to their antics. And while you did feel some sort of embarrassment about them actively parading the recent shift in your close relationship around that openly right away, you couldn't deny that excited and warm tingle brimming in the depths of your stomach; just like last night. </p><p>Everyone would be aware that something was going on between the both of you. <br/>Everyone would be aware that you had started to share a lot more than just notes and knowledge. <br/>And while you weren't able to ignore the initial flicker of uneasiness as well as worry, about the reactions of your peers, your superiors, the scorching hot feeling of your heart bursting with pride and affection was much more prominent. </p><p>Hange Zoë, the Section Commander and Titan researcher, was your life partner. They belonged to you and you to them and them alone. <br/>And you wanted to whole world to know.</p><p>"Don't be mad, I even brought you something in exchange!", your partner exclaimed and grasped your hand to maneuver you over to your desk, where they had dumped the neatly stacked pile of fabric on the flanking chair earlier, you had almost forgotten about.<br/>"I wasn't quite sure if you would like it though." <br/>They revealed the identity of the hump as they unfolded the mustard colored cloth on top as one of their own shirts. It appeared to be clean, but displayed the faded yet still prominent splatters of dried blood and smudgy ink, present on almost all of their clothes, the wash hadn't managed to oppose. <br/>"So I have a small collection for you to choose from, just in case."<br/>They brought another shirt up in front of their chest, a green one this time with a torn sleeve, followed by it's white equivalent, turned gray by the ravages of time, only faintly resembling it's original form. <br/>You remembered them wearing each and every one of those one day or another, on different occasions, your mind even able to connect scenarios to the wild variety of stains on display. </p><p>Your curious gaze flicked from the clothes the Section Commander pressed to their chest to properly show them off to you up to their eyes, to be met with a passionate and eager expression. </p><p>"You're too good to me", you breathed, quite touched by their loving gesture, quickly swallowing the tears threatening to fill your eyes. Almost reluctantly you ended up reaching out and tugged at the hem of the mustard colored shirt they had unfolded first. You were quite vividly able to recall this certain piece of clothing being glued to their lean body by sweat and blood beneath the tatty uniform the day the both of you had first met, it's prominent color peeking from underneath the jacket's sleeve as they reached out to trap your hand in a firm handshake, introducing themselves with that almost ridiculously loud voice as Section Commander Hange Zoë - probably sealing your fate right then and there.</p><p>"This one", you decided with a throaty voice, reveling in the pleasant memories and with a dumb smirk decorating Hange's features they handed it over to you.<br/>"Good choice, it's my favorite", they shared, surrendering it to your grasp and folded the remaining pieces back into a - this time quite messy - pile, "You can keep it."<br/>"Are you sure?"<br/>"Absolutely", they confirmed with an almost stern tone in their voice, "I want you to have it."<br/>Your expression softened and you clutched their thoughtful present between your fingers. <br/>"Thank you", you uttered under your breath, "I hope you know, that you have to make sure it keeps your smell though."<br/>Hange's amused chuckling chimed in your ears and a breath hitched in your throat as their hand landed on your neck again, gently brushing over the mark they had left on your delicate skin. </p><p>"I think I can manage that", they purred, lips twitching as their eyes flicked to your slightly parted ones before slowly leaning in, your eyes already fluttering shut in tense anticipation. </p><p>"Captain?"</p><p>Suddenly a muffled voice accompanied by the sound of bones and wood meeting caused the both of you to flinch. Your heart pounded helplessly against the inside of your ribcage and you grabbed your chest in an attempt to calm it. Your extended heartfelt talk and exchange of tender touches and loving kisses had completely detached you from reality for a few blissful hours, but the soldier right outside of your room, tapping against the fragile bubble you had cuddled up in, knocked you right out of the skies. </p><p>"Are you awake?", The sound of the female voice sounding almost frightened reached your ears once more, "Captain Levi ordered me to pick you up."<br/>"Give me a minute!", you answered while frowning. Of course, Erwin had to send his little helper to make sure you actually showed up to do the dirty work he had sentenced you with; Another proof you had completely ruined the trust the two of you had build up over the years.</p><p>Considering Hange's expression they were just as disappointed as you about your quality time coming to an end - especially since the two of you wouldn't be able to work together for a while. <br/>"Break time is over", they sighed, a weak smile resting on their lips as they adjusted their slim rimmed glasses, "You should get dressed. You wouldn't want to be late, the grump will snitch on you, believe me."<br/>"Don't remind me", you groaned, as you pulled your shirt, you had been sleeping in, over your head to launch it across the room and onto the unmade bed, a faint blush creeping up your cheeks as you noticed Hange's curious gaze immediately burning into the skin of your exposed upper body, trailing curves and taking in your muscular form, analyzing your own collection of healed scars, lastly lingering on your bruised forearms, the painful reminders of your little trip into Titan territory.</p><p>"Take your time, I'll keep your guest busy."</p><p>You slipped your arms into the sleeves of Hange's shirt and reveled in their familiar scent of ash and damp wood clinging to the fabric, slowly encapsulating you again. Just as you started to button it, slowly, one button after another, you shot your partner another glance, who was, despite their words, in fact still observing you; their lips pressed against each other, a distinct display of need swirling in their eyes and suddenly they reminded you of yourself last night, as you had watched them reemerge from the bath. <br/>You couldn't help but feel a certain sense of pride of being able to draw their undivided attention to you like that with just a slim amount of effort - not only the other way around. It caused you to feel loved and desired.  <br/>A faint tingle rose from the depths of your abdomen.</p><p>"Hange, you're drooling", you teased them, watched their cheeks heat up like they had been caught in the act, swiftly wiping their chin while uttering a swear, though not finding the drops of saliva they had probably expected to cling to their skin. Aware, you had just shamelessly fooled them a challenging smirk formed on their lips. Swiftly you decided to interrupt any rebuttal they might had been about to spill as quickly as possible, since you didn't necessarily want to squirm underneath any more of their blunt statements than you already had to.</p><p>
  <em>Love. </em>
</p><p>"Go; we'll meet at 6 like always later, right?" A warm smile rested on your lips.</p><p>"Like always."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Two parts for this chapter again, you know the drill. I swear, I'll get back to something resembling plot eventually.</p><p>Trivia; You can't actually get married as a same sex couple here in Germany, but you can in fact officially/legally become 'partners for life', which is basically the same as marriage, just with a different name and slightly different procedure. Thought this was kinda fitting, since I really didn't want to use the term "girlfriend" for Hange anyways.</p><p>Also, I'd like to inform you in advance that next weeks chapter will probably be delayed by a few days (but only a week tops), since I've gotten kinda sick this week. I feel pretty miserable and unable to concentrate, so I'll be taking a small break to recover. Until then, stay awesome (and healthy), fellow Hange lovers!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Displaying | Hange</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>look at me, finally establishing something resembling plot in this long ass chapter</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After you had finally nudged Hange to part with you and observed the door falling shut behind them, your world appeared weirdly hollow. </p><p>Just a second ago you had felt their warm lips on yours, their hot breath tickling your skin, their rough palms caressing your cheeks and hips and now it was all gone. And while that sane part of your mind was very well aware you were being irrational, scolded you for being this clingy and overly dramatic, your heart couldn't help but already yearn for them. Desired to explore these new and exciting feelings to the fullest, experiment with what kind of effect your words and actions would have on your partner. </p><p>What kind of reactions they were able to coax out of you. </p><p>A comfortable lump nestled in your abdomen, transmitting waves of dopamine to infect every nerve in your body, reminding you that you would only be apart for a few hours, to lift your spirits and heighten your motivation. And suddenly the imagination of doing all kinds of frustrating tasks for the entirety of the day, only to be rewarded with being comforted, coddled and fussed over by your lover later, showering your face with lazy kisses, their throat vibrating with low hums and chuckles, send a warm chill traveling up your spine and morphed your lips into a dumb smile. </p><p>With another reluctant knock on the door your guest reminded you of her presence and the noise managed to drag you right back to reality. Your soft bubble full of tender reveries burst and hastily you tugged the hem of your latest achievement into the waistband of your, very far from clean, white uniform pants your wardrobe had just disgorged. You shouldn't let her wait for too long - for her as well as your own sake. One last time your fingertips brushed firmly over the uniform jacket, the tatty patch, feeling every rip and tear, to smooth the prominent folds, before trailing upwards to the collar of Hange's shirt to vigorously pull it towards the hickey they had left so prominently on your neck. Even though you couldn't examine it with your own eyes, you were still able to point out the exact spot your partner's soft lips had nibbled and sucked on your delicate skin, could have sworn to sense the area around it tingling. And despite your honest attempt to hide it, you eventually had to admit defeat. This stiff and small piece of fabric would never be able to cover up the space just right underneath your jawline. So you truly had no other choice but to show off the proof of your loving exchange like a badge of pride. </p><p>To let everyone see you had been marked. </p><p>Bravely you stepped out of the safety of your room, but not without almost absentmindedly snatching a small notebook from the mess on top of your desk, cramping it in the slim breast pocket of your jacket. On your way out you stomped your heels a bit more forceful onto the wooden floorboards than necessary, as you noticed your feet slipping out of the heavy boots with every step, left behind another trail of dirt as well as the pleasant memories, trapped them to revel in them later as you let the door fall shut behind you. </p><p>Hange was nowhere to be seen and you struggled to keep yourself from groaning in annoyance. It was like they had forgotten about their promise to "keep your guest busy" the moment they had treaded over the threshold, while their mind had probably already strayed someplace else entirely - their workload most likely. <br/>
Instead before you trembled a young cadet, who surprisingly towered you to the same extent than your Section Commander did and for a brief second you couldn't help but sympathize with Levi, who had to handle these kind of awkward encounters all around the clock. <br/>
Her silky hair was cleanly braided, her features soft and slender, like those of a doll, even her harness couldn't trap her lean body tightly enough. But in great contrary to her mellow looks, she seemed pretty restless. Nervous. Almost frightened. She didn't manage to keep the focus of her bright blue eyes on you, instead her gaze was fixated on a spot right behind you. You couldn't tell if you had seen her before among the cadets - you sure would have remembered her considering her height and overall appearance. </p><p>Except a shaky salute and a squeaked "Captain" out of her throat and an uttered "Cadet" out of yours, the both of you didn't engage in any kind of conversation while she escorted you to the dining hall like a prisoner on her way to receive the death sentence. You had trouble keeping up with the broad steps she took with her lanky legs, who seemed to be way too long, even considering her height. <br/>
It didn't feel appropriate having her trembling before you like that. But since she had been ordered by Captain Levi personally to pick you up for your day of work in the canteen, she had to be aware something was up. Maybe he even told her. Typically no soldier in your position would be detached for these kinds of tasks, not with everything else going on in the Survey Corps. <br/>
This simple fact, that you were on the brink of losing your rank, was the sole reason you didn't even try to strike up a conversation. She was probably just as uncomfortable with this entire situation as you were. </p><p>In silence, only with the sounds of your hasty footsteps following you around like a noisy ghost, you made your way out of the barracks, across the uninhabited courtyard and over to the building right on the opposite side. <br/>
Your mute travel companion opened the heavy door for you and stepped aside, turning on her heels, so you were able to briefly exchange meaningful glances, before you slipped through the crack and out of her sight. It was still early, so the canteen was deserted, expect the always busy kitchen ladies in the far back of the room, behind the hefty wooden tables and flimsy chairs, fussing over a big pot of steaming pottage and barrels of unsliced bread. <br/>
The vigorous smell of bean soup impregnated the air and caused your mouth to water. You hadn't noticed how hungry you were up until now, but since you had been forced to skip dinner yesterday, it had been a while since you had a proper meal last. Though today you would surely be the last person allowed to eat, since you were appointed to serve everyone else first. </p><p>Even though you weren't contented with the line of work Erwin had chosen for you, the warm smiles gifted to you by the middle aged women behind the counter, as they noticed you approach them while rolling up your sleeves, made your day a bit brighter. They had probably been informed about the arrival of their aide. <br/>
It was futile attempting to escape your fate, so you had to make the best of it. If you directed all of your undivided attention at your job, maybe you would be able to forget the threat of the demotion pending over your head like a dark cloud - even if just for a little while. </p><p>Immediately you indulged yourself completely into tasks bestowed upon you. Stacked plates, bowls and trays, sliced bread into more or less equal pieces and managed the fire beneath the soup heavy pot at the same time, making sure the tasty thick liquid you had to feed all those hungry mouths with didn't boil over. <br/>
Promptly you regularly started to wipe off the sweat basically dripping from your forehead, due to being forced to operate in miniscule distance to the scorching heat, so you reluctantly decided to match your attire with those of your colleagues and tied a stained white sheet tightly around your head, to keep the wet salty produce of your body from collecting in the corner of your eyes and obstructing your vision. <br/>
In a way you felt like being teleported to an obscure battle field outside of the safety of the walls. Underneath your trembling fingertips the knifes transformed into swords, the sliced pieces of dry bakery into cut neck pieces, the soup dumped lazily into bowls to blood pouring and splashing out of steaming gashes in sickly colored skin. </p><p>You were a soldier through and through.<br/>
Always had been. <br/>
And you weren't exactly certain if you would ever be able to be something else. Someone else than a productive member of the Survey Corps. <br/>
Someone else than Sasha's experienced friend. <br/>
Someone else than Hange's loyal assistant. <br/>
Despite your desperate attempts to put your worries behind you, at least for now, they kept barging through the gates to your mind without you being able to prevent them, flooded your thoughts and shamelessly occupied your mind.</p><p><em>Fear.</em> </p><p>A breath hitched in your throat and your chest suddenly felt too tight. Although Hange's comforting words from last night still sounded very vivid, undeniably true in your ears, that ranks and status didn't matter, you couldn't help but be frightened about what future had in store for you. Where your path would lead you, in case you were actually being demoted. Kicked out of your room and thrown back into the pit, to the wolves, abandoned and compelled to crawl back on hands and knees to where you once had been. <br/>
The countless pieces of your mind were scattered all over the place without your partner right at your side to hold and pierce them back together. While you had always imagined yourself to be the calm and collected half in this relationship, suddenly being parted without your consent from this passionate force of nature that was Hange Zoe proofed otherwise. </p><p>But before you were able to drown in your worries entirely, in self pity, the doors to the canteen swung open and a torrent of cadets and soldiers flooded the canteen. The almost overwhelming noises of barking laughter and ridiculously raucous voices accompanied by the stomping of heavy boots on the floor, scraping from wood on wood of pulled chairs and pushed tables assailed your ears. <br/>
Soon you weren't even able to hear yourself think anymore, which was, considering the nature of your current thoughts, probably a good thing. On all those occasions you had visited the canteen yourself, to gulp down the scarce meals you were offered, you had never noticed the overall rowdy atmosphere. <br/>
Now your brain categorized it as almost unbearable. </p><p>With a dissatisfied frown decorating your features you tugged at the hem of Hange's shirt, to pull it farther up your forearms and over your elbows, as you observed the crowd parting; one half occupying the space on the countless tables for themselves and their comrades, while the other shortened the distance to your position. <br/>
Just like a flock of brainless Titans drawn to their food. <br/>
Vigorously your gaze danced from cadet to cadet, scanning features and forms, but you weren't able to spot a familiar face in the sea of people lining up expectantly. Maybe Sasha was still asleep, especially after what had transpired yesterday. <br/>
But then again, you couldn't imagine them skipping a meal on their own accord.</p><p>You weren't granted any more time to waste on frivolous thoughts, since your colleagues already called your name and nudged you, maybe a bit harsher than necessary, to hand out the rations you had spend the last hours preparing and separating. <br/>
You were appointed to the end of the line, like some kind of ridiculous foreshadowing and ordered to set the already prepared bowls and plates on the trays and hand them out. <br/>
At first you could barely keep up with the rigorous pace of the skilled women, the anxiety in your mind spiking to an almost insufferable level, nearly spilling soup and dropping bread, to the raucous disapproval of the cadets on the other side of the broad table, the three of you utilized to push the trays from one worker to the other, loosely resembling an assembly line. <br/>
The people passed you by so briefly, that you were barely capable to take in their features, let alone able to exchange some friendly words with someone acquainted to you.</p><p>After you had adjusted the movements of your arms and hands and legs accordingly, the persistent strain of your muscle hangover scratching and arching right underneath the skin stretching over your prominent biceps and the first relentless wave of starving cadets had thinned out, you were finally able to relax your tense body, unloading the dissipated air from your lungs and immediately refilling them. <br/>
The way you had been working to capacity had been exactly what you needed to distract yourself. <br/>
With a firm pat on your chest you made sure your notebook was still sitting snugly where you had left it, your other hand yanking the fabric, almost threatening to cover your eyes, around your head higher up your forehead, just in time with a familiar brunette pushing herself into your field of view. </p><p>"Sasha!", you exclaimed in pleasant surprise, your voice hoarse, so you were forced to clear your throat and located the young cadets eyes, decorated with dark bags right underneath, witnessed them focus you, staring with this empty expression.<br/>
"Hungry", she simply groaned, a bizarre sound somewhere in between a throaty growl and a high pitched whine and collapsed theatrically on top of the sturdy table, chin colliding with the hard surface in defeat, arms splayed out in your general direction, <br/>
"I think I'm dying." <br/>
You had an inkling what she had to endure last night after all the commotion. Even if you had taken the blame for her, the overall atmosphere sure couldn't have been pretty, especially considering her already tense relationship with Keith. <br/>
With an amused smile curling your lips your fingers found the back of her head on prominent display and firmly messaged her scalp, coaxing another mewl from her throat.<br/>
"There, there", you chuckled and watched her turn her face to press her cheek against the wood, to be able to shoot you a quick glance, "No one is dying on my watch."</p><p>For a breathless moment the two of you were holding each others gazes, the unspoken apologies, lengthy explanations and soothing words lingering in the air, though no one dared to pick them up. <br/>
The both of you were aware you didn't have time for a heartfelt talk, not now, not with the workload, namely the impatient cadets piling up behind your friend, all of them already used to Sasha's peculiar relationship with food as well as her daily dramatic displays of alleged starvation, and not with all of those inquisitive individuals in earshot. <br/>
Considering what you intended to tell her, confess to her, you were in need of privacy and just as you were about to take a deep breath and open your mouth, to ask her about meeting you later on your usual spot on top of the wall, she suddenly gasped quite audibly and her head perked up.</p><p>"No way!", Sasha squeaked, apparently not on the brink of death anymore and slammed one hand on top of the table, causing dishes to cling and people to groan in annoyance, her other reaching out to get a hold of your collar. <br/>
It was just like you had feared. You broke out in cold sweat and your heart started to race. <br/>
Of course she had noticed it.<br/>
"No, you didn't!", she hollered and for a moment you weren't quite sure if she was referring to the shirt of the Section Commander clutched in her fingers or the hickey imprinted on your neck - in case of doubt both - before she almost carelessly yanked the fabric aside, unnecessarily exposing your collarbone, taking a closer look at the prominent love bite. <br/>
Your ears picked up the sound of gasping and giggling from scattered soldiers around you and you sensed your face heating up. You weren't ashamed of your relationship with Hange, not even remotely, but about the intimate activity the marking on your body implied, you desperately wanted to keep as private as possible. </p><p>"Please tell me that this is, what I think it is", she begged, improperly poking the bruise with two of her cold fingers, like to check if it wasn't just a vivid hallucination of hers, <br/>
"Did ...?" <br/>
Fortunately she decided to lower the volume of the output of her vocal cords, her glance darting left and right, foolishly pretending, or at least you hoped, to make sure no one was in hearing range.<br/>
"... Section Commander Hange do that?"<br/>
Her voice no more than a whisper, her brown eyes growing wide in tense anticipation of your answer.<br/>
A certain sense of pride melding with tingling affection seemed to ignite your insides, the fire quickly spreading to coat your heart and inflate your lungs, sending shivers down your spine and painted your cheeks a bright shade of pink. <br/>
Hange, your life partner, your lover. Finally you would be able to speak these words out load, confirming it, embracing it, possibly bragging a little. So much had changed since Sasha's and your talk yesterday, sweating in the intense midday sun, while you were pouring you heart out over your unrequited crush on your superior. </p><p>And now you were able to tell your friend the truth.</p><p>"Yes, they did", you uttered under your breath, your blunt and plain words, you had actually tried to pack up more solemnly, almost drowned out by the deafening sounds, the scattered complaints about the holdup, "I uh ... told them. We're 'a thing' now."<br/>
You were literally able to observe the gears in Sasha's brain operating behind that chocolate orbs of hers, while she was processing your statements, her fingers digging deeper into the fabric of your shirt. For a breathless second you weren't quite sure if she would react at all, until her lips morphed into a winning smirk, her nose started to twitch and her expression was plastered with pure relief, satisfaction and excitement. The comfortable feeling of affection for your friend and how invested she was in your personal matters encapsulated you. <br/>
"Oh, I told you, didn't I?!", she exclaimed, her hands moving up to your shoulders, squeezing them, applying pressure with her palms and fingers, causing your upper body to sway back and forth underneath her grip, as she was practically shaking you like to proof a point, <br/>
"I told you, it would work out! Oh, I'm so happy for you!"</p><p>Sasha's throat escaped some kind of wheezing noise, transforming into a chuckle, then a heartfelt laughter, earning her the confused stares of her comrades, yet she didn't spare them any mind. Her whole being seemed to vibrate under the news you had just served her. <br/>
"Ah, yeah, I guess you were right", you admitted sheepishly, scratching the back of your neck, a habit you unnoticeable had picked up and blatantly copied from you partner.<br/>
Abruptly your friend ceased all of her movements, simple pinning you with her gaze, while her pupils widened to the size of the plates on her almost forgotten tray, her internal focus clearly shifting and drifting to everything else but you.<br/>
"I have to tell Connie", she gasped, voice stoic, finally releasing your shoulders and bouncing back a few steps, almost tripping over her own feet, yanking up her arms and locating her friend sitting at a packed table in the far back of the dining hall, waiting for her.<br/>
"Hey, Connie!", she yelled and the boys head perked up in alarm about the sudden commotion, while you noticed your own cheeks suddenly heating up from the ever growing attention the both of you received, sensed the countless stares tingling on your skin and you couldn't help but beg for the ground beneath you to just open up and swallow you whole. <br/>
You should have known something like that would happen. You should rather be grateful she didn't holler your relationship status out loud for the entirety of the dining hall to hear.</p><p>"Sasha, your food!", you called after the brunette, who apparently had crossed the reason why she had been lining up in the first place out of her mind completely, as she was already making her way back to her fellow cadet. While silently swearing she turned on her heels and snatched the tray from the table, spilling drops of soup and causing the dishes to cling. <br/>
"You have to tell me all about it later", she demanded, clutching her breakfast tightly in between her fingers, squinting, "I'll get mad at you if you don't!"<br/>
She didn't even grant you the time to answer, pushing her slender body through the crowd of cadets, protecting her meal like a mother her children and soon was swallowed whole, only the distant yelling and snickering and laughing announcing her presence.</p><p>A smile settled on your lips, as you adjusted your collar and wiped drops of sweat clinging to your skin from your chin with the back of your hand, as the line of soldiers, that had been forced to grind to a complete halt, was finally able to progress. You really couldn't have asked for a better, more passionate and caring friend than Sasha. <br/>
 You were barely able to contain your inner excitement about properly opening up to her, in private, lounging right next to her on top of the wall, shrouded in the light of the sun drowning behind the horizon and putting out your heart on full display, spilling and sharing all of those new thrilling feelings you were experiencing. </p><p>While you picked up your work again, you couldn't help but snicker in amusement about her not even noticing what kind of shirt you were wearing.</p>
<hr/><p>Pretty soon you lost your sense of time, since you were confined to the inside of the dining hall, your only indicator being the bright rays of sunlight sneaking their way through the door crack or even barging in once in a while, whenever cadets pushed it open to arrive late for breakfast or leave for training. But you were pretty sure it took the young soldiers quite a while to take in their meals, some of them even lining up again for seconds. You weren't permitted to hand out too many rations at once to a single soldier, but depending on how nicely and sweetly they asked or, in Sasha's and Connie's case, begged and pleaded, you were willing to make exceptions here and there, earning you flustered smirks and grateful grins. </p><p>After what felt like hours you finally allowed the tension in your body to crumble, your strained muscle to relax and lazily you stretched your heavy limbs over your head, extracting a soft content mewl out of your throat. This kind of work wasn't as bad or humiliating as you had expected it to be. It actually felt rewarding. <br/>
This small sense of accomplishment lingered in the back of your mind, overshadowed the looming anxiety and fear that had decided to occupy it since yesterday. </p><p>
  <em>Hope.</em>
</p><p>You withdrew your attention from your small exercise, as you noticed the doors swing open once more, originally carving more of the warming sunlight disgorging over the wooden floor, but instead your frame immediately reeled back to it's former state of almost painful tenseness, your throat dried out and your breathing quickened.<br/>
Erwin stepped over the threshold to the dining all, occupied the entire space in the room just due to his simple threatening presence - with Captain Levi lingering almost unnoticed in his shadow. <br/>
Immediately the entire atmosphere shifted. </p><p>Instinctively you ducked your head, tried to conceal your body, behind the scarce cluster of people still lingering in the dining hall. Suddenly felt the foolish urge to hide right underneath the table. You hadn't forgotten about the way he had barked at you yesterday, his words still echoing, vividly in the back of your head. The last thing you wanted right about now was being confronted with the Commander of the Survey Corps again. <br/>
A small part of you, clawing at the insides of your mind, couldn't help but believe he was here solely because of you. To observe you. To make sure you were taking your punishment the way he had intended you to. <br/>
But at the same time that still sane section of your brain laughed at you for even thinking about him having his kind of obsession over a plain soldier like you, not extraordinary in any way. Because ultimately that was what you were; a simple pawn underneath his command, he had been forced to sanction. <br/>
You wondered if he had already arrived at a decision regarding your rank.</p><p>
  <em>Anxiety.</em>
</p><p>With firm steps and that familiar stern expression plastered on his features, Erwin strode past whispering, giggling and gasping cadets observing his every move, his clearly bored subordinate trailing him, eyes darting left and right, searching for an unoccupied and somewhat peaceful place to sit down. You could clearly spot how desperately some were pining after the attractive men - and you couldn't blame them. You hadn't been any different not too long ago.</p><p>
  <em>Hange. </em>
</p><p>Just as their name wriggled itself free from the restraints you had attempted to tie around it, to push them out of your brain for a little while to be able to focus, you physically flinched as a sudden dull sound, originating from the other side of the only recently closed door, assailed your ears. <br/>
Silence.<br/>
A bunch of muffled inaudible swears followed and soon after the wood parted from it's matching frame once more, letting the warm sunlight back in and revealing an obviously irritated Hange slipping their body through the crack - in one hand a bunch of messy papers, topped by a slim tatty book and their other pressed to their forehead, right above the slim rimmed glasses, now clearly smudged. </p><p>For a split second your eyes fluttered shut in disbelief, overshadowing the warm joy you felt only laying your eyes on them, and you took a deep breath, your nostrils deflating in the progress, fingers lingering calmly on top of the table, as the second hand embarrassment rapidly filled up your insides, spreading like fire and painted your cheeks bright red. <br/>
It wasn't the first time something like that had happened, of course not, but you still couldn't help but cringe every time that scatterbrain managed to collide with an obviously closed door - preferably at top speed, for maximum damage.</p><p>"Levi!", they whined, stroking the growing bump as they caught up with the remaining members of the hot trio with a bouncy step, almost tripping over their own boots in the process, "Why did you close the door on me?"<br/>
"Because you're too slow, shitty glasses", he scuffed and planted his behind on a chair flanking an unoccupied table on your far left hand side, linking his fingers and propping his chin on his elbows - with Erwin following suit.  <br/>
Whatever their response was, you weren't able to hear it anymore, even though you clearly witnessed them pout and wrinkle their nose with indignation, as your attention started to shift, your gaze following those of dozen others, scattered around the dining hall, just like before. But now the fidgeting cadets weren't only observing Erwin and Levi, but Hange as well. You trailed the piercing gazes back to their origins; young men and women silently admiring the view of all of the commanding officers, faces flushing, fingers fidgeting and lips forming words you couldn't make out. </p><p>
  <em>Jealousy.</em>
</p><p>You didn't want any of them taking in the Section Commander's slender and muscular form like that, feeling them up with their glances, didn't want them to loose themselves in any of those reveries you had dared to indulge in yourself. <br/>
Swiftly the tingling and unnerving emotion coated your skin and and mind like poison, causing your heart to throb painfully. It was selfish, unfair and your fear redundant, since you were well aware Hange's deep seated affection was reserved for you and you only, but you still couldn't help it. <br/>
You found yourself clenching your jaw, grinding your teeth and clutching your hands in prickling anxiety, tuning out every other noise, every other image, than Hange's, now pondering over the documents they had brought, lounging besides Levi, who was just served his daily portion of tea, head lazily propped up on their elbow, silky strands of hair falling into their face, painted with this focused expression. </p><p>In peaceful perfection. </p><p>Witnessed them frowning over a particular section of their reading material, pinching the bridge of their nose, then almost absentmindedly tugging at the loose collar of your blue shirt, before their head perked up and their amber orbs met yours.<br/>
Silence. <br/>
For a few breathless seconds you held each others gentle gazes, both of your lips morphing into a loving smile almost at the same time, a faint blush panting their cheeks, as their exploring glance traveled up and down your form. Seething love boiled up your insides, almost immediately washing away the uncomfortable jealousy.</p><p>"Well, hello there!"</p><p>You were forced to reel back to reality by a raucous voice, by the slender arms connected to the body in possession of it firmly setting a tray down on the wooden table right in front of you, blank but dirty dishes clinging in the process. <br/>
As you unwillingly shifted your attention, tore your eyes away from the now quite curious expression of your lover, you found yourself in the viewfinder of a young cadet with bronze brown messy locks framing his clear-cut features, face displaying a challenging smirk as he leaned closer to you. He was quite tall and for a second time this morning you couldn't help but internally pout over that fact.<br/>
Surprised by his sudden evasion of your personal space, you arched your back in the opposite direction. <br/>
"I know this is probably against some kind of protocol or something", he stroked up the conversation quite oddly, "But would you pretty please be so kind to hand out some seconds, just for me?"<br/>
You couldn't prevent your eyes to squint at his statement - especially his flirty winking. <br/>
"I'm sorry", you answered and gestured towards the now cold and empty soup pot behind you, "But we're out for today."</p><p>You were able to observe how his entire face morphed from a state of anticipation to pure horror, mouth gaping and shoulders hanging and for a brief second he reminded you of Sasha, whenever you told her you were not, in any shape of form, willing to lie to the staff and fetch her a third serving. <br/>
"No way!", he whined and ruffled his hair in - as you hoped - dramatic distress, pupils growing in size, ultimately throwing back his head, "I can't believe I was too late!"<br/>
He completely halted his movements for a moment, while you couldn't help but simply watch him with annoyance and a sliver of curiosity, when suddenly he shoved his face closer to yours a second time, voice dipping quite a few octaves, breath tingling on your skin.<br/>
"You sure you can't just ... ", he whispered, smacking his lips and putting on that carefree facade again, like nothing ever happened, "Check in the back for me or something? There has to be at least something left. Come on, I even said pretty please."</p><p>You resisted the urge to just physically force him to retreat out of your personal space and instead held your ground and whispered back, mimicking his tone.<br/>
"Pretty sure."<br/>
A playful spark could be found in the depths of his clear blue orbs, his mouth twitching.<br/>
"You hurt me, love", he groaned, scratching the back of his neck, but before you were even able to complain about his totally inappropriate use of this pet name, you had just started getting used to hear falling from Hange's lips, he straightened himself, cleared his throat and flexed his arms quite visibly, showing off his poor excuse of a biceps lacking any distinct shape or size, though still making sure your eyes were resting on him.<br/>
"You know, these babies need a lot of fuel."<br/>
Utterly unimpressed by his lazy advances you raised your brows and crossed your own exposed muscular arms in front of your chest, faintly noticing movements in the corner of your eye and as you were just about to express your discomfort with the entire situation, a firm hand grabbed the shoulder of the cadet embarrassing himself in front of you and another face, plastered with pure irritation, appeared beside him and in your field of view.</p><p>"I am so sorry about him."</p><p>The sound of the voice originating from the new arrival, a tall cadet with short blonde hair, barely covering his head, reached your ears, sounding quite ashamed, as you witnessed him clench down on his comrades skin quite painfully, causing him to whine and groan. <br/>
His frisky facade crumbled. <br/>
"Ah, Ben, that hurts!", the taller of the two complained, fruitlessly attempting to shake him off, but he responded by pinching down even harder, coaxing a howl out of his throat.<br/>
"Probably not as much as your painful flirting attempts", the young man named Ben commented, his green colored eyes shooting you a brief glance and you noticed this apologetic sliver beneath his almost stony and otherwise emotionless guise.<br/>
"I'll get that dumbass out of your way", he apologized, "Thank you for the food". <br/>
But he didn't get very far, as another player entered the scene. </p><p>"Can I help you two boys out?"</p><p>
  <em>Hange.</em>
</p><p>Your heart skipped a beat, as the slim form of the Section Commander pushed itself between your table and the young cadets, hands resting behind their back on the wooden surface, spine straightened, their profile wearing a stern expression, eyes focused on the troublemakers in front of them. The way they had positioned their legs and drew themselves up to fully height, to almost loom over them, caused the tight bundled of feelings in your abdomen to tingle. </p><p>
  <em>Protective. Possessive. </em>
</p><p>"If you have any complains about the food, your friendly Section Commander's ears are always open", they offered, nails scraping over the wood until the knuckles turned white, jaw clenched, but still forcing an almost carefree smile, "But I would appreciate it, if you stopped bothering the nice kitchen lady."<br/>
"Section Commander Hange!", the obviously more outgoing of the two barked, face drained of all of it's former colors, eyes widening in astonishment and rapidly jumping back and forth in between your two forms, probably didn't expect someone like them to intervene, "N-no, no complains, everything is just peachy."<br/>
"Then there is no need to keep her from her work, is there?" <br/>
You rendered the smirk plastered on your partner's lips as even more dangerous than any kind of frown or grimace they could have decided to display. </p><p>"We were just leaving", Ben proclaimed, shoving his comrade in the direction of the door leading outside, "Excuse us." <br/>
And with these word and after gifting you behind the Commander a final glance, they were gone, swallowed by the scarce crowd, the silent groaning and barking of the more level headed member of the duo following them until they had left the dining hall.<br/>
Only when the two of them were completely out of sight, you noticed Hange's tense muscles relax, their firm stance crumbled and they exhaled an impressive amount of air, they had held in. <br/>
Slowly, reluctantly at first, driven by the hot feelings of affection and gratefulness coating your heart, you reached out and planted your palm on the small of their back, gently trailing their spine and to your content heard a low hum of approval at your public display of affection leave their throat and they turned around to face you.<br/>
You were greeted with an sheepish grin decorating the Section Commander's face, cheeks slightly flushed and they ran their slender fingers through their messy thatch, like they didn't know where else to put them.</p><p>"Nice kitchen lady?", you asked, your forehead transforming into a wrinkled landscape, "Really?" <br/>
This sole comment of what had just transpired extracted an amused laugh out of their throat and they linked both of their arms behind their neck.<br/>
"Come on, that's the only thing you have to say?", they snickered, "After I probably just saved your life?"<br/>
"Oh, don't be dramatic", you snorted, grasped the opportunity for some playful banter, "I could have handled him myself."<br/>
You nearly choked on your words as Hange bluntly reached out and tenderly took your hand in theirs, bringing it up to their lips to scrape over the bruised knuckles, ultimately planting a small kiss onto them. <br/>
Immediately you noticed the air, the atmosphere around you, shift, as the stares drenched in disbelief, disapproval, something resembling jealously and even anger drilled painfully into your skin, finally connecting the dots of the exchanged shirts and visible love bite and even though you found yourself melting and trembling beneath your partner's soft touch, you coudn't help but worry about the intensity of the reactions you were met with.</p><p>You were sure your partner had to be aware of them as well.</p><p>But seemingly didn't care at all.</p><p>"But what if", Hange purred, hot breath prickling on your skin, their hand trailing up your exposed forearm despite the attention the both of you had already attracted, "I <em>wanted</em> to handle him for you?" <br/>
You gulped down the obstructive bundle of uneasiness resting on top of your tongue, preventing you from answering, fought off the urge to yield and fold underneath their exploring fingers. <br/>
Their amber orbs darkened, while swirling with the former possessiveness you had noticed oozing out of each of their pore earlier.<br/>
"Then I would call you unnecessarily jealous", you uttered under your breath, not only talking to them, but yourself as well, earning you a low chuckle from your partner while you rested your free hand on top of theirs, which had come as far as to the hem of Hange's shirt sitting on your elbow.</p><p>You had committed to this relationship, had committed to all the possible consequences it would bring upon the both of you, you both had been in consensus about that. So his certain sense of ever growing pride and happiness ultimately overshadowed your apprehensions, reaching a point where you were able to even ravel in the stares still prickling in the back of your neck. </p><p>All of them should become aware of the fact they were yours and yours alone.</p><p>"What are you doing here anyways?", you decided to swiftly change the subject, before any of those thoughts morphed into words, "You never show up for breakfast."<br/>
Even though you usually nudged your partner to not skip any of their meals, especially breakfast, since they would need the fuel to last the entire day, they had never followed your line of quite compelling arguments. Just like everything else, they rendered this food intake at specific times as quite irritating as well as annoying. They were usually too absorbed in their work to keep track of the time. <br/>
"A-ah, you know", they stuttered and you were surprised about their drastic shift in behavior, to spot a sliver of uneasiness in their voice as well as their eyes, as they buried their playful and almost courting facade, "Levi just really wanted me to join him for some tea and, well -"</p><p>Immediately you found yourself squinting.</p><p>"Hange, what did you break?"<br/>
Your partner's eyes widened as they held their breath and puffed themselves up in silent indignation.<br/>
"Excuse me!", they exclaimed audibly, "I didn't break anything <em>yet</em>. It's just ..."<br/>
They lowered their head and tuned down their usual so ridiculously loud voice with every spoken word.<br/>
"To be completely honest, they said, we have a meeting about something later and I have no idea what they are talking about", they winced and grimaced with distress painting their cheeks pink, "Please help me out here."</p><p>You blinked at them in plain disbelief. You were aware Hange's brain wasn't able to hold any kind of information they dismissed as useless for a lengthy amount of time, clearly picky about the way they filled up the space their brilliant mind had to offer, so that's why you had started to remember their appointments and meetings for them, to relief them of this burden, but that this would turn out to become a problem this early in your momentary absence, was something you couldn't have foreseen.<br/>
Without even questioning their statement or breaking eye contact, you reached in the small pocket of your uniform jacket and pulled out the small notebook you usually carried around, opened it and skimmed through the pages. Flipped over sketches of Titans, personal drafts of blueprints you would never share, short notes to quick start you own brain if needed and lastly arrived at the calender, consisting of hand drawn vertical and horizontal lines, all dated and timed and with small comments scribbled underneath. The appointments Hange had already ticked off of their - non existent - to-do list you had cleanly crossed out. <br/>
Experienced your fingers found the present day and the sole fixed date you had noted down.</p><p>"Strategic meeting with Erwin, Pixis and Levi at 2", you informed your the Section Commander, who inched their head closer curiously, to be able to take as much as a peek into the small book themselves, "Touching the topic of base building and reclaiming more territory."<br/>
"Man, this is so smart!", Hange chimed, eyes sparkling with pride, "Why didn't I think of that?"<br/>
Firmly you closed the stained pages of the notebook, clear signs of it being used regularly and snapped it against your partner's forehead, drawing a squeal from their throat.<br/>
"Because you would forget to write in it, sunshine", you chuckled, observed how their cheeks glowed in an even darker shade of red, as well as a dumb smirk finding it's way to their lips at the sudden use of this new pet name, which had unexpectedly barged into your mind, while their fingers rubbed the spot on their skin the leather of your calender - also the hard wood of the door earlier - had just connected with. <br/>
This was the most accurate description of what they were for you, what they meant to you, you had been able to come up with; this warm and dazzling, almost blinding, light, brightening up your days, your weeks, your months. You weren't sure if you told them enough how grateful you were about their simple presence in your life.</p><p>With that scorching feeling of love in the back of your head nudging you, you reached out and slid your planner into the pocket of Hange's uniform, patted the bulge it created, allowing your fingers to linger on their chest for maybe a bit too long, clearly sensing the dull, quickening heartbeat right underneath the surface.<br/>
Their curious amber orbs drowning in affection found yours as your gazes connected.<br/>
"I won't be around for a while", you sighed, thumb brushing over the fabric, while your partner covered your hand with their own, a hot palm setting your skin on fire, "So you should hold onto it, to at least know where you're supposed to be while I'm gone. Make sure to actually take a look at it, would you?"<br/>
The Section Commander's features softened, their smirk morphing into an almost melancholic smile, their fingers squeezing yours.<br/>
"I miss you already", they purred, ultimately revealing their intentions, why they had found themselves in the canteen to begin with. Your previously scattered mind put itself back together, with your partner mindfully collecting the pieces and offering them to you. Your two souls, yearning and arching for their counterpart, seemed to interact like a magnet on metal; always finding each other, pulling it's missing half in close whenever possible, without even having much choice in the matter.</p><p>And you wouldn't want it any other way.</p><p>"Me too."</p>
<hr/><p>Levi let out a disapproving grunt, as he observed Hange and the Captain with the sleeves of the Section Commander's shirt rolled up to her forearms, interact in this tender, almost loving way. Always touching and yearning for eye contact, drawing the attention of disappointed and even quite devastated young soldiers scattered across the dining hall, clearly distraught about the fact the eccentric scientist seemed to be that undeniably close to their loyal assistant. <br/>
With a sly smirk resting on his lips he put down his tea cup, saucer clinging as it connected with wood.</p><p>"Would you look at that", he snarled, not lifting the gaze from his friend, smirking and snickering about something inaudible for him, their noticeably smaller conversation partner had just spouted, hands still clasped tightly, "Four-eyes is marking their new claimed territory."<br/>
Erwin's throat escaped a sound resembling a low grunt and even the Captain wasn't sure how to properly categorize the noise.<br/>
"Quite aggressively too, I might add", he agreed with his subordinate, not breaking eye contact with the messy notes the Titan researcher had left scattered all over the table, as they energetically had jumped to their feet, looking for a specific kind of information they had promised to have taken down.</p><p>"You not worried about that?", Levi wanted to know, shooting his partner a glance, "About them with that brat?"<br/>
The question lingered in between the two men for a little while, before the Commander finally decided to perk his head up and meet his friends piercing gaze.<br/>
"If it was someone else, maybe", the voiced his opinion with a strong conviction, "But have you ever heard them talk about something or someone other than her that passionately before? Besides Titans, I mean."<br/>
His words extracted another scuff out of the small man, as he again picked up the tea cup, set it on his lips and let the hot liquid almost burn the insides of his mouth. </p><p>Their swooning over their assistant had indeed been a lot to handle. Whenever they had parted and their mind wasn't busy with running some kind of mental experiment or complicated analysis, they tended to drop small hints of affection or compliments, all uttered under their breath and to no one else in particular and especially without the receiver being there to hear them, in the most Hange-like fashion. Raved over the way the gears of her brain chained themselves so effortlessly to theirs, spouting how quickly she picked up on their teachings - not even mentioning the not so subtle pining over her overall appearance, especially her attractive curves and frame, they had informed their two quite uninterested friends about more than once. </p><p>It had been more than irritating, to basically being able to watch the crush on their assistant grow in size and intensity over the years, while knowing their deep seated insecurities prevented them from ever acting on those budding feelings openly.</p><p>"Tch", Levi scoffed and gulped down another sip of tea, "I don't think they even realized how blatantly obvious they were."</p><p>Both of them shamelessly observed the exchange of small displays of affection, the interaction ultimately coming to an end with the woman behind the counter pushing the scientist's slim rimmed glasses further and more properly up their nose, a warm smile planted on each of their lips, then gently shoving and nudging them to be on their way.</p><p>Almost uncomfortable silence lingered in between Erwin and his subordinate. </p><p>"You think they'll finally shut up about her now?"<br/>
"Not in the slightest."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I have fully recovered and am only behind on the upload a few days, which I'm kinda proud of. I have put TONS of work into this chapter, being the longest one I have ever done and even if a lot of it looks like unimportant banter, there are actually quite a few important hints (and characters) in there about how the story is going to progress.</p><p>Trivia; none this time, but I live for gentle and jealous Hange.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Anticipating</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Did I say, the last chapter was the longest and most time consuming one I have ever done? Well, I take it back</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Section Commander Hange Zoë.</p><p>Like being hypnotized your eyes were glued to the bold letters on the dull golden plate sitting on the upper half of the wooden door to your partner's room, they had transformed into an unhealthy combination of private safe haven and workspace over the years.  <br/>
Even though you had stepped over this exact threshold dozens of times already, on this occasion it felt very different. <br/>
Strange.<br/>
Your mind, you whole being, was throbbing beneath the realization, that you didn't enter with the intend to utilize the professional partial their office had to offer, but to rather shamelessly exploit the furniture they used to relax or sleep on, to make yourself right at home, to revel in their comforting presence. </p><p>Just to be close to them. <br/>
It was the first time you would enter their room not only as their partner, their faithful assistant, but their life partner. Their second half. </p><p>Reluctantly and with an uneasy feeling, you weren't able to shake off for some peculiar reason, nestling in your stomach and twisting your insides, you reached out and hovered your trembling hand cramped to a fist only centimeters above the wood. Noises as well as the warm and inviting light of candles bled through the door crack, licked your boots and the muffled echoes of distant mumbling and hissing reached your ears. <br/>
Unwillingly your lips curled to a gentle smile at the sound of the familiar voice.</p><p>You were able to recall Hange's visit in dining hall this morning quite vividly, their prominent and almost aggressive display of jealously and protectiveness, their loving gaze locking with yours, their fingers faintly brushing your skin and gentle words warming your heart. <br/>
If it had been up to you and if the anxiety of Erwin's simple threatening presence in plain sight hadn't caused the atmosphere to freeze over, you would have asked them to keep you company for a while longer. But you had been aware, both of you had more important matters to attend to and you couldn't argue with it being most responsible to save the mellow touches and pleasantries for your spare time. <br/>
Neither of you had been rather keen about having spectators, even if the first public display of affection, to show off your relationship, had been rather thrilling and preferred the intimacy of your time alone, where you didn't have to worry about dozen curious piercing stares tingling and pricking on your skin. </p><p>So with a heavy heart you had voiced your deep appreciation for your Section Commander's help and lastly had nudged them to leave, to devote themselves to their ever so important Titan research and suggested to rather meet up in their room in the evening to continue the loving exchange, just like you had promised each other.<br/>
Just like you always had for years. <br/>
Just like you still always did.<br/>
And with a last brushing of their soft lips against your bruised knuckles and a promising, almost cheeky, glance, Hange had retreated with your remaining superiors and unshackled the dining hall of the almost onerous and unbearable tension the plain attendance of the hot trio had burdened it with - to your relief without repeating their rather unpleasant encounter with the door. <br/>
Of course, since they had decided to skip all of their meals once more, proofing that even your presence wasn't enough to shake their firm resolve that regular food intakes were a waste of time, you didn't have the pleasure of seeing them again for the rest of the day. You hadn't come across them on your rare errand runs either, even with you taking the risk of unnecessarily circling around theirs and Levi's office, as well as the meeting rooms, to at least catch a glimpse. </p><p>Ultimately you didn't have a choice but to patiently wait, with scorching anticipation clinging to your heart, for your shift, this long day, to end. To stay on your feet until they started to tremble and your muscles to ache. <br/>
Until you distinctly felt the dry sweat glued to your skin to itch and the exhaustion to catch up with you. <br/>
Until the countless pervasive voices of the innumerable cadets morphed into maddening noise, became unbearable and almost too much for your mind to handle. You wouldn't dare to compare your current work with the struggles, the death and the horrors, you were faced with when working for the Survey Corps, being chased by Titans and fearing for your own as well as your fellow soldiers life's, but this job put you through a whole different scenario, one you hadn't encountered on any of your previous missions so far: </p><p>Social overexposure. </p><p>It caused you to miss operating as a Captain and Hange's assistant even more. </p><p>The only person you wanted to have at your side right now, to calm your straining heart, was your partner. And no one else.</p><p>With your confidence refueled, your knuckles ultimately connected with the door and the sudden dull sound caused the noises originating from the inside to cease.</p><p>"Come in!", the Section Commander invited you and you parted the wood from it's frame to gracefully slip your body through the opening it revealed. Immediately you took a deep breath, the familiar scent of your partner reeling you in, encapsulating you and making you feel right at home. <br/>
Hange's room was much more spacious than yours. Every free spot along the walls was occupied by a bookshelf in every shape, form and size, though they still barely held enough space for the countless books, blueprints, binders and loose papers cramped in between the leather bindings, their owner had collected over the years. The dirty ligneous floor was barely visible and almost completely coated by oversized papers, covered with messy sketches, notes and complicated analysis, no one else besides the scientist was able to decipher. <br/>
Almost getting lost underneath the carelessly scattered work materials, was a tatty brown couch sitting underneath the window, the sun behind the glass shamelessly utilizing the chamber as a stage for the dramatic display of it's temporary death in all of its glory, its swap with its counterpart, as well as the small mattress with the crumbled, rarely used, bedding hidden in a gloomy corner.<br/>
At the heart of the whole mess, on the opposite side of the room, sat the Section Commander's broad and sturdy desk, plastered with even more important looking documents and unsteady towers of books, tainted by impressive collections of drops of wax in various colors, unidentified stains and deep indentations on the rough surface. </p><p>It was just like you remembered it, nothing had changed - besides the atmosphere. </p><p>And in between the glorious chaos, occupying the space of one of the two chairs flanking their workspace, lingered Hange, head propped up on their elbow and the weak light of the dancing flames in the dozen dusty lanterns mindfully planted across the room, which caused you to inevitably worry about the fire hazard, reflected in their smudged glasses. You couldn't help but admire their highlighted distinct features, their slender frame throwing a long shadow, those fingers mindfully taping against their cheek, until the head on their slumped over form perked up, a silky strain of hair falling into their forehead, to finally take proper note of their visitor. <br/>
Your heart skipped a beat as your Section Commander's amber orbs located yours, curiously at first, but soon brimming with delight. <br/>
Deep seated affection sparked in the depths of your stomach, spread like a wildfire to every pore and caused your heart to almost burst out of it's confinements. <br/>
Soon you had forgotten why you had felt uneasy in the first place. </p><p>The sensation was so different, yet so familiar at the same time.</p><p>"Good evening, love", Hange chimed and put down their pencil to grant you their undivided attention, to observe you, as you carefully traversed the room, walking around stacks of books and stepping over papers, quietly cursing as you stumbled over a bundle of black wires peeking from underneath the couch, almost knocking over a sloppily tied together bundle of large blueprints leaning against the armrest. <br/>
Your partner's amused snickering at your desperate attempt to close the distance between you, reached your ears and morphed your lips into a pout. <br/>
Your several requests and pleas, to at least try to bring order into their work- and living space, had fallen on deaf ears. Hange had always emphasized with that sweet apologetic smile decorating their features, that they weren't in fact sinking into total chaos, as you preferred to call it, but rather insisted that they had successfully established their own perception of order. <br/>
And after countless attempts, to make as much as a dent into all those mountains of papers piling up, nearly getting lost in the sea of documents, you ultimately had been forced to admit defeat. </p><p>So sooner rather than later you had become accustomed to it, like to any other of their curious antics. </p><p>With you now almost being in arms length of your partner, they couldn't help but reach out invitingly, longingly, with you following suit, your fingers brushing, tangling and palms connecting, until they decided to pull you in firmly. <br/>
A quiet gasp escaped your lips, while you tumbled into their arms, knees colliding with the chair, as they had their legs lazily pulled up into a tailor fashion. At long last being close enough to feel their hot breath tingling on your skin, they didn't waste any time and sweetly planted a tender kiss on your cheek. Immediately you sensed your face heating up and changing color, your vocal cords vibrating beneath a hum of approval, as your eyes briefly fluttered shut and reveled in their warm attention. </p><p>The world started to feel whole again, beautifully real, as your two halves snapped together.</p><p>"Good to see you too", you mumbled, a smirk tugging at the corner of your lips, as you squeezed their hands in return and pulled back to be able to take a better look at their face flushed with excitement and contentment. <br/>
"Since I didn't get to see you at dinner", you jokingly scolded them, immediately noticing their features morphing into an irritated mask, observed the gears in their brain operating, as they were wrapping their head around the intention of your comment.<br/>
"Was I supposed to be there?", they questioned themselves rather than you and before you were able to grant them an answer, their amber orbs suddenly widened to the size of plates that stared you down, hands gripping onto your shoulders. <br/>
"Hold on, were those guys pestering you again?", the Section Commander snarled, the eyes carrying that dangerously piercing glance behind the slim rimmed glasses faintly scorching with anger, "Just tell me, I'll beat them up!"</p><p>Snorting with laughter at their reaction you peeled their fingers off of your body to clasp them calming in between yours instead and gifted them something resembling a reassuring smile. <br/>
"There is no need to beat up innocent cadets, sunshine", you chuckled, noticed how their tense form and muscles relaxed at the sound of your words, that nickname they visibly seemed to enjoy, <br/>
"I was just hoping you would maybe, you know, eat something for a change?"</p><p>The Section Commander's face froze over and their lips escaped a defeated sigh, as they freed their hands out of your gentle hold, to turn their attention back to the messy bulk of papers decorating their desk, they had been mulling over up until now. Worry began to overshadow the mellow mood like a cloud pushing in front of the sun and curiously you took a peek over their shoulder, to at least try to grasp what had been tantalizing their brilliant mind to this vast extent. <br/>
It was a rare to witness them being this overwhelmed with a task they had been assigned.<br/>
"I'm sorry", they apologized, pen vigorously scratching out a full sentence on the neatly inscribed loose page right on top of the pile, "I didn't realize how late it was already."<br/>
"That's what I feared."<br/>
"This thing", they basically spat out the words, "Is really consuming all of my brainpower."</p><p>In an attempt to lift their spirits, as well as to return some of the tender affections directed at you, you gently wrapped your arms around Hange's neck from behind, coaxing a surprised gasp, accompanied by a snicker out of their throat, as your fingers bravely explored their exposed collarbone, lastly tugging at the loose collar of your own shirt still clinging to their body.<br/>
Persistently ignoring the effects of their sweet sounds and feel of their bare skin right underneath your fingertips had on your body.<br/>
Moving their messy ponytail out of the way, you comfortingly rested your chin on their shoulder, clearly sensing the familiar warmth oozing off of them. <br/>
That familiar smell of ash and damp wood nestled in your nose.</p><p>"What exactly are you working on?", you wanted to know, not able to make sense of any of the sentences you were able to pierce together from the complicated documents.<br/>
"The Garrison wants production of equipment to be handled in the interior from now on, rather than wasting our own manpower, as they call it", the Section Commander began to explain, while their fingers were utilizing the back of their pen to batter it repeatedly against the wooden table in an almost rhythmic fashion,<br/>
"They have already suggested manufacturers and suppliers, but they need the Survey Corps and the Military Police's permission before they're allowed to sign a contract, since all of our gear has to be handled the exact same way."<br/>
You weren't able to see it, but could tell from the distant shift in the tone of their voice that they were gritting their teeth in frustration.<br/>
"And now Erwin wants ME to skim this contract, check the conditions and write up an in depth survey about use of materials and -"</p><p>Abruptly Hange stopped their rant, their hands movements ceasing and decided to rather push their smudged glasses higher up their nose, to be able to pinch the bridge in mute distress. <br/>
"I'm sorry, love, I'm talking too much, am I?"<br/>
With a mellow smile resting on your lips you planted them on the exposed skin right underneath their ear, reveling in the vibration of their deep content hum of appreciation they rewarded your action with. <br/>
"Not at all", you assured them, fingers boldly trailing their collarbone again in an honest effort to calm your partner, "Go on."<br/>
They had aided and guided your anxious mind through countless tough and panic filled situations before, it was only fair you at least tried to return the favor, even if it was by just listening to them rambling. <br/>
Like you had unscrewed a valve they deflated their lungs with another defeated sigh, visibly glad about your words.</p><p>"It's just", they continued, leaning back against your shoulder and clamped the pen behind their left ear, a rather new habit you had witnessed them picking up, "Barely half of this is my field of expertise. And he wants it to be done by Wednesday, too, that's barely a week. I have no idea why he thinks I'm the right person for this job."<br/>
Gradually wiggling out of that irritated and dissatisfied, almost angry, state of mind, attempting to reel back to their usual carefree self, they forced their throat to release a miserable excuse for a chuckle. <br/>
"I mean, all that I - we, pardon me - usually do, is analyze Titan shit."<br/>
Swiftly grasping the opportunity to squeeze that last bit off uneasiness out of their system unraveling before you, you couldn't help but comment, with a smirk decorating your features:<br/>
"Hange, Titans don't have a digestive system."</p><p>Oppressive silence occupied the space between you, as their brain was processing your cheeky interjection.</p><p>Then your partner burst out laughing and the satisfying sound of their voice expressing crystal clear content was music to your ears. It quickly morphed into a giggle, intercepted by more occasional spurts of laughter, while they wiped the happy tears from their eyes and a certain sense of pride was coating your heart like honey just as quick as the apprehension was dripping off of their tense shoulders. </p><p>Love.</p><p>"You know", Hange chuckled, freeing themselves out of your gentle hold, to be able to turn on their chair and lock their amber orbs with yours. They were brimming and sparkling with affection behind the smudged glasses, their cheeks flushed, tears still glistening in the corner of their eyes.<br/>
"This is why you're my favorite assistant."<br/>
"I'm your only assistant."<br/>
"So sassy", they snorted, slender fingers finding your chin and you felt your confident facade crumbling, when they dragged their thumb across your bottom lip, slightly parted it from it's twin, "And Sina, so very distracting."</p><p>Their sudden hushed and hoarse voice in combination with their soft touches caused the tight knot in your stomach to twist and ache, to send goosebumps traveling over your skin, your hands to tremble and to nearly move on their own accord, as the imagination of pulling your partner in closer to sink and drown their and your worries by getting lost in a passionate kiss started to manifest. <br/>
You had to act, distract yourself, otherwise your body yearning for them wouldn't be able to hold back.<br/>
"Then how did your first day without your favorite distracting assistant go?", you sheepishly asked, struggling to escape their exploring gaze. </p><p>But they immediately took the bait.</p><p>"Oh, it was awful!", they exclaimed dramatically, disconnecting their hands from you to stretch their stiff limbs, indicating they had been lounging in the very same unhealthy seating position for a long while, until they coaxed a content mewl out of their own throat, cracking one eye open to keep track of your reaction to them flexing their firm muscles right in front of you, like their brain always running on it's highest capacity wasn't able to shake off the incident from this morning,<br/>
"I was so convinced you would be taking notes at the meeting earlier, I forgot to take any myself. Erwin will be so pissed."<br/>
"And that's the reason why I'M usually in charge of the notebook", you announced, reluctantly freed your eyes from the attractive sight and took the opportunity of them not guarding their chest with their arms, to attempt to snatch the appointment calender, you had left with them earlier, peeking out of their breast pocket before they were able to stop you. </p><p>"Speaking of which."</p><p>Against your initial conviction, that they hadn't even paid it any mind, your theft actually only a cheeky approach to start some playful banter to lighten the mood, you were surprised to observe their eyes widen, like you were about to catch them in the act, as you passed the small book around your hands, noticing a blank piece of paper sticking out from between the stained pages. Curiously you skimmed through them, skipping out of your partner's reach, as they were trying to reclaim it.<br/>
 <br/>
You didn't remember leaving any bookmarks. </p><p>"Oh, I thought you didn't use it", you commented, nearly stumbling over the bundle of blueprints on your way to the couch a second time, undeniably caused by your eyes being glued to the notebook rather than to your environment and flopped your behind on top of the cushions or more precisely the scarce space between a tumbled stack of books and a small mountain of blankets. <br/>
"What I said was, that I didn't take any notes", Hange sheepishly repeated their words and as you shot them a brief glance you witnessed them scratching the back of their neck, avoiding eye contact and foolishly pretending to be busy with piling up the papers they had been working on. You could have sworn to spot a faint flush painting their cheeks pink.</p><p>"Then what did you ...?"</p><p>The small ripped piece of paper slipped out from among the pages and onto your lap, your gaze scanning the formerly clean structure you had drawn, with the intend to utilize it as the Section Commander's appointment calender, now overshadowed by an overwhelming amount of new letters, words and sketches, carelessly written over the, at least ticked off, reminder of their meeting they had attended. It took you a breathless second, your heartbeat quickening with excitement and crystal clear affection, to realize what Hange had taken down; <br/>
Names. Countless nicknames spread over the entirety of the page from top to bottom, a handful fairly sloppy and barely readable, only taking a very scarce amount of space. Others were displayed in big bold letters, the pen almost ripping the paper in the process.<br/>
To top it all off, your partner had decorated the results of their baffling brainstorming with either tiny hearts or sketches of happy little baby titans. You could spot one or two serious, but ultimately discarded attempts, to actually follow the direction the discussion at the meeting was going, they had eventually firmly crossed out and rather morphed into a large display of your real name in the center, all their potential candidates for nicknames circling around it. </p><p>"Hange", you gasped in surprise, your mind unable to grasp the quantity of affection and passion dripping and oozing off of the two pages unfolding before you, let alone form coherent words or sentences.<br/>
It was difficult to make out your partner's messy handwriting, but some of the names did stand out to you; Munchkin. Kitten. Daisy. Baby Girl. Angel. Shmoopie.<br/>
Short Cake. <br/>
Your own face was flushed with embarrassment as well as emotion as you located your partner's orbs, a dumb smile plastered on their lips as they observed your reaction, their upper body whipping back and forth, with their hands clasping tightly onto their thighs in anticipation and this tight bundle of scorching feelings, dedicated only to them, send hot waves of pure love traveling over your skin in form of goosebumps. </p><p>The amount of thought they had put into this was overwhelming.</p><p>"You like them?", they snickered and crooked their head, two fingers tapping their glasses, "My personal favorite is Short Cake."<br/>
"No, not happening", you protested, making an effort to take a better look at the page again, to identify any of the other names, as you tried to bring it closer to a more prominent light source, "You have so many other nicknames to choose from now, pick another one."<br/>
Hange jumped to their feet, the floorboards creaking in protest underneath their weight, lastly abandoning their work and skillfully traversed around the familiar clutter decorating their room with the grace of a cat, avoiding even as much as brushing it, closing the distance between you to join you on the couch.<br/>
Your partner sunk into the cushions right besides you and your breathing quickened, mind fogging up, as warm hands started to feel for your waist, snaking around it and pulling you in closer, a chin ultimately coming to rest on your shoulder, just like you had done earlier, the rim of their glasses colliding with your ear and silky strains of hair tickling your cheek. </p><p>Your trembling hands suddenly had trouble keeping a hold onto the notebook with your partner being this close, as an obstructive knot formed in your stomach, twisted and turned and a certain familiar as well as embarrassing need pooled in form of wetness at your core.<br/>
Secretly you yearned for their slender fingers to explore the soft skin beneath your shirt, rather than their hot palms almost burning through the fabric, to trail and scrape over it while their hoarse voice whispered sweet nothings into your ear. <br/>
You couldn't help but shiver at the blooming reverie. It was ridiculous how easily they managed to rile you up, without even putting in much effort. And it seemed to become worse with every other touch, the desire piling and building up sky high.</p><p>"Someone sure is picky", they purred right beside your ear, causing a breath to hitch in your throat, Hange's as well as your orbs now scanning the fully scribbled pages simultaneously.<br/>
Comfortable silence nestled among you, your thumb absentmindedly brushing over the paper, feeling ever stroke of the pen they had performed, the other gently caressing one of the Section Commander's arms circled tightly around your waist.<br/>
Soon your eyes got caught on a collection of words standing out from the rest, messily underlined. </p><p>
  <em>'Impossible to decide, all of those fit you so well'</em>
</p><p>You couldn't help but chuckle at the comment in mute embarrassment, your insides quickly filling up with scorching love and affection, as the bundle of feelings in the back of your mind cracked, releasing an almost overwhelming stream of emotions to encapsulate and drown your heart. <br/>
How did you get so lucky? What did you do to deserve this bright and bubbly person caring for you so deeply and faithfully? </p><p>"You don't have to decide right away", Hange ultimately shattered the silence, voice hoarse, acting like they had just burdened you with some kind of life changing decision, "Since we won't have much time for each other this week, there's no rush."<br/>
 For a moment freezing disappointment and a gush of sadness almost extinguished the flames burning inside of you, threatening to leave you cold and empty, only the ever pounding thought reminding you, that your separation would only be temporary, keeping it ablaze. <br/>
"I am really sorry about that", they expressed their own discomfort with the situation, uttering the words, "But I have to hand this in depth survey in on time. Erwin is already stressed out enough as it is."<br/>
"I know, don't worry about it", you breathed, absentmindedly, almost melancholic, flipping through the pages of the notebook, scanning the countless entries you had left for your partner, your guilt piling equally with your mental count of their workload. with every other upcoming appointment, until you reached the day in question.</p><p>Wednesday.</p><p>"But I promise", Hange continued, pulling you in closer and planting lazy kisses on your neck, hovering over the love bite they had already marked you with, resulting in you to squirm in their grasp, as you couldn't shake off the illusion of their lips setting your skin on fire, "As soon as I'm done, I'm all yours."<br/>
You couldn't prevent your vocal cords from releasing a content noise resembling a moan, their whispered, rather suggestive, promise echoing in your brain, spurring your vivid imagination, which flooded your mind with phantasies, you didn't want your partner to notice you had.<br/>
Your whole body was vibrating with anticipation.</p><p>Before you were able to respond the Section Commander peeled themselves off of you, sitting more upright next to you on the couch, resurfacing that pen from behind their ear, threatening to get lost in their voluminous thatch and snatched the notebook out of your hands.<br/>
Curiously you observed them scratch out every appointment you had noted down for Wednesday, only to fill up the gaps with several copies of your name and each letter noted down, your face heated up by another degree.<br/>
Proudly Hange showed off their work by bringing the tiny book up to your eye level as soon as they were done, leaning forward, revealing their handwriting occupying every bit of free space the page had to offer, a dumb smirk curling their lips.<br/>
"See?", they made sure you actually laid your eyes on their creation, observed with a satisfying expression how your cheeks changed colors, "It's even in the book now, so it's official."</p><p>You let yourself get swept up in their enthusiasm, their burning passion, the force of nature that was Hange Zoë, your own body absorbing and mirroring their eager aspiration. </p><p>"I will hold you to that."</p>
<hr/><p>What had started as a cheeky little exchange, one of Hange's wild and bizarre ideas, soon turned into something completely different.</p><p>Even though you awoke to the sight of an empty bed again the next morning, after spending the entire evening cuddled up in each others arms, reveling in mutual gentle affections and touches, lastly lulled to sleep by the calming sound of soft breathing and beating hearts, your confidence in the relationship you had started to build stood firm this time. <br/>
You were aware the Section Commander didn't leave you behind because of an ill intend or them not valuing your time together, but rather reproached their duty calling them and that always busy mind of theirs circling around their workload constantly, especially this week, where they couldn't rely on your aid as their assistant as well. </p><p>You didn't blame them in any way. You did have that slim hope your simple presence would cause them to at least try to rest a little longer, but at the same time were not surprised that you didn't succeed.</p><p>As you drowsily tugged the heavy blanket away to stretch your limbs you noticed from the corner of your eye the prominent brown color of your notebook, placed on the mattress on the exact spot where your partner's body had rested the night before, almost hidden underneath the white bedsheets. You leaned over to take a closer look and could identify the opened up page displaying today's date in your own neat handwriting, which had sloppily been crossed out and labeled as "Day 2" instead, the bold and rather ominous heading decorated with a tiny heart. <br/>
The messy sketches from the day before were almost bleeding through the pages.<br/>
You furrowed your brows in mute irritation, a bang of frustration exploding in your chest, annoyed at the fact your partner's head seemed to be so far up in the clouds, they had managed to leave the appointment calender you had just convinced them to keep, behind; <br/>
Until the realization hit you. And the negative feelings morphed into an adrenalin shower prickling on your skin. </p><p>Day 2. Today was in fact the second day of the both of you officially dating. They had planted the notebook for you to find on purpose.<br/>
Your guess was only strengthened by the little note your life partner had scribbled right underneath the fixed date and carelessly across an already ticked off appointment:</p><p>
  <em>'Sorry, had to scram, didn't want to wake you. Today will be very busy, but I hope I get to see you later? P.S. Did you know that you snore in your sleep? It's cute.'</em>
</p><p>Beneath the message they had drawn a shaky line with a little cross marking the spot where they most likely anticipated you to construct an answer.<br/>
It was a game. One of your playful banters. A sweet attempt to ease your worries and calm your temporary yearning for the scientist, by creating this illusion of closeness, of togetherness, while actually being apart. <br/>
A blush clawed it's way up your neck just as fast as a bright smile reached your lips. Without hesitation you grabbed the pencil conveniently placed in the crack of the book, to make use of the space your partner had left for you, dragging the carbon across the paper to create letters.</p><p>
  <em>'Only because you asked so nicely. Also, if you don't eat anything again today, I will stuff the food in your mouth personally.'</em>
</p><p>The tip of the pen hovered over the page, while your mind wasn't able to construct a proper finish for your answer. It took you a hot minute of impatient battering of the pointy carbon against the rough surface, before you finally decided on something just as cheeky: </p><p>
  <em>'P.S. Did you know that you drool, even when you're awake? Also very cute.'</em>
</p><p>You couldn't help but huff and chuckle at your own joke, while your eyes scanned your little exchange and with a prickling sensation encapsulating your heart you asked yourself once more, how you had managed to get this lucky. </p>
<hr/><p>It turned out the little game Hange had kicked off actually kept the both of you more busy than the official tasks you had been assigned. Distracted you, to be more precise. <br/>
For the whole concept of the notebook and the shared messages to work, you had to exchange it quite frequently, so the other could read them and reply accordingly. So more and more often you wiggled yourself free from your duties, tried to find ways to leave your workspace, snuck out of the kitchen, the dining hall, to take a quick scroll around the meeting rooms, the research center, Levi's or Erwin's office, with tense anticipation to come across your partner. </p><p>Found your fingers frequently planted on the pocket of your uniform jacket, patting it, the fabric concealing and keeping the book close to your heart at the same time.</p><p>Whenever you actually managed to run into each other, you kept your meetings brief. Hands touching and fingers brushing whenever you silently took the notebook out of the other persons hands or their breast pocket. A gifted smile, a soft chuckle, a knowing gaze. A quick peck on the lips, you couldn't get enough of, which coaxed one out of many different variations of soft sounds from your throat every time - to Hange's quite visible approval. </p><p>The nature of the written words you exchanged shifted on a daily basis. Rants, banter, jokes, sometimes little drawings and compliments. Lots of the "I miss you" and "I'm thinking about you", usually originating from the Section Commander. It wasn't only you suffering from your time apart, but them as well. Especially not even being able to spend time with each other at night like you always did, hit you harder than you had anticipated. <br/>
You still showed up to see your partner every evening, only to find them drowning in this ever growing chaos that was their room, mulling over mountains of papers and samples of materials, only able to gift you a tired and apologetic smile, as you rested on the couch to work with them in comfortable silence, to at least keep them company and to ease a small part of their burden.  </p><p>The night usually ended with them falling asleep at their desk, head dropped onto their linked arms or cheek glued to the wooden surface, leaving you to cover them with a blanket and kill the lights, laying down on the otherwise empty mattress in the corner of the room by yourself to try and get some rest as well.</p><p>Only one week, that was what you kept telling yourself, while handing out food rations and scrubbing plates, floors and tables day in and day out and scraping together the last pieces of your and Hange's sanity at night to keep pushing through. <br/>
Only one week and everything would hopefully turn back to being normal. <br/>
Familiar.<br/>
But as the week progressed, the dozen meetings only began to drag on even longer, your partner sometimes gone for hours straight without catching a break, the time frames between the exchanges of the notebook grew wider, the messages became shorter and the lack of sleep plastered on the Section Commander's face, whenever you met them, more and more prominent. </p><p>
  <em>Anxiety.</em>
</p><p>You started to make sure to visibly count the days whenever it was your turn to write, to choose lighthearted topics for conversations and to decorate your letters with, undeniably rough, drawings and sketches similar to the ones they usually did.<br/>
To remind them this wouldn't go on forever. That things would start to look up sooner or later. </p><p>And Hange really appreciated your efforts.</p><p>With the days flying by, the book slowly started to resemble the beginning of a diary. A documentation of the steady development of your relationship, the growth, similar to the logs Hange filled out to keep track of the results of their countless extensive and precise tests. <br/>
Others would might be offended by that, that they seemed to treat your relationship like some kind of experiment, but you were aware their mind was simply wired differently and that they didn't mean any harm - actually quite the opposite.<br/>
You called yourself lucky they put just as much, if not even more, effort into what the both of you had than their Titan research. </p><p>Ultimately you managed to get through the week with your pride and mental health barely in tact, scraping the pieces off of the floor to pierce them back together, to be ready to face your partner.</p><p>You were overjoyed as you were finally able to push open the door to their room, on the evening of your last day; but not with the intend to burden them with even more work. <br/>
Not with the freezing worry filling you up of witnessing Hange's slumped over form at their desk, pushing their mental capabilities to their limits. <br/>
But burning with the scorching anticipation of rewarding each other for your hard work, of celebrating your reunion and to begin preparing, looking forward to actually being able to be scientist and assistant again from tomorrow on.</p><p>Persistently you brushed the ever lingering worry, that piercing anxiety, of Erwin's decision regarding your rank aside; This was a problem for another day. <br/>
Today your undivided attention would be with your partner. </p><p>You were greeted by a loudly snickering Hange snatching your form off of the ground, as soon as you had stepped over the threshold, spinning you around in a wide circle, before pulling you into a bone crushing hug, plastering your face with kisses, causing you to squeal and laugh at their loving passion, spouting over and over again:<br/>
"We made it, we made it!"</p><p>On the neatly stacked tower of papers, they had worked on the entirety of the week, on top of their desk sat the opened up battered notebook with the stained and bent pages full of tender words formed with coal, displaying the paper filled with the dozen, by now circled, copies of your name underneath today's date replaced by </p><p>
  <em>'Day 8'.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>As soon as the initial adrenalin, happiness and passion had worn off, the exhaustion and strains from last week had started to catch up with you. Without insisting on changing clothes or taking a bath this time, limiting it to at least removing boots, harness and uniform jacket, much to Hange's approval, you had flopped your heavy body onto the Section Commander's pathetic excuse for a sleeping place, leaning against the wall, longingly reaching out to invite your partner to join you. <br/>
With a smirk resting on their lips and their cheeks painted pink, they had allowed you to catch them in your gentle embrace, pulling them in, their thighs straddling your legs to make themselves as comfortable as possible. <br/>
Soon your fingers were trailing up and down their spine, your free hand caressing the back of their neck, while their head rested on your chest, vibrating with your own hums of warm content, their throat occasionally escaping soft noises of comfort which caused goosebumps to travel over your skin. <br/>
Their eyes were fluttered shut as they reveled in your tender affections, arms circled around your waist.</p><p>They deserved the rest, they deserved to be coddled. They cared so much about others, constantly cared so much about you, it was just about time you at least tried to regularly return the attention they always gifted you.<br/>
The both of you had yearned for each others touch and warmth for days, so neither of you spoke a word for what felt like hours, simply exchanging slow and tender kisses, dragging skin over skin, noses brushing against each other, conveying mute promises only audible for you and them and no one else.</p><p>"Kitten", you uttered in between kisses, as Hange disconnected their lips from yours, reluctantly brought some distance between your faces, to be able to let their amber orbs drowning in brightly brimming emotions behind the spotted glasses locate yours.<br/>
"Mh?", they simply huffed, curiously.<br/>
"The nickname", you explained, remembering your promise from last week to choose one of the several pet names, Hange had offered to call you, "I uh, actually really like that one."<br/>
The entire atmosphere in the room seemed to shift, was weirdly thick and heavy, as your partner simply stared you down, processing the answer you had just presented to them and you noticed a playful spark mixing with something else swirling in their eyes.</p><p>
  <em>Desire.</em>
</p><p>"How convenient", they chuckled, brought their face closer again, hands almost unnoticeable traveling from your back over your waist to your stomach, causing your heart to hammer painfully against the insides of your ribcage. <br/>
You were slightly taken aback by their sudden change in demeanor, but just as equally excited.<br/>
"Cause I really like that one too. Want to know why?", they purred, planting another soft, though slightly more firm, kiss to your lips and you immediately granted them easier access to deepen the intimate contact by parting them, allowed their tongue to connect and play with yours, felt your cheeks heat up and your hands sitting on their hips to sweat and tremble. <br/>
In slow passion you dragged out the kiss for as long as possible, Hange's fingers roaming and boldly finding it's way underneath your shirt, nails softly scraping and stroking the skin. <br/>
You couldn't prevent yourself from mewling into their mouth at the unexpected touch you had secretly yearned for and steadily felt that familiar urge building up, clawing it's way up your insides, leaving a slick wetness pooling between your legs. </p><p>Soon you were forced to pull back to gasp for air, your throat escaping another soft moan as you were now clearly able to spot the need darkening your Commander's amber orbs, almost resulting in your own to roll in the back of your head, while the anticipation of what was about to come, mixing with the fantasies provoked by their hot palms on your bare stomach, overwhelmed you.</p><p>"Sina, you should listen to yourself", Hange groaned, their hot breath tingling on your cheek, before they placed another kiss beneath your earlobe, "These sounds whenever I touch you. They are so fucking intoxicating, you know that?"</p><p>Without giving you time to answer their lips teasingly moved to your neck, granting the faintly faded love bite they had already bestowed upon you special attention, causing your back to arch into their touch, spurring the intensity of their firm grip on your waist, their rough palms on your bare skin underneath the shirt.<br/>
"Hange", you whined, the stifled outcry almost swallowing the letters and helplessly clawed at their shoulder blades, while their traveling tongue chased the trail of your rapidly quickening pulse along your aorta, boldly dragged it across the crook of your neck, until it reached your collarbone.<br/>
"Exactly like that", they uttered breathlessly, voice trembling and vibrating against your skin, lips pressed down more firmly, <br/>
"Do that again."</p><p>
  <em>Pleading.</em>
</p><p>To your disapproval they decided to peel their exploring hands from your waist to impatiently tug at the hem of your shirt instead, before steadily moving upwards, over your stomach and to your chest.<br/>
"I love the way you moan my name."<br/>
Their deep voice was hoarse, husky and dripping with crystal clear desire.</p><p>"I want to hear all the sweet sounds you make, little kitten."</p><p>More of that hot slick wetness immediately pooled between your legs, coated your inner folds and you almost felt it ooze and drench your underwear. You became overly aware of your partner's legs straddling your thighs, burdening you with their weight and of the closeness of their own core to yours, couldn't stop imagining the prominent display of their attractive and muscular naked body on top of you being unveiled, once they lost those obstructive layers of clothing. <br/>
Could already feel their slender fingers pushing into your invitingly pulsating heat, hitting all the right spots with ease, while their amused and content chuckles at your reaction vibrated against your mouth, eagerly catching every gasp and whine of pleasure escaping it with their own, rendering you defenseless and completely at your Section Commander's mercy.</p><p>Just like you had experienced it in your reveries countless times before.</p><p>There was no way you would be able to stop yourself from going all the way this time, even if Erwin himself barged through the door right now, their teasing and flirting and touching you all over, the purred mellow words were simply too much for your body and mind to handle. <br/>
To resist any longer.<br/>
Unexpectedly they started to unbutton your shirt, unbearably slow, popping button after button, until your moderately sized breasts, still trapped in a simple black bra, your frantically heaving chest, were revealed to them, the sight immediately grabbing their attention. </p><p>The tight knot forming in your stomach twisted and turned almost painfully, send waves of scorching and electrifying emotions flooding and filling up your form, causing you to sweat and tremble.<br/>
There was no turning back. Hange and you wanted this so badly, the sexual tension was just about tangible and the sounds of stifled panting originating from the both of you occupied the scarce space between you, rapidly impregnating the air in the room. </p><p>"Are you really fine with that?", your partner whispered like they had been reading your mind, loosening their tight grip on the fabric of your shirt and tearing their hungry gaze away from your exposed chest, in case you weren't, a flicker of uncertainty distorting their voice. Their hips and abdomen were pressed so firmly against yours, the rough seams of your shirt on their body were brushing against the swell of your breasts as they inched even closer.</p><p>"Hange", you mumbled, feared to drown and lose yourself in those amber orbs staring you down, observing each twitch of your facial features in tense anticipation of your answer. You appreciated them asking for your consent, instead of mindlessly charging in headfirst like they usually did, but your sky high approval of the situation you had found yourself in, should be blatantly obvious to them at this point.</p><p>Gently you reached out and got a hold on the temples of their glasses, obstructing your clear view of their attractive eyes and swiftly removed them, leaving them groaning and squinting in surprise. <br/>
Carefully you placed them on the ground besides the mattress, never breaking eye contact, clasping your hands behind their back to hold them in place. </p><p>Those would only get in the way.</p><p>You didn't want them to go anywhere. You didn't want them to stop. You finally wanted to experience the sensation of their bare skin covered in sweat on yours, a scenario you had dreamed of for years. <br/>
Especially as the reality, you had found yourself in, was painted with brighter and more colorful emotions than you could have ever imagined. </p><p>"Please, don't hold back."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Before you take out your torches and your pitchforks; this won't be a 'fade to black' kind of situation, the chapter was just getting WAY to long and I needed some more time to construct the smut scene properly and appealingly. I hope you enjoy the little teaser tho.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Pleasuring</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>NSFW ahead. No kinky stuff, we only do tender lovemaking in this house.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A little disclaimer before we dive right in, since this chapter is going to be heavily explicit and I've gotten comments about this topic before:<br/>Please note that I'm first and foremost writing this story as a treat and comfort for myself and I'm only sharing it here. And even though I try to exclude descriptions of the Reader as often as possible, it sometimes just can't be avoided. So when I have to choose, I will describe the Reader how I feel most comfortable with it/can relate with the most.<br/>I'm aware, I can't cater to everyone's needs like that, but that's simply not my intend. I apologize for my selfishness at this point.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The air smelled like sex.</p><p>Your final whispered permission, your secret plea, pending and lingering among you, had stirred the atmosphere into something even thicker than honey. Hange's flushed face plastered with delight transformed to display a more challenging expression, which caused you to hold your breath in tense anticipation. You had kicked this game off, had unleashed the unpredictable force of nature that was your partner and now you had to face the consequences.</p><p>Hushed letters, a single word drenched with need fell from their lips:</p><p>"<em>Strip</em>."</p><p>A cold shiver ran down your spine and the hot desire spread into your every pore, your slick juices noticeably oozing and dripping from between your folds and into your underwear, while you disapprovingly observed your partner push themselves off of you. Their hands stroked across your exposed collarbone as they moved backwards, down your arm, lastly molding into yours, firmly tugging to peel your back off the wall and flopped back onto the mattress, lazily stretching their slender limbs - never breaking eye contact in the process. Hypnotized you matched their movements, let yourself get swept up in their mute passion, dropping onto your slightly parted knees between their legs, inaudible pants scratching and clawing at the insides of your throat, yearning to be released.</p><p>Your Commander's expectant glance burned itself into your flesh.</p><p>They had already almost undone your shirt, rendering your assignment easy, since all that was left for you to do, was to slowly brush the rough yellow fabric off of your shoulders, to catch it falling in the small of your back and carelessly toss it aside.<br/>
You sensed Hange's eyes feeling you up, as they moved from your broad shoulders, over your chest and down to your toned abdomen, the faint patch of peach hair right underneath your navel and their fingers were twitching ever so slightly, squeezing their own thighs. <br/>
A smirk found it's way to your lips at the sight of the usually so rowdy and straightforward scientist biting their lip, their nostrils de- and inflating due to shaky drawn breaths, clearly exercising restraint.</p><p>Only because of you.</p><p>So you boldly decided to throw every last sliver of shame and embarrassment, that had persistently been clinging to your heart, overboard and put on a little show for them, to rile them up as much as possible, to be able to observe more of their enticing display of quivering reserve - just like their own plain words had done to you.<br/>
Invitingly you pushed your clothed chest forward, while you slid the bra straps down your bare arms, caressing them in the process. Unbearably slow, one after the other and slipped out of them, until you were able to reach around your own body to undo the clasp sitting on your spine.<br/>
Hange seemed to be vibrating with lust, their breath quickening, a hungry gazed glued to your breasts, while you finally freed them from their final restraint, nipples quickly stiffening in the cold air and tossed the bra in the general direction of where your neglected shirt had gone.</p><p>Before you could taunt them with that cheeky comment, which was already pressing down on your vocal cords, half lidded eyes locating their clouded amber orbs, they released a husky "Shit" and dived towards their object of desire. Energetically they planted their rough palms on your abs, the muscles tensing and trembling beneath them and lips connected with your sternum, steadily traveling upwards to the areola of your left breast.<br/>
This unfamiliar sensation of their mouth and hands on your fully unveiled upper body led to a hoarse moan escaping you and instinctively you arched your back into the touch, a hand grabbing a fistful of their hair to keep their head in place, as their occasionally darting tongue painted a trail of saliva across your skin, lastly circling the stiff tip, before swiftly taking it into their mouth.<br/>
These first intimate contacts were electrifying, your dazzled mind becoming overly aware of every little movement, each one of them painfully tightening the knot in your stomach further and causing your core to pulsate with scorching need.</p><p>Your eyes fluttered shut, you throat spouting small mewls, while they were lewdly sucking on your mount, roaming hands finding and cupping both of them, ultimately releasing the nipple with a silent popping noise.<br/>
Satisfied with the weight resting in their palms, they gently massaged the soft flesh, driving your already frantic pulse even higher, a thumb teasingly flicking and fingers pinching the wet bud they had just abandoned.<br/>
"You up for a little experiment, kitten?", they uttered breathlessly, lowering their head once more to switch targets, tongue lapping and sucking at the sensitive body part, making sure to evenly coat both of your nipples with their spittle, temporarily rendering you unable to respond.<br/>
Embarrassingly effortless they squeezed another groan of pleasure as well as irritation out of you.</p><p>"Really, Hange? Now?"</p><p>Driven by your words they interrupted their tireless task of groping and kneading your breasts and relocated their attention.<br/>
"Oh, come on, you didn't even hear me out yet", they pouted and swiftly closed the distance between your faces to peck you on the lips, morphing your sour expression into a dumb smirk.<br/>
Over the prominent demonstration of this rare and exclusive enticing side of them, you had almost forgotten who you were dealing with exactly.<br/>
"Fine, let's hear it", you huffed and impatiently tugged at the collar of their shirt, couldn't await that moment you would be able to take a glimpse at their naked form as well,<br/>
"I hope it involves you finally getting rid of these clothes."<br/>
A sheepish snicker originating from your partner reached your ears and soon their mouth did as well, as they started nibbling on the lobe, broad hands sitting squarely on your bare chest. Goosebumps prickled their way down your naked back and you bend your head into the opposite direction to offer the entire length of your delicate neck to them - an invitation they took gladly.</p><p>"I want to figure out how to get all these sweet sounds out of you", they whispered, voice vibrating against your skin, lips and tongue traveling across your nape, leaving a flaming trail of saliva behind, "Each and every one of them."<br/>
You started squirming beneath their touch, their simple words promising so much more pure pleasure, you yearned to experience, spurred on your vivid imagination.<br/>
"And then what?", you gasped jokingly, your face heating up by a couple degrees and sucked the air through your teeth, while you felt Hange marking their new claimed territory, namely your shoulder, with another prominent hickey. You had to gulp down an obstructive lump of ever growing anticipation nestling in the back of your throat, to be capable of forming another coherent sentence,<br/>
"Do you intend to put this list into our notebook as well?"<br/>
Immediately your partner's head perked up, willingly interrupted their highly important toil to leave another love bite and their amber orbs, pupils enlarged and sparkling with excitement, located yours.</p><p>"Can I?!"</p><p>"No!", you squealed in visible as well as audible indignation, though the feeling swiftly transformed into amusement and soon the both of you were laughing and snickering at Hange's overly eager display of affection, their need to please you.<br/>
Whatever sliver of uneasiness and uncertainty about going this next step with them, about laying your heart and body out bare and vulnerable in front of them, might have been lingering in your mind, was smoked out right in this very moment.<br/>
Everything with them was so easy, so lighthearted. In fact, you couldn't remember if anyone had ever managed to make you laugh during sex before - except for them.<br/>
"Please, try to remember without writing it down anywhere", you pleaded and nuzzled your forehead against theirs, while your partner's hands absentmindedly traveled from your breasts once more down to your stomach, so they could hook both thumbs into the waistband of your pants, lastly connecting them above the zipper, tickling the patch of peach hair.</p><p>"So you're in?", they uttered and brought enough distance between you, to take a curious glimpse at your face, to witness it carrying this sheepish grin matching their own.<br/>
Your heart skipped a beat as a sudden wave of bravery washed over you and you planted both of your palms squarely on Hange's chest, observed their expression morph into mute surprise as you firmly pushed them down onto the mattress, straddling their legs while you climbed on top of them and confidently straightened your back to put your muscular upper body on prominent display.<br/>
"You first", you purred and the sight of your headstrong Section Commander blushing and dumbfound gaping at your form, squirming ever so slightly underneath you legs, boosted your already sky high arousal.</p><p>Rapidly they replaced their brief presentation of speechlessness with cockiness and a sly smile found it's way to their lips, as they teasingly linked their arms above their head, crooking it, allowing strands of hair to fall into their forehead, arching their spine with the graze of a cat, clearly surrendering their body, their whole being, to your touch.</p><p>To you.</p><p>"Go ahead."</p><p>Like something in your mind had been cleanly cut by their sharply hissed words, you dived down and bumped your lips together, both of you catching and swallowing the quiet growls and groans escaping your throats and they invitingly parted them to grant you easier access. Gladly you angled your head, tongue pushing past their teeth and while the wet muscles molded into each other, your trembling hands found the collar of their shirt and moved them along the hem, finally popping all of those buttons open, to reveal the barely visible swell of their breasts, still covered with a firm chest binding.<br/>
Gasping for air you released your partner's mouth, witnessed amber orbs underneath fluttering lids focus you and eagerly brushed the fabric over their broad shoulders and down their lean arms, resulting in them disconnecting their back from the mattress to assist you with tugging it from underneath them, carelessly tossing it on top of the ever growing pile of discarded clothes.</p><p>You held your breath for a brief moment to allow yourself to admire their toned upper body, savored the opportunity to study those muscles working and tensing up close. The delicate skin was covered in fair healed scars and faint bruises. <br/>
Gently, abandoning any sense of urgency, two fingers found and chased one especially thick bump from their rips up to their sternum, losing it's track underneath the fabric.<br/>
"Sina, you're so beautiful", you blurted out, your brain not capable of shackling these noisy thoughts any longer. Since the day you had first laid eyes on them, you hadn't been able to deny how unbelievably attractive they were. The prominent structure of their face, usually framed by straggly strands of that chocolate thatch, those bright eyes sparkling with passion and that muscular form, build from years of training, maneuvering and fighting.</p><p>You feared you didn't tell them enough.</p><p>A pink blush painted Hange's cheeks, lip quivering ever so slightly with emotions you couldn't quite allocate.<br/>
"Flatterer", they hummed and reached out to grab your wrists, straightly guided your hands to their covered breasts. Relived about them granting you permission, you hooked your thumbs underneath the chest binding and they lifted their arms once more, aiding you with your task to pull the loop of fabric over their head.<br/>
Your heart skipped a beat at the sight unfolding before you and the same urge, which had probably grabbed your partner as well earlier, now caused you to avidly lean down to plant a firm kiss onto your Commander's bare sternum, lips trailing the remaining centimeters of the nasty scar up to one of the small mounts located on their chest, decorated with a prominent pink nipple.<br/>
Right above you, your partner unleashed a shaky moan, the electrifying sound traveling straight to your core and mimicking the way they had pleased you earlier, you took the stiff bud into your mouth and reluctantly sucked on it. You were almost taken aback by their response, by the way their back arched off of the mattress, a hand quickly finding their waist to restraint their bucking, while your tongue circled the areola. Each audible suck or flick of their nipple earned you another uncharacteristically hoarse groan or whine and soon you began to understand why Hange was so eager to coax any form of feedback out of you;</p><p>Their highly audible pleasure was music to your ears.</p><p>The Commander's chest heaved frantically underneath you, as your wet muscle tardily moved across their chest, alternating between coating either the right or the left breast with your saliva, your free hand, not busy with holding them down, caressing and occasionally pinching the one your mouth wasn't paying attention to.<br/>
"Please, don't stop", they gasped and almost desperately tangled their fingers with your short hair, to keep your head in place, in a foolish attempt to prevent you from pulling away. You were pretty sure your need was dripping and running down your thighs by now, your underwear probably soaked.<br/>
After a last vigorous suck you released the delicate bud, again bringing some distance between you and their lean body, palms stroking upwards over their collarbone and neck to lastly cup their cheeks and you were pleased to be greeted by their flushed face, the gaping mouth and those dazzling amber orbs. They were drowning in lust, lips curled to a disapproving pout, single drops of sweat glistening on their forehead.</p><p>The view was incredibly intoxicating.</p><p>"Did I fucking stutter?", they groaned and squinted with indignation, which earned them a quiet snicker.<br/>
"Sensitive, are we?", you teased them, brushing off their irritated comment and watched the color of their cheeks changing from pink to bright red, "So, shall I start with the list then, or what?"<br/>
Defeated with their own weapons they wrinkled their nose and used the hand resting on your nape to tug you back down, to shut you up by catching your lips in a heated kiss. You couldn't help but mewl against their mouth, lips parting and brushing, tongues darting, connecting and playing, the sensation of both of you breasts and erected nipples pushed up against one another almost too much for your aroused body to handle.</p><p>Hange soon abandoned your mouth, to teasingly suck at your neck instead, clearly remembering this being a delicate area for you, causing you to hiss through your clenched teeth, awaiting them to forge another hickey, before they decided to nibble at your earlobe instead.<br/>
"Even though I did enjoy that", they purred, voice still husky and shaking and unexpectedly angled their leg, knee pressing upwards against your core, resulting in your eyes to flutter shut and bright stars to explode on the pitch black backdrop, vocal cords vibrating with a pleased whine,<br/>
"You were in charge long enough, kitten."</p><p>Without any prior warning the Commander's whole muscular body tensed, strong hands found your shoulders and with the help of their calves and thighs, they flipped you over with ease, squealing in surprise, as your back flopped onto the mattress.<br/>
That urge building up reached it's peak and your heart violently hammered against the insides of your ribcage, ultimately stumbling and coaxing a gasp out of your throat, as you watched Hange towering above you, nestling in between your legs, palms resting on either knee of your propped up limbs.<br/>
The almost ominously dim light originating from the dozen candles decorating the room behind them, illuminated their silhouette, those lean and attractive curves, shrouding everything else in almost complete darkness.</p><p>Your whole body shivered and vibrated with anticipation, as the dancing flames reflected in their bright amber orbs for a split second, a glimmering piercing gaze darkening and dripping with lust.<br/>
It was just as hot and seductive as you had always imagined it to be.<br/>
Without wasting anymore time, Hange's fingers unzipped the zipper of your pants, getting a hold on the waistband and relieved you of the obstructive fabric, as they yanked it down your legs, slightly backing up to be able to ultimately tug it over your feet - and to carelessly let the join the pile.<br/>
The knot in your stomach tightened almost painfully with a distinct and unexpected feeling of something resembling uneasiness, you thought you had managed to abandon earlier, as your partner admired your now nearly completely naked and exposed body, a content smirk resting on their lips.</p><p>Goosebumps traveled over your skin and you weren't able to stifle a quiet moan, as their hands started their journey right underneath your knees, gently trailing the prominent muscles on your calves, stroked over the soft flesh on your inner thighs, steadily approaching your core.<br/>
Your chest heaved frantically beneath the tender circles they painted on your skin, soon meeting the slick wetness that had trickled down your legs and drenched all those tiny dark hairs along the way. With an amused expression planted on their face they released a low hum of approval at the sight, while lubricating and coating their fingertips with the thick liquid between, in anticipation of what was to come.</p><p>"Already so wet for me?", they growled, amber orbs locating yours and you couldn't help but whine at their words and to splay your forearm across your face, covering and hiding the deep red blush scorching and coloring your cheeks.<br/>
"Please don't say it like that", you pleaded, barely capable of recognizing your own muffled shaky voice, as all the sounds around you suddenly seemed to be drowned out by uncomfortably unfamiliar and distressing screeches and high-pitched buzzing sounds, your ears had suddenly decided to pain you with.</p><p>
  <em>Fear. Anxiety.</em>
</p><p>You weren't quite able to place your finger on what exactly had triggered your imminent tension, but it was starting to go downhill fast. This painfully exaggerated fright pushed past the deafening emotion of pleasure and content happiness, resulting in you breaking out in cold sweat and instinctively you clenched your trembling knees together, shutting Hange out, who was barely quick enough to withdraw their fingers like they had burned themselves on your flesh.</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>Burying their seductive facade, strong hands got a hold on your wrists, gently disconnecting your cramped arms from your face and you cracked an eye open to witness your partner's worried features hovering above you, lingering only centimeters away from yours. Their forehead had turned into a wrinkled landscape.<br/>
"Are you OK?", they whispered, voice barely audible, thumbs comfortingly caressing your pulse points, "Did I go too fast?"<br/>
Causing them feel like they might have been at fault, made the whole situation even worse. You simply weren't able to get your frantically fluttering heart to slow down on injecting overwhelmingly amounts of adrenalin straight into your bloodstream, pumping and hammering even rougher against your ribcage.</p><p>"No, I ...", you gasped as an answer, disoriented, "It's just been a while, I guess."</p><p>
  <em>Love. </em>
</p><p>It was love that was holding you back. The desperate need to be enough, to satisfy them, to please them. They had been so close to your quivering and delicate core, yet the tense fear jammed your ability to allow them to reach their target, to surrender yourself to them completely. What if the experience didn't match their expectations? What if you didn't manage to pleasure them the way they desired to be?<br/>
"We can stop whenever you want", Hange reminded you seriously, amber orbs meeting yours and they removed one of their hands from your wrist to stroke across your cheek instead, brushing the tear away that had formed in the corner of your eye,<br/>
"Just say the word, love."<br/>
Slowly but steadily your heart and mind calmed and soothed underneath their mellow touches and words, your nostrils deflating as you took a deep shaking breath.</p><p>You didn't want them to stop. You didn't want those inner demons to get in the way of your budding pleasure, your budding relationship. You were a fool for letting them take over, shattering your resolve in the deep seated affection the both of you held your each other, even if just for a little while.<br/>
Briefly you recalled the crystal clear happiness you had experienced since you had started dating, simply by being around them. <br/>
Recalled the high amount of comfort they had gifted you, all the tender kisses, touches and promises.<br/>
Recalled that blind trust they had placed in you.<br/>
You were the sole person the battle hardened, eccentric and headstrong Section Commander had bared those intense emotions and naked body to, had allowed you to witness them in a fragile state of vulnerability, had gladly surrendered themselves to you.<br/>
You were a fool for worrying about returning the favor, for expecting disappointment, for fearing rejection after opening up to them. Now it was your turn to take the leap, to trust them and to bravely hand your body and soul over - right into their loving and caring hands.</p><p>Again calm and collected you took a deep breath, the deafening sounds ceasing and fear crumbling into nothingness once more.</p><p>There was nothing for you to feel concerned about.</p><p>"I'm fine", you promised them, hands reaching out to cup your partner's cheek, to revel in their emitting body heat, watched their former tense and worried features soften, their familiar smell pushing past the thick lust filled atmosphere impregnating the air,</p><p>"I want you to touch me."</p><p>The almost unfamiliar voice vibrating in your vocal cords was breathy and hoarse as you let this phrase heavy with emotions roll smoothly over your tongue, fingers tugging a strand of hair behind Hange's ear, reluctantly traveling upwards to free that wild thatch out of the tight scrunchie, letting it snap over your wrist instead and observed in awe how their chocolate brown hair flowed over their shoulders.<br/>
Aware of your stares they attractively crooked their head, thick strands of hair falling into their forehead and focused you with half lidded eyes, the coy smile returning to their features. After attentively making sure any form of tenseness had been drained from your muscles and face and was once more replaced by budding desire, their exploring hands rested on your rips, faintly brushing the underside of your breasts, causing a breath to hitch in your throat.</p><p>"Kitten, there is one thing you should know", they purred, bending down, mouth targeting the corner of your lips, leaving you gaping and arching your neck in a desperate effort to taste them, yet they decided to lap and suck at your jawline instead,<br/>
"Just because I'm a Titan researcher, doesn't mean I'm going to munch you."<br/>
The satisfied mewl that was building up in your throat transformed halfway into a surprised and amused snort and you couldn't help but chuckle at their almost random comment, felt hot palms moving up to your soft mounts to massage them.<br/>
"What?", you huffed, eyes fluttering shut, a bright smirk curving your lips at their honest attempt to make you feel better.<br/>
To make you feel at ease.</p><p>To make you laugh.</p><p>Bravely you dared to part your bare legs again, until knees bumped into theirs on either side, sensed the slick juices oozing from between your folds and for the first time this night you jerked your hips upwards to meet theirs, looking for friction, for release.<br/>
Hange's chest vibrated underneath a pleased hum of approval and you felt them grinning against your naked and damp skin, while their mouth traveled downwards; eagerly sucking on your right breast on its way, tongue flicking over the erected nipple to squeeze another moan from you and this time you didn't even bother to muffle it, fists clenching the sheets.</p><p>Their words and actions had set your whole body on fire.</p><p>A thick fog started to cloud your mind, as you lost yourself in the sensation of their roaming hands and mouth all over you, pinching and marking you, lastly abandoning the bud with a pop, to venture further down, until their slender fingers got caught on the waistband of your pants resting on your hips.<br/>
Your pulse and breathing quickened, as your eyes found theirs, darkened with desire, chin only centimeters away from your quivering and pulsating core. Then they parted their lips decorated with a smirk:</p><p>"I'll just be eating you out real good."</p><p>The tight knot in your stomach tightened painfully and burning pleasure exploded in your abdomen, their words almost too intense for your aroused body to handle and your legs seemed to be moving on their own as you spread them, offering the most intimate part of your body to your partner.<br/>
"Please do", you whined shamelessly and arched you back further into your their touch, as they got a hold on the waistband of your soaked underwear, yanked it down and swiftly removed this solely remaining piece of clothing still covering you, lastly exposing your slit to the cold air, breathlessly admiring the view.<br/>
"Good girl", their breathy voice praised you, impatiently nudging your legs further apart to be able to dive in between them and to start peppering kisses up your left inner thigh, strong hands hooking your poplits to keep the trembling limbs in place, to grant themselves easier access to their object of desire now on prominent display.</p><p>"There's no need for fear."</p><p>By now your whole body was vibrating with anticipation, soft whines escaped you at one second intervals without you being able or willing to stop them, as you observed Hange beneath fluttering lids, the way they were laying flat on their stomach and closely studying your drenched vagina like they were assigned to sketch it later and forced to remember every little detail. <br/>
But before you were able to complain about their slow pace, their tongue darted out and took a first long lick right along your outer folds. For a brief second your whole world went dark, your eyes rolling into the back of your head at the overwhelming sensation. They had riled you up so well, you weren't sure how long you were going to last, if even the faintest of touches already had you seeing stars.</p><p>A prolonged moan cut the silence as your partner repeated their action, tracing the entire length of your coated slit, lapping up your thick juices along the way, though still carefully avoiding the pulsating bundle of nerves at the top.<br/>
"Fuck, Hange!", you blurted out, voice dripping with lust, the unusual choice of words causing Hange to snicker against your core, their hot breath sending shockwaves tingling across your skin as goosebumps.<br/>
Spurred on by your vocal response they dived in deeper, to find and carefully tug at your inner folds with their lips. Gladly savoring every drop of need leaking from your entrance, the lewd sounds of them licking you clean and you groaning and whining underneath the scorching feel that was the unfamiliar texture of their tongue against your most sensitive spots quickly filled the air.</p><p>Shamelessly you jerked your hips against their mouth, yearning for more pleasure, for them to relocate their attention where you needed it the most, only for them to finally close their lips around your clit, like they had been reading your mind and to start sucking on it. Desperately you dug your heels into the mattress and fingers grabbed a fistful of Hange's hair to keep them in place, while joyful whines rolled over your tongue. Your eyes were clenched shut, brows furrowed, chest frantically heaving due to your persistent panting and mewling and every other suck at the swollen bundle of nerves further tightened the knot in your stomach - the flimsy string about to snap.</p><p>The Commander was thoroughly devouring you like you were their first and last meal at the same time, yet without executing any form of force or displaying a sense of urgency. Every featherlight touch and lick was slow and tender, yet was nudging and shoving you closer to the edge all the same.</p><p>"Sina, it feels so good", you slurred, barely capable of forming a coherent sentence, your entire mind drunk on the lust filled atmosphere. <br/>
Your legs in their firm grasp were trembling and your eyes snapped open, as soon as fingers started to wander, to close in on your vagina, gently scratching the skin and to your utter disapproval Hange's mouth abandoned it's target. <br/>
Breathlessly you shot them a brief glance and the sight of their chin glistening with your slick juices, strands of their unrestrained hair sticking to it, darkened amber orbs focusing you with this hungry stare and their throat lastly vocalizing their contentment with a low hum was almost enough for you to reach your breaking point. </p><p>"I can tell", they purred and pushed themselves back on their knees to splay their lean upper body on top of yours, both of you covered with a thin layer of cold sweat. <br/>
"You taste just as exquisite as you sound", they snickered, their face so close to yours to were able to spot every drop of the various liquids clinging to it, a thumb brushing over your chin.</p><p>"Want to try?"</p><p>Without awaiting your response, they passionately caught your parted lips in a kiss and immediately pushed their tongue past your teeth to look for yours. Rapidly your own sweet and strong flavor filled your mouth, while you traded saliva as well as muffled and heated gasps and groans, hands snaking around their muscular back. Your neglected core was pulsating with need and you couldn't help but jerk your hips upwards, seeking the missing friction.</p><p>Your mute pleas were answered, as Hange brought their free hand, not busy with tickling your neck while gently sucking on your lower lip, between both of your bodys to cup your wet womanhood, their palm being a perfect match. Your eyes fluttered shut, a prolonged moan building up in your throat as they dragged two of their slender and rough fingers all the way along your drenched slit, thoroughly coating them with your natural lubricant. Meanwhile their mouth had leeched onto your delicate neck, you had willingly presented to them, lazily covering it with more colorful marks for everyone to see.</p><p>Your pulse and breathing quickened, heart hammering helplessly against the insides of your ribcage, while you were still holding in the moan burning in your lungs, crying to be released. For another tense second Hange's digits teasingly circled your entrance, before finally plunging them all the way up to their knuckles into your throbbing heat in one swift motion. The low growling sound originating from the depths of your stomach lastly found it's way over your lips, announcing your passion, your enjoyment, even set off a distant shiver rolling over Hange's body so close to yours, that you were able to feel it, in mute response.</p><p>"Fuck, I'm so close already", you whined and squirmed around their fingers filling you up, rocking your hips accordingly as they started to move, dragging the tips along your inner walls on their way out, only to firmly push back in.<br/>
"Don't hold back,  let me hear you", the Commander repeated your words from earlier, uttered them under their breath so unbearably close to your ear, while nibbling at the lobe. Experimentally they scissored their exploring fingers inside of you with each stroke, the lewd squishing and slapping noises whenever the heel of their palm collided with your clit and your needy moans, accompanied by their occasional low growls, echoed in the otherwise silent room.</p><p>"I got you."</p><p>A few last vigorous thrusts hitting your deep seated and most sensitive spot over and over again, while sweet nothings spouting from their mouth vibrated against your skin, lastly send your spine arching off the mattress - and you leaping right over the edge. <br/>
For a brief moment your whole world went dark, the vision of your partner's face above you blurred, smudged by bright stars exploding in front of your eyes and your entire body trembled and tingled, while frantically jerking hips assisted you with riding out your nerve shattering orgasm on their invading fingers. Short and high pitched squeals, mewls and ecstasy filled outcries of their name jammed any other coherent sentence from being formed, nails helplessly clawing at their shoulder blades, probably leaving scratch marks. </p><p>The sound of Hange's smooth voice and the loving and caring movements of their limbs aided and guided you through your intoxicating high, stroking and caressing you, digits sliding along your inner walls clenching down on them, before ultimately being pushed out forcefully by the fluttering and tensing muscles. Your hot and slick release gushed and oozed over their hand, leaking out of your now empty entrance and pooled on the sheets underneath you. <br/>
For what felt like forever you reveled in the powerful aftershocks, your sight slowly sharpening and clearing up again, your whole body covered with a thin layer of sweat ultimately flopping back onto the mattress, chest heaving with your heavy pants, arms splayed out like a dying man. </p><p>A bright dumb grin of pure bliss was plastered on your face.</p><p>"Hey!", Hange chimed, their flushed face reappearing in your field of vision, even though you couldn't remember them ever leaving, as they lazily lounged on top of you, squishing your breasts together, bright amber orbs sparkling and brimming with scorching love and affection. <br/>
Their own lungs were frantically in- and exhaling, in a desperate attempt to calm their pulse.<br/>
"Hey yourself", you wheezed and observed them wiping their wet chin with the back of their hand, then sensually licking your release off of their own fingers, tongue thoroughly lapping all the way around their digits, while never breaking eye contact.<br/>
A cold shiver traveled down your spine, as they ultimately snaked their now clean hands, starting from underneath your armpits, around your back and shoulders, pulling themselves closer, your bodies practically glued together by various body fluids and nestled their head in the crook of your neck, chocolate hair cascading over your collarbone. <br/>
The strong and fluttering hammering of your partner's heart merged with yours, steadily calming down, soon beating in sync with your own. <br/>
"How do you feel?", they muttered against your skin, planting sloppy kisses on the bruised and marked area, while your own arms circled around their back and trapped them in a tight embrace.</p><p>You never wanted to let go off them ever again. You never wanted this moment to end.</p><p>"Amazing", you purred and angled your head to bare your nape and to grant them easier access to continue their exploration, <br/>
"Thank you for this."<br/>
"No, thank you!", they exclaimed, their whole ribcage vibrating underneath a warm snicker, "This was a really successful experiment. I learned so much about you."<br/>
An amused huff escaped your throat, your eyes fluttering shut, as the exhaustion started to claw it's way up your insides, threatened to encapsulate and overwhelm you. With Hange's loving touches it wouldn't take long for you to drift off to sleep right on the spot.<br/>
"But what about you?", you returned the question, the freezing worry that had caught you off guard earlier tightening your throat again. Curiously you shoot them a glance, catching a glimpse at their calm and content features squished against your neck, "I didn't even return the favor yet. Did you ...?"<br/>
"Cum?", they boldly interrupted and finished your sentence for you, "Yeah, don't worry, I'm good. Seeing you take my fingers so beautifully was enough for me."</p><p>A faint blush of embarrassment colored your cheeks pink, rendering you speechless for a second and you exhaled in quiet relief. Hange was unique in every given way, so now you felt like an utter fool for even asking. Especially after you had already witnessed them squirm and squeal just by reading an incredibly exciting thesis about Titan behavior.<br/>
Still you wanted your Commander to experience the same bone shattering display of deep love and affection they had gifted you with.<br/>
Wanted them to experience the same exciting feeling of being pushed over the edge by someone you loved.</p><p>
  <em>Love.</em>
</p><p>This simple word pulsated painfully in your mind once more, yearned to be picked up, to be spilled and released, yet you continued to exercise patience and forcefully stuffed it back between the mental restraints it had decided to escape from. <br/>
Now wasn't the right time for this. Not yet. You didn't want to come off as unreliable, a fraught, didn't want them to believe you were only confessing because you were still drunk on pleasure, drunk on ecstasy and your release.</p><p>But one day you would tell them.<br/>
One day you would let them know what they truly meant to you.</p><p>To distract yourself from your inner conflict, you urged your fingers to absentmindedly draw wide circles on their bare back, to trace the bulge of their spine, until you managed to elicit a low raspy hum of content from their throat.<br/>
"I swear, it's your turn next time, sunshine", you promised and planted a kiss on top of their scalp.<br/>
"You already thinking about next time, kitten?", they snickered teasingly and yelped as you lightly pinched their skin in mute indignation, face heating up. <br/>
"It's my duty as your assistant", you almost solemnly announced, after forcefully clearing your throat, "To make sure all of your notes of today's experiment are accurate."</p><p>Reluctantly Hange disconnected their head from your neck, their amber orbs drowning in upcoming waves of devotion finding yours, only to catch your lips in a loving kiss soon after, tenderly nibbling and licking at your mouth until the both of you were humming and chuckling with crystal clear happiness.</p><p>You were still able to faintly taste yourself.</p><p>"I will hold you to that."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>My first attempt at smut, I feel like I did OK. I'm satisfied with it at least.</p><p>Also, next chapter will be the last one. Not sure when it's going to be finished yet, since this one was already up earlier than I usually update.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Presenting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When you were tickled awake by the warm sun rays snaking it's way through the towers of books, lastly lingering on your features, you were pleasantly surprised to note the warmth of another body encapsulating you, surprised to realize that you weren't alone. </p><p>The last few times, whenever you had fallen asleep in Hange's arms, you had been faced with an empty and cold bed the next morning, as the scientist had already ran off to something more important, to one of their countless appointments, to be able to keep up and handle all of them. It had been confusing and a little hurtful at first, but you had adjusted to it, had accepted that this was simply they way they handled things and that they didn't mean any harm with it.<br/>But on this special occasion, after you had been exchanged those tender as well as scorcing and excitingly new touches, indulged and lost yourself in those intimate activities, you found yourself in the same tight embrace, you had fallen asleep in the night before.<br/>Tingling affection began to crawl it's way up your stomach, burned exceptionally hot on that part of your skin where Hange's arm was lazily draped across your waist, where one of their knees had molded itself in your poplit, the other slipped in between both of your legs to envelop them and where their nose bumped into your nape. <br/>Their calm breathing, or rather soft snoring, grazed the tiny sensitive hairs covering you. </p><p>A warm smile of pure bliss curved your lips, eyes fluttering shut once more, as your hand found theirs to gently tangle your fingers. Your partner, who was still fast sleep, responded with an almost inhumanly deep noise originating from their throat, faintly resembling a snort, you weren't able to allocate and nestled their lean body even closer to your bare naked one hidden underneath the sheets. <br/>You sensed their forehead connecting with the back of your head.<br/>You were well aware the both of you shouldn't linger like this for too long, since your restless mind already painfully reminded you of your important duties almost piling up right in front of your eyes, but you just didn't have the heart to wake them. <br/>You didn't have the heart to even as much as move and to possibly disturb their peaceful slumber they so desperately required, didn't want to wriggle yourself out of their loving embrace. </p><p>
  <em>Just a while longer. Only a little bit.</em>
</p><p>You were barely able to recall yesterdays aftercare. Were barely able to recall any of the words whispered and purred or touches exchanged after your intoxicating high had ceased and had left you utterly spend, physically as well as mentally. <br/>Though the simple fact that you actually had sex with your Section Commander had burned itself into your brain and heart like a stigma. Months, weeks, even days ago this kind of reverie hadn't been aynthing more than a foolish and troublesome fever dream, but now it had manifested in your new and exciting reality. <br/>You still sensed the ghost of Hange's exploring fingers traveling across your skin, caressing your breasts and stimulating your core, their lips passionately pressed against yours.</p><p>You were still able to hear their uncharacteristically needy growls and moans echoing very vivid in your ears and causing goosebumps to splash in waves across your shivering frame.</p><p>Neither of you had bothered to clean yourself up after last night and had simply drifted off to sleep in each others arms, sticky and covered in sweat and release the way you were, so with your mind cleared up you became overly aware of your dried juices gluing your folds together, your nose wrinkling in discomfort. You had to secure a safe route back to your room to fetch clean clothes or maybe send Hange to collect them for you. <br/>There was no way in hell you'd leave to attend to your duties without bathing or, Sina forgive, in your soaked underwear from yesterday, currently resting somewhere in the discarded pile of clothes right beside the mattress.</p><p>Even though Hange's half naked body was so close to yours, that you were able to feel the tip of their breasts brushing against your shoulder blades, their muscles tensing whenever they adjusted their position, the unbearable and almost painful urge for them to touch and mark you had ceased. No, rather transformed into a warm and pleasant anticipation for next time you'd have the chance to become intimate, which was much more easier to suppress and control. <br/>This turn of events had simply proofed to you even clearer, smoking out every last piece of insecurity that might have still been clinging to your heart along the way, that it was your partner, their person, you desired and not the thrills this attractive individual had to offer.</p><p>Proofed to you even clearer, that your love for them, you held so close to your heart, was honest and real.</p><p>That it was an emotion you shouldn't hesitate to set free. </p><p>Carefully you detangled your bare legs from Hange's, activated your sore muscles to turn your body in their arms, only accompanied by the sound of the soft rustling of the sheets and your sharp inhaling of breath, in a desperate attempt to not cause more ruckus than necessary.<br/>Your heart skipped a beat as you were met with your partner's almost tranquil expression, eyelids hiding their bright amber orbs, unleashed chocolate thatch cascading over the pillow and framing their prominent features, cheeks colored with a faint blush and their lips slightly parted. <br/>In silent awe, your chest arching with deep seated affection, you simply observed them, curious gaze tracing the form of their nose and mouth, their strong jawline and delicate neck, noticed with a brief pang of pride filling you up that you had left a few budding marks of your own, had painted a messy line of love bites across their breastbone. You couldn't help but feel satisfied with the open display of your relationship now imprinted on their body, that you had managed to return the favor.</p><p>It was a rare sight, even for you, to witness the Section Commander in this utterly serene state.</p><p>Reluctantly you reached out and maneuvered your arm past theirs over their waist, placed your palm on the small of their back and cautiously inched closer, to hook the top of your head under their chin and to plant a soft kiss to their sternum. Their familiar smell of ash and damp wood, now morphed with the faint scent of sweat and sex, assailed your nose and caused your lungs to release the shaking breath you had been holding in, accidentally tickled the tiny hairs on the valley of their breasts, covered with the newly discovered scars you had explored yesterday. <br/>You detected your partner's body shivering ever so slightly beneath your fingertips and their chest to vibrate with a content hum and inaudibly slurred words. </p><p>Their arm draped across your frame twitched, the bend one they were using as a pillow mirroring it's counterpart.</p><p>Maybe it was the fact that Hange's wasn't able to hear you or that your mind was still bathing in the thick aftermath of last nights ecstasy, which ultimately boosted your bravery and set your vocal cords in motion. Or possibly the utter peace and tranquility of the current situation filling you up was at fault, strengthening your resolve and your confidence.<br/>"I love you", you whispered, the heavy phrase shattering the silence, sounding almost deafening in your ears despite your efforts to keep your voice down, face heating up and fingers trembling, while one kiss turned into two, "I love you so much, sunshine."</p><p>You had said it. </p><p>You had transformed the obtrusive bundle of feelings, painfully pulsating in the back of your mind for quite a while, into words, had dared to let them roll over your tongue, had given them a distinct form and proper meaning by setting them free.<br/>And even though they hadn't reached your partner's ears yet, your heart was now aware you had acknowledged those feelings, embraced them, had taken the first step to eventually direct them at the person undoubtedly chained to them.</p><p>It was only a matter of time.</p><p>Right above your flushed face and out of your sight Hange's lips curled to a blissful and perfectly happy grin.</p><hr/><p>"I wondered where you were."</p><p>Curiously, nearly startled, your head perked up and you tore your eyes away from the dazzling sunset glued to the horizon, painting the open area studded with a handful of dozing Titans beneath your dangling legs in its blood red colors. Causing their grotesque shapes, as well as Hange's lean frame, who you were greeted while searching for the source of the voice dragging you out of your daydream, to throw long shadows. <br/>A small smile curved your lips, as you witnessed their sheepish expression and how their slender fingers pushed their goggles further up their nose, catching and reflecting the sun rays in the spotted glasses,<br/>"Suprise; I'm here every day, sunshine", you reminded them, raising your eyebrows in silent amusement and stretched your tense muscles, ultimately coaxing a content mewl out of your throat, "But what are you doing here?"</p><p>Even though your partner was usually embracing their role as the energetic and bubbly half in this relationship, this time you had been the one to nudge them awake this morning, to prevent them from sleeping in - after giving them a fair and lengthy amount of rest. <br/>Neither of you had been rather keen about abandoning your position, were still reveling in the fresh and vivid memories of your dazzling and exciting lovemaking, you partner even going as far as hiding their entire body underneath the sheets, in a foolish attempt to escape their responsibilities, repeatedly releasing muffled swears, concealed as irritated groans - frequently accompanied by your amused chuckling. <br/>Both of you were on the edge of burning out after last weeks unbearably straining workload and operationg conditions, that had been resting awfully heavy on your back and shoulders for days and though it had bent you, Erwin's pending decision regarding your future status in the Survey Corps lingered even darker and more threatening above your heads.</p><p>But honoring the nickname you had chosen for them, Hange had turned into your ray of light in the looming darkness. </p><p>Once they had noticed your freezing worries clawing their way back up your insides, clouding and distorting your features, they had swiftly discarded their unmotivated and almost grumpy facade and tuned up the volume of the eccentric and noisy scientist nestling right underneath the surface, breaking them free. <br/>Easily you had let yourself get swept up in the storm, the force of nature that was your Section Commander.<br/>You hadn't been officially reinstated as Captain yet, but not chained to the kitchen any longer either, so they had decided to shamelessly have you tag along as their official assistant once more, if the Commander approved of it or not, like they had stated with a stern pout, to relocate your attention away from your fear, your anxiety. <br/>And to rather have you focus them, their bold appearence, their unique personality - your eternal endeavor to keep them in line. </p><p>To remind you things would soon revert back to normal.</p><p>And before you knew it, you where tailing them across the Survey Corps headquarters again, making an effort to match their vigorously bouncy and energetic steps, playfully complaining about your sore muscles through the pen, clenched between your teeth, while you were clutching a stack of research papers close to your chest and let your eyes dance across the stained pages of your shared notebook. <br/>Meanwhile you had to deal with Hange's most recent and embarassing habit, to let their noisy voice announce your and their presence quite vocally whenever they entered a room, never leaving out the fact that you were officially dating now, a consistent blush of pure passion coloring their cheeks. </p><p>They wanted everyone to know. They wanted to whole world to know.</p><p>It didn't take them very long to smoke out every last bit of your frightening worries and to paint a dumb grin on your face - even if just for a little while.</p><p>You had parted only once for a few hours, so that you'd be able to catch your breath and meet up with Sasha on top of the wall like you always did, to observe the horrors beneath your dangling feet and to pour your heart out to her. <br/>Yet Hange had ultimately caught up with you before your friend had even arrived.</p><p>"I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about", your partner snickered and took a firm and confident stance right besides you, back straightened, chin up high and amber orbs sparkling with excitement, while scanning the wide open area plastered with countless objects of their obsession right underneath you.<br/>You had no doubt about them being utterly impressed. <br/>Amazed. <br/>In awe. <br/>You were practically able to observe the brimming and colorful emotions covering and taking over their facial features in a matter of seconds, mouth curved to a perfectly content grin and the scorching hot feel of affection filled you up and encapsulated your heart, send shivers down your spine. </p><p>This open and powerful display of passion was precisely what you had fallen in love with. </p><p>Before you were able to respond, you partner took a deep breath, nostrils deflating and shouted from the top of their lungs: <br/>"THIS IS AWESOME!" <br/>Their rowdy voice echoed from the old walls, their feet trapped in those tatty boots inching so dangerously close to the edge, you feared they would slip and fall every moment, hands clasped behind their neck, their whole face flushed and the picture of agitation.<br/>Your heart skipped a beat, while your mind already imagined them loose their footing and drop to their imminent death and instinctively your arm darted upwards, to get a tight hold onto the part of their belt right underneath the small of their back, protectively tugging on it.<br/>"By the walls, Hange", you hissed, though still couldn't prevent a content smile from curling your mouth, "Watch your step."<br/>"Sorry, sorry", they snickered and lastly flopped on their behind right besides you, propping their chin up on their elbow, gaze glued to the flesh devouring monsters lounging beneath you.<br/>"I get why you keep coming here", they admitted, their upper body swaying left and right to the rhythm of a song only they were capable of hearing, "It's beautiful."</p><p>It took every inch of you to not respond with the most cheesy line your brain was immediately presenting to you on a silver platter and to only let a squealed "It is" slip past your lips instead.<br/>Hange's amber orbs behind the spotted glasses located yours due to the unusual noises originating from you, a straggly strand of hair falling into their forehead.<br/>"Don't worry, I'm not going to interrupt your girl time with Sasha", they interpreted your stiff, seemingly uncomfortable, reaction totally wrong, "I just had something I wanted to show you. And I figured this would be the perfect time and place for it."<br/>Their excited expression morphed into something more sheepish, coy maybe, as they closed the small distance between both of your knees by edging closer, gently nudging them.<br/>"Close your eyes", they demanded, singing every letter in a different tune.<br/>"Hange, what -"<br/>"Do me the favor, kitten."</p><p>Your tense shoulders relaxed beneath the sound of your most recent nickname and you released a small sigh, as you complied, shutting your lids and drowning your whole world in darkness. And even though the distant fear of swaying and plunging right into the menacing abyss, especially without your gear, tingled in the depths of your stomach, your faith and trust in Hange to hold, catch and save you burned much brighter. <br/>Their stifled snickering filled the otherwise silent air between you, while you waited patiently, until the knuckles of a closed fist bumped against your hand, releasing and delivering a warm and hard object in the size of a walnut into its loose hold. Something resembling a chain flowed between your fingers and you grasped onto it tightly before gravity could force it to escape.<br/>"Now open up", Hange whispered right beside your ear and your eyelids granted you the privilege of vision once more. </p><p>Resting in your palm you found a small silver figurine, quite misshapen, the metal spotted and dirty, with a tiny hole drilled through the top, right at the edge of the knob that was undoutably supposed to be a head, to envelop the similar colored chain you had entangled with your digits. <br/>"Surprise!", your partner cheered and clasped their hands together in front of their face, while closely surveying your expression, brimming with anticipation of your reaction.<br/>"And what do you think?"<br/>Almost anxiously you shot them a brief glance, juggled your eyes between the peculiar gift in your hand and their amber orbs enlargened to the size of plates. <br/>"Sunshine, don't take this the wrong way", you pleaded and grimaced, "But what is that?"</p><p>Despite your initial freezing worry their expression simply morphed to a indignant pout.<br/>"Now that is just plain rude", they whined and observed you twisting and turning the small trinket in between your fingers, "That's Hanni!" <br/>Another curious glance traveled in their direction and you couldn't help but blink at them in mute confusion.<br/>"See, those are her stubby little legs", Hange started to explain and pressed the pad of their forefinger on the parts in question, "The grabby arms and that cute angry face. I even put in the glowy eyes!"<br/>The further their vivid descriptions went on, the clearer the shape of the figurine became and the more coins started to fall, until the dribbling turned into a shower of plain realization which resulted in you to release a bright and infectious laugh, obviously heating up your face by a few degrees. Resulted in your stomach to ache, until happy tears swarmed your eyes and blurred your vision, forcing you to wipe them away with the back of your hand.<br/>"The Titan lady?", you snorted in disbelief, resurfacing the memories of your encounter with the human devouring 5 meter Titan the scientist had foolishly attempted to catch to impress and court you.<br/>"Our child, mind you", they corrected you almost stoic, putting up that ridiculously serious facade and you choked on your own spit, ending up with them vigorously patting your back to aid you with relocating the sticky liquid to where it belonged. <br/>"Our child?", you coughed and pressed a palm against your burning chest, "Don't rope me into this, I'm not ready to be a mom yet!"</p><p>Hange's expression in bright contrary to yours was calm, undeniably flushed nonetheless, though also colored with content satisfaction, as soon as your voice dripping with exhilaration reached their ears. <br/>As soon as they had made sure they had completed their task of taking your mind off things. <br/>Of making you laugh.</p><p>
  <em>Love. </em>
</p><p>Again this scorching and unbelievably persistent emotion filled up the free space in your mind, burned, oozed and scratched on the insides of your throat, crying and begging to be released. Strived to rise up to become more than meaningfully crafted letters set free in an empty room with no listeners, but to rather be directed at the person destined to hear them.</p><p>"Honey, I ...", you sighed, once you had calmed your racing heart and pulse and dared to lean your head down to rest comfortingly against their broad shoulder, "Thank you. I really don't know what to say."<br/>A low hum of approval vibrated in their chest, as they snaked an arm around your back to pull you in closer, lips grazing your scalp as they planted a small kiss on top of your hair.<br/>"That's alright", they mumbled against your skin, "Hearing you laugh like that was enough."<br/>While reveling in the tender affections they continued to gift you, fingers lazily caressing your upper arm, you absentmindedly took a closer look at the small figurine once more, turned and squeezed it between your thumb and forefinger and now that they had presented you the deeper meaning behind the quite misshapen piece of metal, you were actually able to spot all the tiny details they had neatly pointed out for you. </p><p>And even though you had voiced your indignation over their recklessness, even made fun of their obsession with the clingy Titan, you remembered very vividly, you held the memories of the event in question close to your heart - although you would be lying if you didn't spell out your utter relief about their decision to limit their Titan themed present to a less lively and more inanimate object this time around. <br/>What they had attempted to accomplish with diving headfirst into the dangerous area beyond the walls. <br/>And what they had ultimately confessed to you.</p><p>
  <em>"Why are you looking at him and not me?"</em>
</p><p>There were no proper words to describe the intensity of the thick emotions flooding your body in crushing waves, you were simply able to tell that they continued to urge and push you closer to the edge of releasing the phrase which had imprinted itself into the texture of your tongue. <br/>"Where did you get this?", you asked quite curiously instead, fingers searching for a clasp on the metal chain, you were certain it possessed, since it was clearly intended to be worn as a necklace.<br/>"Made it myself", Hange announced proudly and assisted you with taking their mindful token of love out of your hands, so they could effortlessly find and unhook the two ends of the metal string, tenderly nudging you to sit up straight to face them.<br/>Obediently you followed their plea and disconnected your head from their warm shoulder, your eyes locating their amber orbs, to find them mirroring the same crystal clear affection pressing down on your own vocal cords.</p><p>
  <em>Love. </em>
</p><p>"Remember the stress and heat tests I had to do with the new materials for the maneuvering gear?", they reminded you, while bringing their fingers holding on to either end of the chain around your neck, to reconnect it right underneath your hairline, the light metal clinging softly in the process, "The material is horrible to be used as a base for weapons, but perfect ..."<br/>Your partner held their breath and leaned back to admire their handiwork, digits sliding along the flimsy loop now dangling from your nape, brushing your delicate skin painted with their colorful love bites, thumb stroking the tiny Hanni trinket.</p><p>"For this."</p><p>Time seemed to be grinding to a complete halt, as the both of you were simply holding each others gentle and meaningful gazes, gulping down emerging sobs and words, combination of letters drenched with emotions and more purred confessions, foreheads meeting in the most tender way. <br/>The unbearably thick and loving atmosphere and the plain thought of possessing a trinket exclusively crafted and gifted to you by your Section Commander, as a proof of their love, was almost too much for you to handle.<br/>"I will treasure this", you whispered, the sight of their bright and dazzling amber orbs reflecting the sunset behind their smudged glasses blurring, as tears found their way to the corner of your eyes again. <br/>Fluidly you angled your head, lips drawing closer to theirs, without you being able or even making an attempt to stop them. Yearned to connect, arched for the addictive sensation of their mouth on yours, to return their continuous displays of their deep seated and radiant affections, which meant so much to you.</p><p>Maybe this was an approriate time for it after all, with your partner's eyelids fluttering shut in anticipation, their nostrils inflating as they released a shaking gasp, cheeks colored pink, longing for this simple intimate contact as much as you did. Maybe you should just say it, should let them know. Bury your fears, your insecurities.</p><p>"You better."</p><p>You took a deep breath, relucantly stopping your movements only inches away from their parted lips, mind fueled with bravery.</p><p>"Hange, I - "</p><p>The sound of an unfamiliar raspy voice clearing it's throat startled the both of you out of your daydream and intimate position and for a second time today you swiftly had to find a tight grip on your partner's harness to prevent them from toppling over the wall.<br/>Immediately you threw your head back to take an alarmed look at who had decided to approach you from behind and your heart lowered itself so far into the arching depths of your stomach, you feared you were going to drop and lose it completely as soon as you stood up.<br/>The intensity of the ever lingering cloud of worry above your head approached its peak and suddenly imaginative bolts, repeatedly hitting and prickling your skin, caused a cold to tingle down your spine.</p><p>You had almost managed to discard the freezing fear of your potential demotion, but now it forcefully drained every other calming and soothing emotion, you had held close to your heart up until now and once more turned into a prisoner of your own anxiety, the deafening beeping assailing your ears.</p><p>Your whole body started to shake.</p><p>"Erwin", Hange, who had followed your gaze, simply greeted the Commander towering you, hands clasped tightly behind his back, mastering his signature firm stance, focusing the both of you with this illegible expression plastered on his face and through your daze you noticed a distressed Sasha lingering in his shadow. He had probably retained her on her way up to you, since he had been looking for you himself.<br/>"I apologize for interrupting", he dived right into the conversation without any greeting, "But I have to speak to the Captain." He shot your company a brief glance, frowning.<br/>"Alone."</p><p>The Captain. He was still calling you that, this had to be a good sign.</p><p>With buckling knees and the insides of your brain spinning around in circles, you pushed yourself up to your feet and forced your body into a unwavering stance, fist forcefully pounding onto your chest in a salute, feeling the bulge of your shared notebook right underneath. The unfamiliar piece of metal hanging from your neck jingled in the process, emitting and gifting you some sense of courage.<br/>"Commander, whatever you have to say, I'm fine with both of them hearing it", you assured him, teeth clenching as soon as the words had left your mouth, didn't dare to hold his almost piercing gaze.<br/>He hadn't elaborated on the topic of discussion so far, but there was only one single issue pending in between the four of you, chaining you together, so there was no doubt in your mind that the time had come. He didn't need to spell it out for you.<br/>A warm palm found it's way to your shoulder and you were grateful to note Hange gently squeezing it, dragging their thumb comfortingly across the fabric of your shirt.</p><p>You wanted them to become witness of what was about to transpire, no matter how this interaction was going to turn out.</p><p>"Very well."</p><p>
  <em>'Sometimes there are no words or clever quotes to properly sum up what's happened that day.'</em>
</p><p>"I will make it quick then", he nodded, his stare searching for the missing eye contact you were not able, not ready, not prepared, to grant him, "We have thoroughly discussed your careless mistakes and observed your behavior in the past week."<br/>Your pulse quickened, the fist sitting on your chest trembled, with the Titan trinket grazing the skin while it dangled and the fingers on your shoulder were close to digging into your flesh, as your vision threatened to blur.</p><p>
  <em>'Sometimes the day just ...'</em>
</p><p>"And we have come to an agreement. We believe it's the best for everyone involved to demote you from your rank as Captain and to relief you of your duties as Section Commander Hange's assistant."</p><p>
  <em>'Ends.'</em>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A Criminal Minds reference in here this time.</p><p>And that's a wrap for now, thank you for reading, for sticking around and for your support! Keep your eyes peeled for a possible sequel, if you're interested to read more.</p>
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